Negotiating and Slavery and Surrender

18 01 2014

Question:

“If M/s is a power exchange, an exchange being “the act of giving or taking one thing in return for another” What power did any of the master’s transfer to their slaves?

If the answer is none- then there is no exchange of power.

If there was a transfer of power, a negotiated act, we no longer have m/s we have d/s.”

Answer:

I have been thinking about the above question for a while now.

The Master is giving his power (control, decision making, etc.) to the slave in exchange for her power (control, decision making, etc).

It’s really not complicated.

For me the power is me giving up my power to make certain decisions, do certain acts, and to become a certain way at his directive.

This is in exchange for his power to me of control, live by his rule, and live a certain way under his direction.

Whether there is more or less negotiation in M/s or D/s is up to the individuals or parties involved.  The level of negotiations are irrelevant.

Question:

Is slavery a negotiable act? If yes, how does one negotiate surrender?

Answer:

Since each individual has free will and we are living in a time when real slavery is outlawed and prosecuted in America, the choice we make to be enslaved to someone is therefore something that is negotiated.  How those negotiations look and what is negotiated is between the people or parties involved.

With my choice of being consciously enslaved to Master comes the giving up of further negotiations on how to act, speak, and to accept the choices made by the Master for the slave.  Again this is individualized for each relationship pertaining to what is and is not negotiated.

—————————————

Truthfully this lifestyle we live is all about negotiations and what we choose to live under.  It boggles my mind sometimes why we choose to complicate it with issues of who is more real than the other.  Your kink is not my kink and that is okay and until M/s becomes a legally allowed concept with legislation and everything we need to remember YKINMK and move on.

Definitions: 

ex·change  (ks-chnj)

v. ex·changedex·chang·ingex·chang·es
v.tr.

1. To give in return for something received; trade: exchange dollars for francs; exchanging labor for room and board.
2. To give and receive reciprocally; interchange: exchange gifts; exchange ideas.
3. To give up for a substitute: exchange a position in the private sector for a post in government.
4. To turn in for replacement: exchange defective merchandise at a store.
v.intr.

1. To give something in return for something received; make an exchange.
2. To be received in exchange: At that time the British pound exchanged for $2.80.


  pow·er  (pour)

n.

1. The ability or capacity to perform or act effectively.
2. A specific capacity, faculty, or aptitude. Often used in the plural: her powers of concentration.
3. Strength or force exerted or capable of being exerted; might. See Synonyms at strength.
4. The ability or official capacity to exercise control; authority.
5. A person, group, or nation having great influence or control over others: the western powers.
6. The might of a nation, political organization, or similar group.
7. Forcefulness; effectiveness: a novel of unusual power.
8. Chiefly Upper Southern U.S. A large number or amount. See Regional Note at powerful.

 

 Negotiation is a dialogue between two or more people or parties, intended to reach an understanding, resolve point of difference, or gain advantage in outcome of dialogue, to produce an agreement upon courses of action, to bargain for individual or collective advantage, to craft outcomes to satisfy various interests of two people/parties involved in negotiation process. Negotiation is a process where each party involved in negotiating tries to gain an advantage for themselves by the end of the process. Negotiation is intended to aim at compromise.

Negotiation occurs in business, non-profit organizations, government branches, legal proceedings, among nations and in personal situations such as marriage, divorce, parenting, and everyday life. The study of the subject is called negotiation theory. Professional negotiators are often specialized, such as union negotiatorsleverage buyout negotiatorspeace negotiatorshostage negotiators, or may work under other titles, such as diplomatslegislators or brokers.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negotiation

surrender

[sə rendər]

verb

To surrender is defined as to give up control of something or to give something up to another.

consciously
Variant of conscious

adjective

  1. having a feeling or knowledge (of one’s own sensations, feelings, etc. or of external things); knowing or feeling (that something is or was happening or existing); aware; cognizant
  2. able to feel and think; in the normal waking state
  3. aware of oneself as a thinking being; knowing what one is doing and why
  4. self-conscious
  5. accompanied by an awareness of what one is thinking, feeling, and doing; intentional: conscious humor
  6. known to or felt by oneself: conscious guilt




Reflections on what home feels like

19 06 2012

I was recently interviewed for an article concerning the first conference I have ever went to…BlackBEAT.

I read the article and wasn’t really feeling the slant the article took and it didn’t actually vibe with me.  For some reason I kept wishing that the article was focussed more on expanding the classes, having more extras…fun, fun, fun.

Then I thought about it more.  This article was actually spot on.  There was so much truth in this article….simple truth that makes BlackBEAT more than just another conference in a long line of conferences.  There is just something about hugs at BlackBEAT.

When I made the decision to attend BlackBEAT alone I worried that I would get lost in the mix of people that would attend.  One of the things I did was sign up to volunteer so that I could be seen and get to know others who came.  I am normally a quiet person in crowds and not very welcoming to others so this was my way of getting out of my head.   I had no need to worry.  The first person I met when I entered the hotel was Cyberdiva.  She might not realize this or even remember it but that hug and welcome she gave me meant the world to me.  I felt accepted and welcomed.

It touched something in me and  no matter what the rest of the conference held that hug opened me up to be receptive to other hugs and other meetings and other experiences outside of what I usually allowed in my personal space.  When Master and I were leaving the O’Kink Family Reunion, Mistress Max hugged me to say goodbye and I just broke down and cried.  There is just something about hugs given and received at BlackBEAT.

I have to say with each BlackBEAT I have attended it is the same feeling…even at the scaled down day of Survivor Saturday.  Seeing everyone, coming home, being around family…those are the things that make BlackBEAT for me.  The classes, the knowledge shared, the lessons taught and learned are icing on a delicious red velvet cake.

Think I am the only way who feels this way…Nopecheck it outthere are others.

If you feel like stepping out and attending a conference this should be your first step…BlackBEAT 2012.  Go with open arms as hugs will be given freely.





“Why?”

4 06 2012

This weekend Master and I realized that we communicate differently.  Shocker, I know…LOL

This communication difference though is in terms of how each of us deal with the question “Why?”

“Imagination is more important than knowledge..”    ~.Albert Einstein US (German-born) physicist (1879 – 1955) 

When I ask the question “Why?’, most times it is not with the desire to really know the answer.   Sometimes I like to just wonder why.  I like to imagine a possible answer outside of the actual answer.   Besides no one has all of the answers and a lot of the stuff that was thought to be the answer to something changes.  So why can’t my imaginings be a possibility.  😀

“If a man empties his purse into his head no one can take it away from him. An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.”  

~Benjamin Franklin
US author, diplomat, inventor, physicist, politician, & printer (1706 – 1790)

Master, when he asks “Why?” or hears someone else ask “Why?”  he actually needs to find out “Why?”.  He is a lover of facts and knowledge.  His constant companion is either his iPhone or his iPad.  He listens to podcasts, read books, watches TV and looks at videos that deals with facts on different subjecst. He will immerse himself in a subject or many subjects until he has heard all sides.  There have been a number of people who mentioned wanting to lick his brain…LOL  If there is a subject that he has not heard about he will say, “I didn’t know that” and then find out about it.

This does not mean that I don’t find out actual truth about stuff that matters to me or that he doesn’t like to imagine different possibilities.

What this means is that when we talk with each other knowing this difference helps our communication go a lot smoother.  One thing that is a positive is that both of us are flexible.  The times when he wants to talk seriously about something I can and I find out what I don’t actually know.  Times when I need him to fantasize he does.  Worlds open up from his imagination, although a few facts sometimes slip in…lol.

Flexibility and Understanding.  Two more keys to keeping a relationship going.





All You Gotta Do Is Say Yes

23 05 2012

While listening to “Say Yes” by Floetry a thought hit me…my mind wanders in funny tangets sometimes towards clarity.

In the video the lady is writing about how the guy makes her feel and the man was drawing a picture of her.  Both in seperate seats, both thinking about each other.

The Chorus of the song goes:

“All you gotta do is say yes

Don’t deny what you feel let me undress you baby

Open up your mind just rest

I’m about to let you know you make me…”

Aside from the sexual reference the clarity that came to me was “Fill your mind with what you want/desire”.  Of late my brain has been on a downward spiral of what I don’t have (no job, no personal income, no stability, no whatever).  I have filled my brain with stress, sorrow, depression.

Last night lying in bed with Master I felt incredibly tired holding on to this stuff.

For self preservation I need to fill my head with better stuff.

“First keep the peace within yourself, then you can also bring peace to others.”

Thomas a Kempis1420
German mystic & religious author (1380 – 1471)





Earned Leather…

4 05 2012

I’m a slow learner, slow talker, and slow thinker.  I have to take time to contemplate things to really understand them.

For some reason I have been contemplating  someone’s questioning on whether they should keep the leather they earned.  Sitting here writing about a completely different lesson about my personal journey the below just became clear to me.

Leather is personal.  It can be earned through a set of instructions given to you by someone but it is what you put into those lessons that make it earned.  Completing the instructions are secondary to your personal journey.  It is like the sensei talking to the pupil, try and grab the grasshopper from my hand.  The goal was not to grab the grasshopper but I imagine it was for the pupil to learn why he wanted the grasshopper, what would he gain by completing that task, what will happen after he completed the task, how completing that task will change, affect, grow their life, etc.  It is the process of earning leather not the destination.   It is yours, earned through your lessons learned and no one can take that from you.





Trusting Again

30 04 2012

To me trust is like seeing a flower bloom.  Little by little the flower blooms.  The tight flower releases becoming softer and softer.  You open yourself up and let down your guard.  No protective coverings, soft and yielding.

pink roses Royalty Free Stock Photo

In some ways you connect and intertwine yourself with someone else.    It is not something that most people give lightly.  Deep trust in M/s relationships is a must.  Both parties have to be willing to let go and bloom.

Trust is not lost all at once it happens in stages, it is like a death.

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

“If we fall, we don’t need self-recrimination or blame or anger – we need a reawakening of our intention and a willingness to recommit, to be whole-hearted once again.”

~Sharon SalzbergO Magazine, The Power of Intention, January 2004

Once the decision is made to rebuild trust in someone, the decision must also made to be open again.  It is not an easy thing, basically you are starting over again with different information and reversing the stages of grief.

This is a hard thing and everyone needs to really access themselves to see if it can be done.  Sometimes holding onto  the hurt of putting themselves out there again makes people want to not bloom with that person anymore.

Blooming rose Royalty Free Stock Photo

If you do decide to stay beating yourself up and bringing up the past will not move you forward and will not help the relationship grow or change.  Time must be given to heal but healing must be done.  Self healing, relationship healing, regaining trust.





Power Exchange

12 03 2012

I have heard many times that slaves get their pleasure out of serving their Master.  They want nothing for themselves except to serve their Masters.   LOL

Okay maybe I shouldn’t laugh but I find that funny sometimes.  When taken out of context this seems like the slave is the Madonna in the relationship.  She is such a self sacrificing person.  Always thinking of others.  Such a saint.

Okay enough sarcasm.

I am of the mind that slaves do get something out of being in a Power Exchange relationship.  (My opinion is solely from the standpoint of a slave being in a relationship where she is collared by a Master).

I believe the slave gets satisfaction from more than serving the Master.  I believe the slaves true pleasure and satisfaction comes from the Power exchange in the relationship.  In particular the Master’s control.

Serving, obeying, etc. is a by product of this relationship.

What do you think?








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