Real Life Is Hard

21 08 2013

We are all united by our desire for the unusual. We crave our secret fetishes. We keep them private, and build up elaborate fantasies about them. If we are lucky, we get a chance to enact them. Make the real. Sometimes it is for but an hour, others it is for a weekend. A few of us get to live them all of our lives. We find that special partner to connect with. To help us reach our dreams.

Real life gets in the way a lot of times. Jobs, family, physical and mental health. Each of these can cause us to loose our path and loose our focus.

That has been my life lately. I am working hard on getting back on the path, but it is difficult. A challenge that must be faced. This isn’t just a part of my life, this is who I am. It is what makes me happy. It is why I chose my life partner and married her.

There is much that has been done, but there is much more that there is to do.  For those of you in crisis, good luck. I know what its like.


Let’s Talk About Sex (and BDSM)

3 12 2011

I’m seeing something today that I find interesting. More and more I am seeing new people into the scene looking for sex. Pain and Sex. Control and Sex. Spankings and Sex. Bondage and Sex. Very different from the world I came of age in.

When I started out, I was directed to improve myself. Learn control. Learn how to manipulate the flash of my partner. Bring agony and ecstasy to my partner. Sex would come to eventually, with the right person.And it would be great. Don’t limit your options by only playing with those you would fuck. Instead sample a wide variety. Try different skills. Learn. Grow. Be a better Dominant for your submissive, but play with those that were available so you can be better.

I think it is what made me a good Master for my esclave. We have sex, but our relationship is not based on sex. Sex is good, but Control is better. She knows her place. I know mine. We are both happier this way. And sex is better this way.

But there were a whole lot of people before her that I played with that allowed me to be who I am with her.And I appreciate them for the opportunity for growth they allowed me.

Some couldn’t imagine doing what they do without a sexual relationship. I can respect this, but I think they are missing out on a while lot Opportunities to learn and grow. How can you know if your partner will like something if you don’t take the time to become good at it? The first time may be so bad they never want to do it again, while a more experienced player can tell you what you are doing well.

Look at the acronym BDSM. Originally this meant Bondage and Discipline plus Sadism and Masochism. Later, Domination and Submission was added to round out the group. Bondage is tying someone up.Discipline means control and pain. Sadism is about inflicting pain, Masochism means receiving pain. Domination and Submission are about taking and giving up control.

Where is the Sex in that list? It isn’t there. And I think there is a reason for that.

Let me know what you think, in the comments.


The Road Map to Leadership

11 08 2010

Sometime last year I was reading Seth Godin’s book “Linchpin: Are You Indispensable?” and in it he mentions something he calls the road map to leadership. This is a fantastic book on how to make you indispensable as an employee. But I wanted to focus on something he wrote on leadership.

Basically, some people would come to him and ask him the best way to be a leader. His point was that there was no road map to leadership. Each and every leader has to find his or her own path. To be a good leader, you usually have to fail a lot first. You make mistakes, you fuck up. But you learn from them. If you’re a good leader, you don’t keep on making the same mistake over and over again. Hopefully you make entirely new fuckups.

But you grow and you learn. And eventually you do great things. And as a leader you will have to deal with people who come to you with complaints about what you are doing. Some are very passionate, some are just real jerks. All want you to hear them.

This leads me to a second point I want to make. I was listening to a podcast (Restaurant Guys Radio Show, if you’re curious). In it there was a wine maker that was talking about how to get results with your critiques. I liked her approach. While not Lifestyle related, I like learning what I can from whom I can.  No sense reinventing the wheel.

What she said is that if you want to make a difference with your criticism, don’t just say they are missing up. Give them options. If you see me fuck up, and you want to tell me about it, the way not to do it is to come to me and say, “Void, you are fucking up.” You need to come to me and tell me in what way I am messing up and what clever way you have about how not to fuck up in the future. Just coming to a leader and saying that they are bad and can’t do crap is a quick way to be ignored. Not that they want to, but that they have to focus on the issue at hand. Unless you have a solution, then it is probably best to be quiet.

Anyway, those are my thoughts for this evening. I would be interested in hearing your thoughts on these subjects.



10 02 2010

Ok, I don’t know how I missed this site before (perhaps because while I like Leather, and I hang sometimes with Leather, I am definitely not Leather). I ran across this fantastic site the other day while in FetLife. This site is Leatherati. What is Leatherati? In their own words:

Leatherati launched in 2009 after a long (and productive!) gestation in the minds of Loren Berthelsen and Alex Lindsay. Sensing a gaping hole in the informatosphere for things leathery, but not adult-rated, the duo leveraged their long-standing involvement in the leather community to bring you the most comprehensive leather content site available today. Leatherati explores our unique lifestyle of contests and titleholders, travel and events, dining and drinking, entertainment and shopping and of course, news and opinion.

There was an article talking about the importance of fund raising and Leather contests. It gave the history and asked if maybe there was too much emphasis on how much money a person can raise when it may be better done elsewhere and at the cost of other excellent attributes.

If you want to learn a bit about where we come from (admittedly there is more to the story than leather, but it is a big part of it) then I would suggest you do what I plan on doing and spend a few days at the site reading their posts. Truly excellent content.


Daily Texan Writes Nice About Lifestylers

27 01 2010

I found this article in the Daily Texan written by a novice with a negative view of the BDSM Community.

Bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism — these are the many faces of the loaded BDSM acronym. But as multifaceted and large as the BDSM community is, the majority of us never actually encounter it in real life.

I think my earliest introduction to the BDSM lifestyle came from the gimp in “Pulp Fiction” and the dominatrix in “Shortbus,” and neither character made me think very highly of the subculture. Not to mention the years of “Law and Order: Special Victims Unit” marathons, which taught me that BDSM is sexual perversion wherein selfish, deranged men torture women. So when I decided to see for myself what BDSM culture was like, I was more than a little bit nervous about the possible naivete of my plan.

A quick Google query of “Austin, BDSM” took me to, a clearinghouse Web site where I was able to find a few local groups aimed at beginners in the BDSM lifestyle, including The Next Generation and Austin Voyagers.

I would really suggest you read the rest. Particularly if you have never attended a public gathering of Kinksters. I found it amusing that she spent 45 minutes looking for the kinky folks. As a bonus for me, I know some people in the area so it is nice to have a frame of reference. lol.


Black Thunder

18 11 2009

If  you are looking for something to do in the May timeline, you might want to check out Black Thunder.  Imagine being in the mountains of Tennessee in a log cabin surrounded by kinky folk.  All your meals provided for.  Vending.  Camaraderie.  And the price for what you would pay for a weekend hotel stay at another event.  Very nice.

Black Thunder 2010 is an education conference for Blacks and People of Color in the Leather and BDSM Community that will be held at a 4-star mountain resort in the Great Smoky Mountains near Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, away from the concrete jungle of the major cities and the everyday hum-drum of life.

Be prepared to embark on a totally unique “BDSM Convention Experience” in the natural beauty of the Smoky Mountains during this all-inclusive three days and nights, intense, energy-filled, exciting, educational conference.

We have reserved several impressive, beautiful, majestic, luxurious, colossal mountain lodges overlooking the Great Smoky Mountains that provides spectacular views from the decks and provides an elegant rustic atmosphere not soon forgotten.

Get away with us for a weekend of education, relaxation, socializing, recharging and most of all, enjoying the use of the play spaces and connecting or reconnecting with other members of the Leather and BDSM Communities

Please note that space is limited to only 150 attendees, including presenters and vendors, don’t delay, register now to secure your space.

Click here to visit the Black Thunder 2010 Event Website

Be sure to check it out.


Mastering Mastery

28 10 2009

I ran across this video by Merlin Mann, and I thought it is an example about how to become a better person in the lifestyle. Now, watching this video may take a bit of patience and it doesn’t directly relate to our Lifestyle.  But it focuses on being the best.  Mastering a task.  Watch this video. Reflect upon its deeper meaning. I found it quite informative.


Read the rest of this entry »

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