Trusting Again

30 04 2012

To me trust is like seeing a flower bloom.  Little by little the flower blooms.  The tight flower releases becoming softer and softer.  You open yourself up and let down your guard.  No protective coverings, soft and yielding.

pink roses Royalty Free Stock Photo

In some ways you connect and intertwine yourself with someone else.    It is not something that most people give lightly.  Deep trust in M/s relationships is a must.  Both parties have to be willing to let go and bloom.

Trust is not lost all at once it happens in stages, it is like a death.

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

“If we fall, we don’t need self-recrimination or blame or anger – we need a reawakening of our intention and a willingness to recommit, to be whole-hearted once again.”

~Sharon SalzbergO Magazine, The Power of Intention, January 2004

Once the decision is made to rebuild trust in someone, the decision must also made to be open again.  It is not an easy thing, basically you are starting over again with different information and reversing the stages of grief.

This is a hard thing and everyone needs to really access themselves to see if it can be done.  Sometimes holding onto  the hurt of putting themselves out there again makes people want to not bloom with that person anymore.

Blooming rose Royalty Free Stock Photo

If you do decide to stay beating yourself up and bringing up the past will not move you forward and will not help the relationship grow or change.  Time must be given to heal but healing must be done.  Self healing, relationship healing, regaining trust.

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Trust

23 04 2012

“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough.” ~Frank Crane

Giving someone your trust as the quote says is not a black and white kinda of thing. The popular thought is being able to trust someone who is completely honest all the time. Those lies you tell a friend who is feeling a bit body conscious is not being honest all the time. Then the differences are made between big lies and little lies.

For me I don’t require truth in everything. Trust is not built on just one thing for me it is built on many things. To trust I require, honesty concerning the things that have been determined crucial (faithfulness, consistency, respect, being there for me, having a shoulder to cry on, someone who means what they say, etc.) I think you get the picture.

When trust is lost in a relationship it is not just that one thing that is lost it is all those things that go with trusting someone that is lost. Once lost it can be gotten back but it takes time. Although it is never the same as before. There’s that voice in the back of your brain or that piece in your heart that is kept separate and closed against full trust though. It’s like breaking the handle off of your favorite mug. You never really find all the pieces to glue it perfectly together again.

Some relationships can be better than it was before as it helps remove the newness rapper and expose the realness of the relationship. It is in the realness of a relationship that the relationship can strengthen if the relationship is still wanted by two people.

Some relationships end. Which is sometimes the best way to survive. I think sometimes people hold on too long to something that was not meant to be forever. There is freedom in giving yourself permission with being okay with leaving. As the saying goes, people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one then you know what to do.

Neither is right as the decision is determined by the participants. I prefer to stay. Work it out if it can be and build a better, different relationship.





How Not to Negotiate – “I trust you Completely”

3 08 2010

This is something that I have said to Master often and I have heard people say.  I think we say it but don’t truly mean.  So I am going to explore the issue of trusting really in someone.

One of the things that I love about Sir is his impulsiveness.  There have been several times where we would wake up and he would say…let’s just go and off we would go.  No direction just going.

On my last visit we did just that we got up late after a rather ummm energetic start to the day that ended with the bed breaking…LOLOL…and drove 4 hours to Myrtle Beach.  It may seem like a long time but half the fun is the journey and our journeys are always fun.  I remember this one time we got caught in the rain and ended up playing like kids in it.  J

So we drive down to the beach and soon as we got there and I saw the ocean for some reason I was truly afraid of being in the ocean.  This surprised me a lot as I am so connected to the water.  I am a Pisces and always say that I am a mermaid who has lost her way home.  I love how calming and ferocious the ocean can be.  I have a very respectful love of the ocean.  This was not the first time that we went to the beach together.  So why was I afraid?

Master held out his and hand and said girl let’s go in the water.  No ifs ands or buts about it. All I could feel was fear like something bad was going to happen to me as soon as I stepped into that ocean.  Even now I still remember how that fear felt…it was almost paralyzing.   I kept saying “Master I am afraid” I was close to tears.  I grabbed his hand and walked into the ocean.  Every time a wave would come I would get smacked and sputter and I swear I drank half the ocean…lol.  I remember this one wave knocked me down, turned me around and I lost my glasses.   I was a freaking mess seriously.  We stayed in the ocean for 2 hours jumping over the wave, ducking under the waves, me swallowing more water.

All during my fear of the ocean without thinking about it I never seemed to doubt that Master would be right there with me.  Seriously I am amazed that each time I thought the waves would knock me down or I would get pulled under every time my hand reached out Master was right there.  When I fell back he was right there behind me.  Even when I couldn’t see him he was right there next to me.  Looking back on that time He was literally like an island of calm in an ocean of turmoil.  At that moment my vision of him was like a tall tree being battered but not bent.  I felt so safe within his strength it was surreal.  Makes my heart hurt with love just thinking about it.

“There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.” Nelson Mandela‘A Long Walk to Freedom’ S. African black civil rights leader (1918 – )

I realized in that moment that the trust that was built in our relationship had changed for me to a point where I can literally trust him with my life and know that he would not take it for granted or be cavalier about it.  I guess I needed to be in that place I thought I could take comfort in in order to see it.   Since forced slavery is illegal in this country it takes time to truly be enslaved to someone.  This for me was another step to truly being his slave.

My lesson of learning:  People have often said to me how could you trust someone enough to give everything over to them, how do you know that they won’t leave you or take advantage of you or turn out to be something different from what they said.  My answer, my trust in him was built over time and with consistency.  Being a slave to my Master took him being there during every crash of the wave for me to let go and see him still standing there holding out his hand and us really getting to know each other…warts and all.

Questions, comments, thoughts…please feel free to share.

MV’s esclave








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