FetLife: Following vs. Friending

11 02 2019

Following now shows their public activities on your feed.

Friend gives you the ability to send unlimited messages, write on their wall, and view friends only writings, photos, and videos.

If you are following a friend then their friends only material will also appear on your freed. When you send someone a friend request, you automatically follow them unless they have following turned off. Then you will follow when they accept your friend request. Finally unfollowing a friend removes their activities from your feed.


Baku Talks Bluntly About the Changes on FetLife. 

18 01 2017

I’ll let his words speak for themselves, but I will say it was a through and thoughtful post.


My Thoughts on the Recent Purge on FetLife

17 01 2017

Recently I posted about the new purge of forbidden fetishes and groups on FetLife. I want to make something clear. While I hate that John Baku and BitLove have to toe the line of the credit card processors, but let us be real they do. FetLife is a privatly owned website and has provided a great service to the community. But to stay open, they have to be able to take credit cards. It is unpleasant, but real.

My issue is that I had wished that John had published an announcement about the cleanup. It is true that many of these fetishes were banned years ago, though he tried to be clever and hid them for as long as he could to get around the processors.  I suspect that caused the issue we are dealing with today. So John, if you read this, please take a minute and let us know what is going on.

Thanks if you do, John.


FetLife’s Great Purge

17 01 2017

Looks like our favorite fetish social network is purging again, and has been silent on it again too. Right now there is no credit card payment option, no add new group link, and groups and fetishes on the banned words list are disappearing. The only official word on the recent actions taken were on a post about removing blood photos and that it was due to the new political climate here in America.

I’ll post any updates I find out.


FetLife’s Dirty Little Secret

28 10 2013

FetLife has a secret. There are things it has not been telling you. There are things FetLife doesn’t want you to know about. Things FetLife has been strangely silent on. There are things there (some of which are allowed still by FetLife’s terms of use) that you cannot find.  When you search for these words, you won’t find Groups, Fetishes or even Users who have these words in their names or profile.  Some of these terms are understandable, some are not.

Strangely, even though there have been several posts on the FetLife tech support group about this, there has been no official response from FetLife or John Baku. We know this is deliberate, and not some sort of bug, because at one point you could search the terms using quote marks and then all of a sudden you couldn’t. We know these aren’t necessarily banned terms, because if you can find a user with them in their profile and click on them you can find them. And Hypnotism isn’t banned and returns results that include the banned terms.

Below is a list of terms compiled by a FetLife user named Snakeman. He did a lot of work (which I have’t done the research to verify, but you should be able to find out for yourself by clicking on the links.

Frankly some of this disturbs me deeply. FetLife used to be a safe place for kinksers to meet and discuss taboo topics.  I still think it is the best place to connect with other members of my community, but it seems it is no longer a place to discuss taboos.  I will be emailing John Baku for his official statement and to why there has been no official word as to why this has been kept quiet.

Is FetLife About to Go Out of Business?

4 02 2013
The leather pride flag, which has become a sym...

The leather pride flag, which has become a symbol of BDSM and fetish subcultures. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I saw this question in the tech support forum on FetLife today. This sparked me to think about FetLife’s current situation. A few weeks ago JohnBaku announced that FetLife lost its relationship suddenly with it’s payment processor. Now if you read the full thread, you will see the end where iBill starts talking. To be honest, I don’t know who to believe about what happened. And I don’t care. It isn’t relevant to me and my life right now.

Now, I personally don’t think FetLife is going anywhere anytime soon. But it does beg the question what do I do if FetLife goes away.

FetLife has offered a unique opportunity to grow the Fetish and BDSM communities like nothing ever seen before. It allowed us to connect. It allowed us to exchange ideas. It allowed local communities to grow at an unbelievable rate.

It was a good thing.

But, is your community prepared for what happens if FetLife goes down? Will your munch group survive? Do you have people’s email? Do you have a website? Do you have contingency marketing plans? Don’t build your community only on the back of FetLife, instead leverage FetLife to market what you build.


To Slaves: Yes you Have a Choice

20 07 2012
A BDSM-style collar that buckles in the back. ...

Photo credit: Wikipedia

Ok. I saw something on FetLife today that really annoyed me. A slave essentially said the following:

It isn’t my choice to do this, my Master made me do this.


Yes slaves, unless you are brain-damaged or brainwashed, it is your choice. It may not be your preference but you choose every day to obey and honor your Master. Do not demean that choice by saying that it isn’t yours to make. Own it. Be proud of it.

Now, if you are a slave who is beaten and kept chained naked in an unheated damp basement, then I am wrong in your case. You don’t have a choice. Everyone else, watch your language.

(And if your that chained/caged/beaten slaves master, message me about how the fuck you got away with it.


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