You want me to do what?!?

25 10 2010

So early on in our relationship there were times when Master would ask me to do something or show me how something needs to be done and I took it as a personal afront.  I felt as if he was saying to me that I was incapable of making any worthwhile decisions and that I could not do anything on my own.

I had such a  knot inside of me that would constantly be added to every time he would tell me something.  There are times when I can be very passive aggressive.  I wouldn’t say if stuff would bother me, I would get snippy and expect him to read my mind.

So when he would ask me if everything was okay I would say, yes, and then get upset when he wouldn’t do what i thought he should do and probe further.  Make me answer him.  Make me tell him the truth about my feelings.

Yes, looking at it now I can see how unproductive for our relationship and how unfair it was to him.  A power exchange relationship such as what we have takes both of us.

So after make myself upset to the point where I was thinking seriously of leaving I had to sit myself down and get a grip.  Communication is everything.  I realized it wasn’t his telling me something it was my fear of being seen as incompetent.  It seems that I have been always trying to prove that I can do stuff.

I have learned that I don’t have to prove anything to Sir.   He doesn’t see me as less than.  He chose me because of who I am not in spite of it.

The best thing that has happened to me within this relationship is the amount of time I have had to get to know me.

MV’s esclave

BrideZilla…Not allowed

11 10 2010

As I mentioned last week Master and I are getting married…yay…really really soon…yay but argh.

Master said small ceremony big family reception.    Fine with me.  I think it would really be special if the ceremony included him, me  and the children.  Very personal…very special.

Planning this however has taken me through some changes.    I am feeling pressure in planning the menu, finding a dress, finding a location and finding someone to marry us.  I have been slowly freaking out and acting like a bridezilla as opposed to Master’s slave.  With the pressure of the fast approaching deadline, i have found myself being snappish, a bit short and whiny.  I haven’t lost my mind totally and snapped on Master, though as he has two friends that I don’t want to meet (Mr. Cranky and Mr. Sparky…electricity bad….lol)  Master said to me yesterday that basically I need to get a grip and remember some perspective.

What I need to remember is that Master’s directives outweigh my tendency to want to go overboard.  Small ceremony.  Master’s slave first.


MV’s esclave

Marriage and M/s

5 10 2010

So Master and I are getting married yay.  But now I am wondering if marriage changes an M/s relationship.

Master has been reminding me that this marriage does not change our dynamic.  I am his slave first and foremost.  The marriage is purely for legal reasons only.

I am going to write my observations about this as I go along.  My view for me on marriage is that the man is the head.  I have not been married within an M/s dynamic an my last marriage was definitely not man first.

Another fascinating path in my life.

If you have any comments or observations on Marriage and M/s please feel free to add and share.

MV’s esclave

A lesson to Remember

27 09 2010

This was something I posted on my personal page a while ago.   As I remember my journey and take pride in my present I think this is one lesson that I should not forget.


I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you’ll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin might mean takin chances but theyre worth takin,
Lovin might be a mistake but its worth makin,
Dont let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance….i hope you dance.
I hope you dance….i hope you dance.
(time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)

So I woke up this morning, totally late for work and laughing.  The first person I spoke with was my Master and I said to him “I want to dance Master”. His response included the words Cattle Prod…LOL  Not the kind of dancing I was thinking…LOL  As I started to get out of bed the chorus to the above song was playing in my head.  I looked up the words before I left for work and this song says what I had in mind.

The words to this song are about freedom, loving yourself, loving life, acceptance of the curves in your life, letting go, holding on, and enjoyment.   Thank you Father.

MV’s esclave (dancing)


Questions, comments, please feel free to post

MV’s esclave

Centered Through Meditation

20 09 2010

One of the tools that I use to help keep me centered is meditation.

I meditate 3 days out of the week for 20 minutes.   I usually meditate with soothing music playing and in a dark room.  This helps me relax my mind after such a busy day which usually starts at 6:30am.  Admittedly it is hard sometimes and it takes bit longer for me to relax into it.  When those times happen I spend the first few moments just focusing on my breathing.  I take deliberate breaths in and out until I feel my body relaxing and my mind opening up.

Master’s constant teaching for me is to learn how to just be.  Be where I am at the moment and nothing more.  I have the tendency to be all over the place and many days in the future.  It has taken me sometime to really appreciate the times that I have for meditation because I kept thinking that my time could be better spent doing many of the hundred other things that I had to do.

What I realized though was that meditation actually helped me be more focused.  Instead of running around doing many thing all at once I do one thing at a time giving my full time and attention to the task as needed.

Importantly when I meditate it reminds that I am doing this at my Master’s command.  Each time I kneel in position I am submitting my will to my Master’s will.

For me, my submission to Master is one step at a time.  I become my Master’s slave always and in all ways.

“Some people think it’s holding on that makes one strong- sometimes it’s letting go.” anonymous

Thoughts, comments…please feel free to share.

MV’s esclave

Random Thoughts – Parenting and M/s

13 09 2010

Just some a random thought for tonight.

I realize that Master and I do very well managing our relationship with children involved.  Even managing to have playtime with the kids in the house.

We use quiet techniques.  Meaning that I am not allowed to make any noise no matter how much it hurts.  For me that is tough as I am not a quiet person.  I  like to moan and scream and make all sorts of noises.  No such thing with kids around.

For instance on Master’s last visit here we did some impact play.  I don’t mean light play.  Master was punching my breast really hard.  This was made much more intense as I couldn’t make a sound.  Of course this was after the kids were asleep and with the TV on.

Our relationship does not differ from that of any other relationship with children.   An M/s life can be lived with children and I believe lived without any extra finesse or hiding needed.

Just a short random thought.

Comments please feel free to add

MV’s esclave

How not to negotiate: I will not be in a long distance relationship

7 09 2010

I am going to attempt to write this and hopefully it won’t come across as sounding full of regret.

When I met Master I was in a relationship with someone who was on the other side of US in the Pacific Northwest.  This relationship was really hard as I am the type of person who needs regular physical contact.  I am not much of a talker but physical contact gives me energy.   I like to snuggle and give random hugs and kisses and just touch a hand.   Also, I like to have sex with someone over having sex alone.  The interaction and energy exchange from bodies touching.  I like seeing the pleasure on my Master’s, seeing his body flushed from excitement, kissing his lips while we exchange breath.  Sinking into one another…his pleasure is my pleasure.

So having someone hours and hours away I realize is not good for me.    Besides that’s how relationship were supposed to be to me.  So after my relationship broke up while I was talking with Master I said I cannot do a long distance relationship.  Our goals included me moving to be closer to him which is why I continued to get to know him.  So a year after my collaring I  was supposed to move to be with him.

But, life got in the way big time.  Master and I met right around the time the financial and housing industry was exploding and the hardest areas hit were the areas where he lived.  Unemployment sky rocketed all over and jobs were non-existent.  So my moving with my family down there was put on hold and unfortunately, neither one of us knew when stuff would change.

So here I am in an unintentional long distance relationship.  The difference with this relationship is that we are in a relationship in which both of us are determined for it to work.  One thing that helps is that he is also here with me.   So we both have taken turns coming to see each other.  I can say that since we have been together we have seen each other every 5-6 weeks.  I think because of the distance we talk about everything and because we are in a M/s hierarchy it really forces me to continue to be open.   It has not been easy not being with him all the time but I think the times when we are together are much more special because of the distance.

My words of wisdom…never say never.  My view of a relationship was of two people being together 24/7 but relationships are engineered by the people involved in them.  They should not be defined by others ideas.

MV’s esclave

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