Negotiating and Slavery and Surrender

18 01 2014

Question:

“If M/s is a power exchange, an exchange being “the act of giving or taking one thing in return for another” What power did any of the master’s transfer to their slaves?

If the answer is none- then there is no exchange of power.

If there was a transfer of power, a negotiated act, we no longer have m/s we have d/s.”

Answer:

I have been thinking about the above question for a while now.

The Master is giving his power (control, decision making, etc.) to the slave in exchange for her power (control, decision making, etc).

It’s really not complicated.

For me the power is me giving up my power to make certain decisions, do certain acts, and to become a certain way at his directive.

This is in exchange for his power to me of control, live by his rule, and live a certain way under his direction.

Whether there is more or less negotiation in M/s or D/s is up to the individuals or parties involved.  The level of negotiations are irrelevant.

Question:

Is slavery a negotiable act? If yes, how does one negotiate surrender?

Answer:

Since each individual has free will and we are living in a time when real slavery is outlawed and prosecuted in America, the choice we make to be enslaved to someone is therefore something that is negotiated.  How those negotiations look and what is negotiated is between the people or parties involved.

With my choice of being consciously enslaved to Master comes the giving up of further negotiations on how to act, speak, and to accept the choices made by the Master for the slave.  Again this is individualized for each relationship pertaining to what is and is not negotiated.

—————————————

Truthfully this lifestyle we live is all about negotiations and what we choose to live under.  It boggles my mind sometimes why we choose to complicate it with issues of who is more real than the other.  Your kink is not my kink and that is okay and until M/s becomes a legally allowed concept with legislation and everything we need to remember YKINMK and move on.

Definitions: 

ex·change  (ks-chnj)

v. ex·changedex·chang·ingex·chang·es
v.tr.

1. To give in return for something received; trade: exchange dollars for francs; exchanging labor for room and board.
2. To give and receive reciprocally; interchange: exchange gifts; exchange ideas.
3. To give up for a substitute: exchange a position in the private sector for a post in government.
4. To turn in for replacement: exchange defective merchandise at a store.
v.intr.

1. To give something in return for something received; make an exchange.
2. To be received in exchange: At that time the British pound exchanged for $2.80.


  pow·er  (pour)

n.

1. The ability or capacity to perform or act effectively.
2. A specific capacity, faculty, or aptitude. Often used in the plural: her powers of concentration.
3. Strength or force exerted or capable of being exerted; might. See Synonyms at strength.
4. The ability or official capacity to exercise control; authority.
5. A person, group, or nation having great influence or control over others: the western powers.
6. The might of a nation, political organization, or similar group.
7. Forcefulness; effectiveness: a novel of unusual power.
8. Chiefly Upper Southern U.S. A large number or amount. See Regional Note at powerful.

 

 Negotiation is a dialogue between two or more people or parties, intended to reach an understanding, resolve point of difference, or gain advantage in outcome of dialogue, to produce an agreement upon courses of action, to bargain for individual or collective advantage, to craft outcomes to satisfy various interests of two people/parties involved in negotiation process. Negotiation is a process where each party involved in negotiating tries to gain an advantage for themselves by the end of the process. Negotiation is intended to aim at compromise.

Negotiation occurs in business, non-profit organizations, government branches, legal proceedings, among nations and in personal situations such as marriage, divorce, parenting, and everyday life. The study of the subject is called negotiation theory. Professional negotiators are often specialized, such as union negotiatorsleverage buyout negotiatorspeace negotiatorshostage negotiators, or may work under other titles, such as diplomatslegislators or brokers.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negotiation

surrender

[sə rendər]

verb

To surrender is defined as to give up control of something or to give something up to another.

consciously
Variant of conscious

adjective

  1. having a feeling or knowledge (of one’s own sensations, feelings, etc. or of external things); knowing or feeling (that something is or was happening or existing); aware; cognizant
  2. able to feel and think; in the normal waking state
  3. aware of oneself as a thinking being; knowing what one is doing and why
  4. self-conscious
  5. accompanied by an awareness of what one is thinking, feeling, and doing; intentional: conscious humor
  6. known to or felt by oneself: conscious guilt
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Post for Monday

23 07 2012

Nothing new with me at the moment.

Our weekend was good.

We saw Batman.  I would recommend it to anyone.  Great wrap up to a trilogy

Sad start to the week with the stuff going on in Colorado.   As President Obama said…life is precious and each moment we have with each other is important.

 

Waste no more time talking about great souls and how they should be. Become one yourself!

Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
Roman Emperor, A.D. 161-180 (121 AD – 180 AD)





Active Listening, Positive Reinforcement, Perception, and Growth

16 07 2012

I know, that’s a lot for a title….LOL  But it is all things I want to talk about.  Hopefully my thoughts are clear, if not, ask.

I will include no disclaimers about my words…

Several thoughts on this subject have been popping around in my head.

I found this really good article on “Active Listening” from Wikipedia.  Type it in a search engine and take a look.

Most people, when they practice “active listening” tend to parrot back to the speaker what was said in order to move towards clarification of something from the speaker to the listener.  This is a useful skill in parenting, relationships, teaching, and working.  This helps with cutting down on misunderstandings of interpretations due to a number of reasons.  It can also help both parties take a step back from a volatile situation due to emotions popping up, triggers (look it up) being set off, old memories and other hindrances to listening to each other.

One of the things, I find, that is not practiced in learning “active listening” is the ability for people to not internalize, even after clarification, what they think the other person might have said due to their own personal, internal blocks.

Meaning, the problem will continue when the listener’s internal filters says:  “I heard what you said and I understand what you said but I know that’s not what you really meant.”

In this instance it is up to the listener to internally work towards understanding their problem because it is their problem.

I used to feel such guilt and responsibility that someone might possibly misunderstand even one word of what I said that I would use many clarifiers to insure that what they heard was pleasant and pleasing and wouldn’t leave them with any negative emotions.  My words became watered down and my convictions became not so convicted.  I had no stand on anything because of my perceptions on how the other person would be affected.

My responsibility…take ownership of what are my problems.  I am all about self-growth and exploration.  I love to learn about myself.  I take full responsibility for my growth and I know when something is not right due to my own internal issues.  I become more me when I become more authentic.  I accept my flaws and know when they are just that, my flaws.  I was out talking with hubby, having an impromptu date night, all of a sudden I started hearing us speak to each other.  It was like one of those out of body for clarity type moments.  I heard us both making disclaimers to each other while we were talking.  I don’t even know when we started doing this.  It just struck me so hard that I stopped talking and I said to him I don’t know when conversations with us became so hard.  When did we have to start apologizing to each other in order to make the other feel good?  I said, “I am not doing that anymore.”  In my mind, at that moment, we became the adults that we both are.  My responsibility in that moment became to treat him as an adult that does not need to be spoon fed anything and also releasing him from whatever feelings he might have of needing to do that to me.  I am not going to assume anymore that he misunderstood my words because trying to clarify something that you think the other person misunderstood or might accept the wrong way will lead to both of you doing this:

Person 1:  I’m sorry, I only meant by my words (insert explanation here)

Person 2:  I understood what you said.  I wanted to let you know that (insert explanation here)

Person 1:  Oh yeah, I got that.  I just wanted to make sure you heard (insert explanation here)

And this can go on and on before you both realize that you don’t even remember what you are clarifying, you don’t remember what you were talking about, and you are both left with this sort of WTF just happened sort of feeling.

In that moment you disconnect from each other.  You stop becoming “one” in the sense of being together in the relationship and start becoming two people in a relationship.

This is not a killer in relationships because with realization of the problem(s) comes growth.  Growth has to happen.  No relationship is static and no two people in a relationship can be static.  Static relationships lead to two people in a dead relationship.

So we move and we ebb and flow as people do. I love and I hate this relationship sometimes.  But it’s always worth the price of admission or submission, so to speak.





50/50, 75/25, 60/40, 100/0….

2 07 2012

My post tonight will be a short one.

Something I have come to realize in relationships is that when things start to go bad people start to look at how much each has contributed to the relationship.  We start to become consumed with the percentages we give in relation to the other party.

We start making lists of things that we do and they don’t do.  The percentage of promises kept that we keep that they don’t keep. We start looking at how much more we give to the relationship than the other person.  How many times we tried to talk and had to say the same thing over and over due to he or she not listening.  How much more we sacrifice, change, give up than the other person?

For me love is as it says in 1 Corinthians 13: 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

For me this means that love does not keep bringing up the things that the other person has done to the point that it is used as a weapon and a hindrance.  When you start to keep a record of things that the other person has done wrong you are putting your energies into helping you end the relationship.

This relationship has taught me many things both good and bad about myself.  When things are going bad with us I start going over in my head how I serve better than he Master’s.  How I have given up more than he has given up.  How I have adjusted more than he has had to adjust.  Whatever the case may be.  I realized that for myself if I am truly operating from a point of not leaving this relationship then I need to not do that anymore.

I can’t hold onto these “records of wrongs” and leave room for my heart to continue to be open.  These wrongs (perceived or otherwise) close my heart and makes me incapable of seeing when things do change.  I fail to see these changes because holding on to these things makes me doubtful and causes me to be afraid to be open again.

“If you don’t accept responsibility for your own actions, then you are forever chained to a position of defense.”

Holly LisleFire In The Mist, 1992

This is just my revelation and everyone has to make the decision for themselves what is and is not good for their relationship. I am all about accepting personal responsibility and for me despite my Master or what’s happening in our relationship this is my personal responsibility to ensure that I am giving me to this relationship.  That is my vow to him.





Reflections on what home feels like

19 06 2012

I was recently interviewed for an article concerning the first conference I have ever went to…BlackBEAT.

I read the article and wasn’t really feeling the slant the article took and it didn’t actually vibe with me.  For some reason I kept wishing that the article was focussed more on expanding the classes, having more extras…fun, fun, fun.

Then I thought about it more.  This article was actually spot on.  There was so much truth in this article….simple truth that makes BlackBEAT more than just another conference in a long line of conferences.  There is just something about hugs at BlackBEAT.

When I made the decision to attend BlackBEAT alone I worried that I would get lost in the mix of people that would attend.  One of the things I did was sign up to volunteer so that I could be seen and get to know others who came.  I am normally a quiet person in crowds and not very welcoming to others so this was my way of getting out of my head.   I had no need to worry.  The first person I met when I entered the hotel was Cyberdiva.  She might not realize this or even remember it but that hug and welcome she gave me meant the world to me.  I felt accepted and welcomed.

It touched something in me and  no matter what the rest of the conference held that hug opened me up to be receptive to other hugs and other meetings and other experiences outside of what I usually allowed in my personal space.  When Master and I were leaving the O’Kink Family Reunion, Mistress Max hugged me to say goodbye and I just broke down and cried.  There is just something about hugs given and received at BlackBEAT.

I have to say with each BlackBEAT I have attended it is the same feeling…even at the scaled down day of Survivor Saturday.  Seeing everyone, coming home, being around family…those are the things that make BlackBEAT for me.  The classes, the knowledge shared, the lessons taught and learned are icing on a delicious red velvet cake.

Think I am the only way who feels this way…Nopecheck it outthere are others.

If you feel like stepping out and attending a conference this should be your first step…BlackBEAT 2012.  Go with open arms as hugs will be given freely.





“Why?”

4 06 2012

This weekend Master and I realized that we communicate differently.  Shocker, I know…LOL

This communication difference though is in terms of how each of us deal with the question “Why?”

“Imagination is more important than knowledge..”    ~.Albert Einstein US (German-born) physicist (1879 – 1955) 

When I ask the question “Why?’, most times it is not with the desire to really know the answer.   Sometimes I like to just wonder why.  I like to imagine a possible answer outside of the actual answer.   Besides no one has all of the answers and a lot of the stuff that was thought to be the answer to something changes.  So why can’t my imaginings be a possibility.  😀

“If a man empties his purse into his head no one can take it away from him. An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.”  

~Benjamin Franklin
US author, diplomat, inventor, physicist, politician, & printer (1706 – 1790)

Master, when he asks “Why?” or hears someone else ask “Why?”  he actually needs to find out “Why?”.  He is a lover of facts and knowledge.  His constant companion is either his iPhone or his iPad.  He listens to podcasts, read books, watches TV and looks at videos that deals with facts on different subjecst. He will immerse himself in a subject or many subjects until he has heard all sides.  There have been a number of people who mentioned wanting to lick his brain…LOL  If there is a subject that he has not heard about he will say, “I didn’t know that” and then find out about it.

This does not mean that I don’t find out actual truth about stuff that matters to me or that he doesn’t like to imagine different possibilities.

What this means is that when we talk with each other knowing this difference helps our communication go a lot smoother.  One thing that is a positive is that both of us are flexible.  The times when he wants to talk seriously about something I can and I find out what I don’t actually know.  Times when I need him to fantasize he does.  Worlds open up from his imagination, although a few facts sometimes slip in…lol.

Flexibility and Understanding.  Two more keys to keeping a relationship going.





All You Gotta Do Is Say Yes

23 05 2012

While listening to “Say Yes” by Floetry a thought hit me…my mind wanders in funny tangets sometimes towards clarity.

In the video the lady is writing about how the guy makes her feel and the man was drawing a picture of her.  Both in seperate seats, both thinking about each other.

The Chorus of the song goes:

“All you gotta do is say yes

Don’t deny what you feel let me undress you baby

Open up your mind just rest

I’m about to let you know you make me…”

Aside from the sexual reference the clarity that came to me was “Fill your mind with what you want/desire”.  Of late my brain has been on a downward spiral of what I don’t have (no job, no personal income, no stability, no whatever).  I have filled my brain with stress, sorrow, depression.

Last night lying in bed with Master I felt incredibly tired holding on to this stuff.

For self preservation I need to fill my head with better stuff.

“First keep the peace within yourself, then you can also bring peace to others.”

Thomas a Kempis1420
German mystic & religious author (1380 – 1471)








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