A Technical Workshop on Protocols and Other Important Things.

18 06 2009

Well, this is not the news I hinted at yesterday, but sometimes you run across things that call for attention.

The House of Decorum is now hosting a Technical Workshop for all those interested.

This workshop will cover the following … How to negotiate, How to write a petition, How to write a contract, How to create protocols.

The workshop is being held in a classroom setting and everyone is encouraged to participate.

This workshop is FREE! Donations will be accepted to offset the cost of the meeting room.

The space is limited so please send your RSVP’s soon to insure your place. To RSVP, email houseofdecorum@yahoo.com with “Technical Workshop” in the subject line.

Location: Greenville SC, Date: Saturday, July 18, 2009, Time: 1:00 pm to 5:00 pm

Ms Jan & Ms Theresa

House of Decorum



Protocols Part 4: Developing Protocols for Groups

18 05 2009

This is part of my protocol series, which can be found here, here, and here.

I recently had to decide on a protocol for a group I hosted here at the House of Void. There was a diverse group, and I needed to come up with some simple rules of behavior. Fortunately, I had some guidelines that I could use to serve as a guideline, but forming protocols for groups pose slightly different challenges.

As a reminder, the guidelines I use for developing my protocols are:

  1. The protocol should be simple: Easily explained with normal words and no jargon.
  2. The protocol should be practical: It should perform some purpose, even if that purpose is to just be pretty.
  3. The protocol should be accomplishable: The people at my event had to be able to comply with the rules.

Along with those things in mind, I had to keep these things in mind too:

  1. Protocols must be for both roles: Doms and subs are both going to be present at my house, so the rules had to address the roles of both (switches can choose either role).
  2. Protocols must reflect the agenda of the group: Protocols are a useful way to reinforce the purpose of your group, so it is very useful to only have protocols that are required to reinforce this purpose.

My group was focused on discussion, kind along the meetings that the great writers and poets had during the 19th century. I wanted to facilitate discussion, and encourage all to express their opinion. Keeping these thoughts in mind, I formulated the following rules (the actual wording may have varied as I did this on the fly, and frankly didn’t write down my golden words at the time).

  1. All persons, Dom or Master, submissive or slave, top bottom or switch, are allowed to state their opinions without fear of being ridiculed, belittled or interrupted. Please remember to do the same when it is time for another to speak.
  2. Do not speak ill of anyone not present.
  3. If imbibing of adult beverages, be responsible.
  4. What happens at the House of Void, stays at the House of Void.

These were simple, and proved effective.

I found another good example (a bit longer, but still focused, simple and clear) on Kink.com. They have opened up a new area where Dominants and submissives can mix before cameras that stream their actions live over the internet called the Upper Floor.  This presents some unique challenges (such as a need to define protocols for the staff), but I think the resulting rules illustrate what I am speaking of here.  Check it out here.

Have you any thoughts on this?  Perhaps you have had to come up with rules for your own group? If so, please let me know, in the comments.


Protocols Pt. 3

26 06 2008

I have been asked to post something about the protocols that I have developed for esclave. I have tried to keep certain things in mind when developing them, irregardless of the origin of the protocol.

  1. The protocol should be simple: Easily explained with normal words and no jargon.
  2. The protocol should be practical: It should perform some purpose, even if that purpose is to just be pretty.
  3. The protocol should be accomplishable: It should be relatively untaxing on my slave, and within her range of motion and physical limitations.

I have broken the protocols into a more formal High Protocol, and a family and public friendly Low Protocol

High Protocol

  • To the left and two steps behind when walking
  • No use of furniture in Sir’s home unless specifically directed
  • Kneel and ask permission before leaving (i.e. Sir…may I please be excused)
  • When Sir is sitting i am to be sitting or kneeling lower than he (exception will be if i am otherwise doing something for Sir)

Low Protocol

  • Can sit on furniture when alone with Sir, with vanilla people and with my family
  • To the left and slightly behind Sir when walking, standing or sitting, when possible.
  • Ask permission before leaving a room or phone conversation with Sir

esclave is responsible for maintaining the list of rules, and updating as new ones are derived.

Please tell me what you think of these protocols, and let me know about the protocols that you use in your replationships.


Read the rest of this entry »

Protocols pt 2

15 05 2008

In my previous post about protocols, I discussed some of my philosophy about protocols. I talked about some of the things to not do when your devising them. But how do I go about creating the protocols that I use? What goes into making a good protocol?

Personally I think that developing a protocol should start with your philosophy about the Lifestyle. Have a plan about what you want to accomplish. As an example, I have the basic philosophy that protocols should reflect the situation that we find ourselves in. I have decided that there should be separate modes of behaviors to cover different social situations. I call them high protocol mode for formal situations, and low protocol more casual occasions.

My philosophy about High Protocol reflects my desire for my slave to be totally focused on myself.  Unless specifically directed otherwise, I should be a bright and shining light for her to be focused on. Her every action should be attentive to my directions and focused on meeting my needs. Even when she is in another room, she should be doing everything as if I was there.

My philosophy about the low protocols reflect a need to make allowances for down time, time with friends both in and out of the lifestyle, and our families. These rules allow her to be more relaxed, though she should still be focused on me.  The intensity should be much less. A more relaxed posture, rules should be acceptable to the vanilla world as well as the kinky one.

So, what are your reactions to this?

Next time, some specific protocols.


Protocols pt. 1

23 04 2008

I am a big fan of protocols in the lifestyle. I believe that protocols define a set of behaviors in a given situation. Protocols make the Dominant’s and submissive’s roles easier to manage and provide defined expectations for both roles. If I do not lay out clear instructions and directions for how my slave is supposed to behave, why would I punish her for failing to live up to my expectations. Frankly, I consider it my failing if she fails because I was not clear in my directions. Protocols provide this clarity for both parts.

Protocols should be organic for the Dominant. Protocols should be derived from natural expectations, not an artificial list gleaned from a Google search on the interwebtubes. The expectations I make for my slave are based on how I want to live, and how I expect her to behave.  While I may be inspired by many sources, both on- and off-line, I do not wish have our relationship defined by others. We make the definition by the way we live, my slave and I.

Frankly, I expect a Master to know his or her rules better than his slave does.  If he expects a slave to know a rule by a give number, why should he or she not be held to the same standard?

So, I will leave you with this thought at this point on protocols in the Lifestyle. If you are a Master or a Mistress I encourage you to examine your rules. Make sure that they fit your life. Are there rules you put in writing, but never use? Get rid of them.  And good riddance too.  Maybe there are new expectations you have for your slave.  Write them down, modify the rules.


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