I Too Are An Internets Dominate

2 12 2009

Ok, this shouldn’t take too long.  Pay attention. There will be a quiz at the end.

I see a fairly common statement made by D-types out on the internets, and I feel compelled to say something. If you have made this mistake, please take note of what I am about to tell you and correct yourself in the future.  It is important.  And this has to be stopped before someone gets hurt. Probably you if you do this.

I see people saying the following all across the internets:

I am a dominate with years of experience.

No. Your You’re not.  If you had years of experience, you would know that what you are is a Dominant. Not dominate. Dominate is what you do, Dominant is what you are.

Read the rest of this entry »

BDSM 101: Your First Club Event

1 04 2009

I wrote previously about going to your first munch. There are other types of BDSM events as well. The next one I want to look at is the Club Event.

BDSM clubs meet in various hotel rooms, leather bars and whatnot across the country. They are more focused on education than your average munch group. A munch group may teach, but it is more likely to be in the form of one on one tutoring, rather than a presentation during the munch. That said some munch groups are clubs and some clubs behave like a munch group, so don’t get hung up on a name. Also, unlike a munch, a club meeting is not usually focused on food.

Imagine a hall filled with chairs, all facing the same direction. A podium or a table is at the end of the room, and everyone is focused on the animated speaker that is discussing one area or another of our perversions. There may be a demonstration model in some sort of bondage, while the presenter talks about the finer points of how to lay the rope or tie a knot.

The people in both of the events are the same, folks you wouldn’t notice out of place in your local grocery. But in the privacy of a meeting room, people are slightly more likely to wear more fetish gear. Nothing truly naughty, but maybe a corset, or a collar. Leather vests are certain to be found, and many may be mistaken for bikers.

A club also is likely to have business meetings before or after the presentation (generally before), and often have a play party afterwards in a nearby hotel, home, or dungeon. Vendors may also be present, often local craftsmen and women who make wonderful little toys to abuse your partner with.

So, what about your local club? Tell me about it, in the comments.

BDSM 101: Collaring and Collaring Ceremonies

18 03 2009

I posted a few weeks ago about the ceremony that my esclave and I went through that formally acknowledged our relationship. In the lifestyle we call this a collaring ceremony. The collar is a physical representation of the spiritual bond between a Dominant and his submissive. A collaring ceremony is akin to a wedding in the non-kink world, and is where a Dominant claims the submissive partner and presents the collar.

Collars take many forms. They may be physical or only symbolic. A leather collar is just as good as one crafted from the finest precious metals. What is important is the relationship that they symbolize. A Dominant commits to protect, nurture and, perhaps most importantly from a lifestyle perspective, control their partner in a considered, respectful manner. While romantic love is often found in the relationship, it is not a requirement to be collared. Love, though, is a requirement I believe, for a healthy relationship to develop.

Typically, a Dominant will pick the collar out for her submissive. She may involve him in the process, but normally the decision is all hers. A physical collar may be a simple chain with a padlock, a dog collar bought at the local pet store, or even a piece of costume jewelry bought at the mall. Depending on the relationship, and their needs, a collar may lock, but it is almost equally likely that it will not. In my case, I commissioned a collar from a website (BondageCollars.com) that is designed to be non-removable (is secured with a hex-screw), but still looks like normal jewelry.

Then we come to the Collaring Ceremony. The ceremony may be intimate, just between the Master and slave involved, or it may be a large event with friends and family invited. If they are in an online only relationship, it may be a simple phone call, or online chat where descriptive chat is typed out. In any event, no matter where the event is held, or who attends, it should be seen as a somber event with bit of significance in our lifestyle, as a wedding is in the vanilla world.

A ceremony can be lead by a third party, as many I have attended have been. A community leader or respected friends conducts the ceremony and requests statements from both parties stating their commitments. In the case of my ceremony, I lead the ceremony, and had my esclave make her own statements.

In both cases, the normal course of events is to get those who are present to pledge their support of their relationship and to support the couple in the future. I can state from witnessing several and having my own, that a collaring is often a moving experience and can bring many there to tears.

I hope that you find these links to Collaring ceremonies useful, and I hope that you find your own way to make yours meaningful.

Ceremony of the Roses.
Gorean Ceremony.
Sample Collaring Ceremony.

Let me know what you think of this, well you know where, in the comments.


BDSM 101: Household Task Management

19 02 2009

One of the responsibilities of a dominant is to keep his (or her) household running smoothly.  There are many tricks to doing this, but I have found a nice (and free) online service called Remember the Milk. To say that it is just another online todo list would be an understatement of its capabilities.  While it has the normal todo capabilities you would find in many todo lists, you can email yourself todos, subscribe to your lists via internet standards, even assign other users of the service tasks.

How I like to use it primarily is to call my girl and say to her, I need to remember this, add it to my list. She then types it up, assigns it to the date I want.  The next morning it is on my iPhone when I check (ok, this part cost money, but only $25/year, a reasonable price I think.  BlackBerry and Windows Mobile support available as well).  I also get SMS messages reminding me of tasks, if I set it up that way and emails too.  Multiple task lists, tagging and locations are also part of the basic service.   And for those of you who use Google‘s services, Remember the Milk has many modules that work well with either iGoogle or Gmail.

Overall I am quite pleased with the service, and I recommend it highly.  The hardest and most important part though is remembering to use it.   Anything will work, but you need to use it every day.


Hey, Lets Do Another Video!

17 02 2009

Found another one by TwistedMonk.  We have used them before on the House of Void site, so I hope you enjoy this one as much as you have in the past.


BDSM 101: Your First Munch

3 02 2009

So, you have found this blog, and you have been thinking about going real time but you don’t know what to do next. One popular option is something we call a Munch.

What is a Munch?

If you’re new, you may have never heard of Munches. They are basically gatherings of kinky folk that get together to share food and friendship in a casual atmosphere. I still remember my first Munch, many, many years ago at a nice Thai restaurant in Charlotte. I didn’t know what to expect, but here are a few tips to help you out.

The Munch location is usually a private section of a restaurant, we tend to keep to ourselves to prevent us from scaring the vanillas (people who are not in the lifestyle) too much. You are likely to see people of all shapes, sizes and orientations. (You are probably only going to see white folks at a munch, but I encourage anybody that might be scared off by this to not be. Kinksters are very open and accepting of people of different ethnic origins, as we are all lovers of the kink.) Read the rest of this entry »

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