Cam Girls Need Resumes?

11 11 2015

I don’t watch cam girls, but I love reading about them. I found a great article on Medium written by a cam girl about how hard it is to make a different living. It takes hard work, dedication to the job and a love of the work.  Check it out.



Post for Monday

23 07 2012

Nothing new with me at the moment.

Our weekend was good.

We saw Batman.  I would recommend it to anyone.  Great wrap up to a trilogy

Sad start to the week with the stuff going on in Colorado.   As President Obama said…life is precious and each moment we have with each other is important.


Waste no more time talking about great souls and how they should be. Become one yourself!

Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
Roman Emperor, A.D. 161-180 (121 AD – 180 AD)

Active Listening, Positive Reinforcement, Perception, and Growth

16 07 2012

I know, that’s a lot for a title….LOL  But it is all things I want to talk about.  Hopefully my thoughts are clear, if not, ask.

I will include no disclaimers about my words…

Several thoughts on this subject have been popping around in my head.

I found this really good article on “Active Listening” from Wikipedia.  Type it in a search engine and take a look.

Most people, when they practice “active listening” tend to parrot back to the speaker what was said in order to move towards clarification of something from the speaker to the listener.  This is a useful skill in parenting, relationships, teaching, and working.  This helps with cutting down on misunderstandings of interpretations due to a number of reasons.  It can also help both parties take a step back from a volatile situation due to emotions popping up, triggers (look it up) being set off, old memories and other hindrances to listening to each other.

One of the things, I find, that is not practiced in learning “active listening” is the ability for people to not internalize, even after clarification, what they think the other person might have said due to their own personal, internal blocks.

Meaning, the problem will continue when the listener’s internal filters says:  “I heard what you said and I understand what you said but I know that’s not what you really meant.”

In this instance it is up to the listener to internally work towards understanding their problem because it is their problem.

I used to feel such guilt and responsibility that someone might possibly misunderstand even one word of what I said that I would use many clarifiers to insure that what they heard was pleasant and pleasing and wouldn’t leave them with any negative emotions.  My words became watered down and my convictions became not so convicted.  I had no stand on anything because of my perceptions on how the other person would be affected.

My responsibility…take ownership of what are my problems.  I am all about self-growth and exploration.  I love to learn about myself.  I take full responsibility for my growth and I know when something is not right due to my own internal issues.  I become more me when I become more authentic.  I accept my flaws and know when they are just that, my flaws.  I was out talking with hubby, having an impromptu date night, all of a sudden I started hearing us speak to each other.  It was like one of those out of body for clarity type moments.  I heard us both making disclaimers to each other while we were talking.  I don’t even know when we started doing this.  It just struck me so hard that I stopped talking and I said to him I don’t know when conversations with us became so hard.  When did we have to start apologizing to each other in order to make the other feel good?  I said, “I am not doing that anymore.”  In my mind, at that moment, we became the adults that we both are.  My responsibility in that moment became to treat him as an adult that does not need to be spoon fed anything and also releasing him from whatever feelings he might have of needing to do that to me.  I am not going to assume anymore that he misunderstood my words because trying to clarify something that you think the other person misunderstood or might accept the wrong way will lead to both of you doing this:

Person 1:  I’m sorry, I only meant by my words (insert explanation here)

Person 2:  I understood what you said.  I wanted to let you know that (insert explanation here)

Person 1:  Oh yeah, I got that.  I just wanted to make sure you heard (insert explanation here)

And this can go on and on before you both realize that you don’t even remember what you are clarifying, you don’t remember what you were talking about, and you are both left with this sort of WTF just happened sort of feeling.

In that moment you disconnect from each other.  You stop becoming “one” in the sense of being together in the relationship and start becoming two people in a relationship.

This is not a killer in relationships because with realization of the problem(s) comes growth.  Growth has to happen.  No relationship is static and no two people in a relationship can be static.  Static relationships lead to two people in a dead relationship.

So we move and we ebb and flow as people do. I love and I hate this relationship sometimes.  But it’s always worth the price of admission or submission, so to speak.

Reflections on what home feels like

19 06 2012

I was recently interviewed for an article concerning the first conference I have ever went to…BlackBEAT.

I read the article and wasn’t really feeling the slant the article took and it didn’t actually vibe with me.  For some reason I kept wishing that the article was focussed more on expanding the classes, having more extras…fun, fun, fun.

Then I thought about it more.  This article was actually spot on.  There was so much truth in this article….simple truth that makes BlackBEAT more than just another conference in a long line of conferences.  There is just something about hugs at BlackBEAT.

When I made the decision to attend BlackBEAT alone I worried that I would get lost in the mix of people that would attend.  One of the things I did was sign up to volunteer so that I could be seen and get to know others who came.  I am normally a quiet person in crowds and not very welcoming to others so this was my way of getting out of my head.   I had no need to worry.  The first person I met when I entered the hotel was Cyberdiva.  She might not realize this or even remember it but that hug and welcome she gave me meant the world to me.  I felt accepted and welcomed.

It touched something in me and  no matter what the rest of the conference held that hug opened me up to be receptive to other hugs and other meetings and other experiences outside of what I usually allowed in my personal space.  When Master and I were leaving the O’Kink Family Reunion, Mistress Max hugged me to say goodbye and I just broke down and cried.  There is just something about hugs given and received at BlackBEAT.

I have to say with each BlackBEAT I have attended it is the same feeling…even at the scaled down day of Survivor Saturday.  Seeing everyone, coming home, being around family…those are the things that make BlackBEAT for me.  The classes, the knowledge shared, the lessons taught and learned are icing on a delicious red velvet cake.

Think I am the only way who feels this way…Nopecheck it outthere are others.

If you feel like stepping out and attending a conference this should be your first step…BlackBEAT 2012.  Go with open arms as hugs will be given freely.

Off topic: TED Talk

15 03 2012

I really want to share the story of the $8 Billion iPod with you.  Copyrights are important to me as a content creator (I do both photography and a couple of blogs), but some people take it too far.  And this is why.  I hope you will excuse me for sharing.




The New But Not Improved FetLife Feed

25 05 2011

OK, I am giving my ideas about the FetLife feed on my own page.  I have made some changes to the graphics to protect the innocent. (As if any of my FetLife friends are innocent, LOL.) Before I launch into the negatives, lets talk about what they got right.

FetLife Feed, version 4The first thing that I like is that we now have continuous feed. That means that when you scroll down, you don’t have to click to continue.  That is neat and is a big improvement. Speeds up my perving of FetLife.

Status Bar Version 4I also like the change of placement for the upload links. They moved them underneath the status bar. Makes them more handy. More handy means more stuff uploaded.  Might be better if they were a little brighter, but overall they are an improvement over the old one off to the side.

The next thing I like, at least in theory (it is only available to premium paying members so I haven’t had a chance to try it out yet), is the gag feature. This allows you to put friends who overshare, or who wanted to follow you (but you didn’t care if you saw their stuff) in a kind of timeout, where you don’t see their stuff. You can also customize your feed where you may only want to see group activities, or you don’t want to see writings.  Again, this is a pay for play feature, so I have no real opinion on this.

SideBarNow where did they go wrong?  Well frankly this was the ugliest update that I have seen to date on their site.  Normally John Baku shows a great deal of care and love for a site design.  And I did see him try here.  But something went horribly wrong.  The layout of this design reminded me of a Visual Studio design, and that is no compliment.  I particularly do not like the layout of the sidebar, the font size is too small, particularly for us older members.  My eye sight isn’t what it used to be.

I also have a major functional issue with the new group listing to the side.  The groups you lead, as you will notice in the picture above are all nicely laid out, like the old feed was.  But now the groups you are a member of are all in a scroll bar.  Why John, why?  I am in soooo many groups.  They all do not all show up on one screen, and it is almost impossible to use on a mobile device.  I have noted a lot of complaints from Blackberry users in particular.

One more glaring mistake is the omission of the link to support FetLife.  For some reason, they have decided to replace that with links to services that only paying members can use. Instead of seeing a friendly message asking for a support, you get a “Fuck you you non-paying bastard” feel every time you click on gag, or one of the other symbols (like the @ symbol at the top).  John, please put back the nice message. Stop turning me off with those links.  I understand that FetLife needs to make a buck. Servers don’t run on free.  And John Baku and company need to pay rent, buy food and buy remote controlled cars. But seriously, you think that annoying your users is a good way to make that money? Stop it.

OK, those are my thoughts. But I would love to hear what you think. Let me know, in the comments.



James and John have sent me some feedback based on this article.

From James:

 @JamesGolick Tweet

@JamesGolick Tweet

@JamesGolick Tweet

My response was pretty simple to James. The continuous scrolling has to go.  I mean besides crippling groups on my home page, what if I want to read the stuff at the footer?  I have to go through how may hours/days worth of material? Or I have to leave the home feed.  Not a good solution.  Back to the drawing board with this one.  I suggested that they could replace the click (or at least add to it) a mouse over to the area you used to click, and that would solve the issue for everyone.  the feed wouldn’t be continuous, but it would be usable.

From John I received this message:

@JohnBaku Tweet

I suspect that that he may have been referring to the “What’s popular” feed that launched this week. Meh, not that impressed.  Still don’t see the need to screw with people’s feeds like they did to add it.  Could have easily been added as another tab.

And the tech support thread has been screaming with people having issues with the new feed.  Too much Java script for older machines and buggy code for others (probably more to do with mobile devices).

Yep.  Great planning to put your customers through the “Madness”.

Service Book of Days 11/1/10

1 11 2010
  • Outside my window… (weather, what do you hear, what do you see?)  is a bit on the chilly side.  today is the first day of November and the weather is signaling that it is time for the cold.  lots of cranky people at work today and i suspect the coming cold along with the winter depression is what is causing it.
  • my thoughts…are happy thoughts and pensive thoughts.  i am so totally psyched because in about 11 days I will be Master’s wife.  I wonder though if I am ready to be his wife. Our relationship dynamic of Master and slave is very important to us.  It is not just something that we do on the weekends.  I think I am probably worrying over nothing.  This new challenge, I am looking forward to.
  • Today’s Quote… The only thing in life you do in order is age…everything else is random… Me
  • i am thankful for…my family, my children, my Master…real love with all its ups, downs, and sideways facets.
  • From my service training…(any skills, training etc; notes you want to share this week) remembering that my life is as Master’s slave.   Just saying that makes me happy.  Being a slave to Master is so much more than just do this or go there.   It is life fulfilling.
  • From the kitchen…(menu for the week, what are you cooking?)  i am going to make a new recipe.  a pork loin with cranberry sauce.  nothing extensive but new for us.  also I want to plan some meals for when Master comes up here…THIS WEEKEND…YAY :)))
  • i am wearing…my work out clothes.  Trying to get in as many night workouts as possible before the weather shuts me down…commuting wise.
  • i am creating…(crafts, sewing etc;) Nothing new at the moment
  • my adventures this week…(where are you going this week?) I am going to a munch with other slaves/submissives and then I get to go hang out and play at Paddles….woohooo.
  • Becoming well read…(What are you reading this week?)  I was looking for something to read but I have decided to enter this contest instead…    Wish me luck…I am excited about the challenge though.
  • i manifest and co-create…(what are your hopes, dreams, and prayers this week) My life in freedom
  • Today’s Melody…(what music are you listening to? even if it’s just the sound of a bird…) Spend my life with you by Eric Benet

My favorite lyrics in this song:

Can I just see you every morning when I open my eyes

Can I just feel your heart beating besides me every night

Can I just feel this way forever till the end of all time

Can I just spend my life with you.

  • One of my favorite to get a really great workout in.  I love the challenge of pushing myself and reshaping my body.
  • further plans for this week…Cleaning the house thoroughly before Master gets here…lol
  • Still….life(share a picture you’ve taken OR a picture you found online that speaks to you)

Used with permission via stock xchange license:

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