9 03 2011

Consistency. That is a word that is often used in our community, but do we really understand what it means?  It doesn’t mean being strict. It doesn’t mean being boring or being repetitive. What it means is that you are the same now as when you began the relationship. It doesn’t mean your interests can’t change.  It doesn’t mean that you don’t grow as an individual. It does mean you are rational in your progress as a person. The growth and changes are rational. That your slave can see where you were and where you are, and that the core is there.

One example from my relationship is how I manage the tasks I give my girl.  I tell her to do things, and then I watch.  I may not pay attention every day, but I know what I have asked her to do and after the time together she does too. I monitor things, and watch and while I may not comment every day, I will eventually. She knows this. This is how I have been from day one.  Is this the right thing for your relationship? Maybe yes, maybe no, but it works for ours. If she doesn’t do what she is supposed to, she knows I will hang her by her actions. Or will reward her as well.

So I am consistent. I have done this since day one. I may not be consistent as you define it, but I am consistent in a way she understand.

How do you define consistency in your relationships?


Watching What One Says

29 01 2011

I was browsing across a conversation on FetLife which did not go the way the original poster (OP in Fet language) had anticipated. The content of the message isn’t important to what I have to say. What I have to say is this. When you have a thread that doesn’t go the way you want, you have two choices.  You can accept it. Or you can rave like a maniac.  Guess which he did? Guess how it turned out?

When you are a leader (and this “gentleman” was both a dominant and a leader of a TNG group), then you have to hold yourself accountable for your actions. You must think before you react.

And don’t be juvenile if you don’t always get what you want.


Safety in BDSM Is Not Always Black and White

4 05 2009

A post on one of the websites I frequent today spurred a thought on the issues of safety and BDSM. BDSM is a high risk activity, along the lines of hiking and camping, white water rafting, or even bungee jumping or parasailing. That said, I am more philosophically aligned with RACK not SSC. Each and every one of us do not have the same issues with safety. What is safe for me, may be highly dangerous for another. Theses are things that we must keep in mind when planning or witnessing a scene.

  • Different activities have different risk level. What this means is caning has one level of risk, caning needles, another. A violent wand is a great thing, but combining that with a piercing can cause risks that you may not have taken into account.
  • Different physical issues carry different risks. A young, flexible, nubile toy does not have the same risk level as a BBW, 63 year old slave. Both can be played with, but don’t make the old slave crawl along the floor, because you may need to pick her back up.
  • Different mental issues cause bad risks. If you don’t know everything about your sub, how can you know that putting a gag in her mouth will cause her to freak out. (Yes, this has happened to me, but that is another tale.) Be careful, take the time to get to know your partners as fully as possible, and take responsibility when the bad things occur.
  • Different play styles carry inherently different risk. Does the person playing start hard without warmup? Iron butt syndrome? Or perhaps they prefer to use a more gentle touch. The hard core player who changes it up with his partner without warning, is likely to cause some mental distress. A gentle player who suddenly wacks his sub hard, may end up causing physical and mental trauma. Watch what you are doing, and be ready to handle the fallout. And if you see a player playing differently than you are comfortable with, don’t let that be the sole factor in deciding that the scene is “bad”.

So, I want you to keep these issues in mind when watching or planning out the evenings events. Do you have the experience to judge if an activity is unsafe? Or are you having an issue because it makes you afraid? Squick you?


A Different Kind of Collarme Spam

28 07 2008

I have said before that I have a profile on Collarme. Frankly, I never received a lot email there, but I like looking at the profiles and the beautiful women there so I keep coming back. So I was pleasantly surprised when I received an email from a Domme that I saw was near my girl.  I initially thought, nice someone writing me to play with my girl. Frankly, I am ok with my girl playing with other women (and to some extent men) since she is so far away from me.  Helps to scratch an itch of hers.  And a happy slave means a happy Master.

I opened the letter and was amused when I found this:

It’s quite amusing that your “girls” must be height/weight proportionate, but it’s OK that you are OBESE (approximately 100 pounds overweight).   You may want to take a moment to reflect on that….LOL

Well, once I stopped laughing I knew that given my personality, I could not let it rest.  I know that I am a large man, and frankly overweight, but if I am dishonest in what I want I can never be happy. Neither could anyone that served me.

I wrote:

Yeah, I have. I am ok with me. I guess you are not ok with you since you feel compelled to impose your opinions upon me, unasked.

Have a nice day.

I do have to thank her though.  I got a nice laugh (ask esclave) and I got a good post for my blog. I do feel sorry for those that have to deal with her in her day to day life.  Someone with that kind of attitude cannot be happy at heart.

Be happy with who you are, be comfortable with what you want, and don’t be concerned with making everyone else happy.


Oh, here is my profile if your interested.

How to Spot a CollarMe Scammer

14 07 2008

So I get back from visiting my girl, and I check my email this morning and I spot this gem in it.  I am sharing this with you so we can look for clues to spot an Collarme scam. (Just so you know, I really like CollarMe and I go there every day,  but I do see a lot of scammers there so consider this my being a good citizen part).

User Name:












Last Online:


Submissive Female



1334 miles

Willing to Relocate


170 lbs



African American



Lives For:

Bar Hopping (Expert)


SCA (Expert)

Travel (Expert)


Art Galleries (Expert)

Beachcombing (Expert)

Opera (Expert)

Shopping (Expert)


Garage Sales (Expert)

Curious About:

Fine Dining (Beginner)

The first thing I look at is the height and weight. Many of the scammers are used to the metric system, and the numbers are often way off.  someone weighing 50lbs and standing at 5’6″ is way too thin for even my tastes.

But things look good so far. So lets look at the contents of the actual message.

Hello Dear,
How are you today ?,My name is Kamah ,I’m 5.7 fight,fair in completion ,i saw your profile today and after going true of it i was moved by the quality of human i found in your profile,and i became instant interested in knowing you the more,but i will like you to no that distance ,age or color dose not matter but what maters is love and understanding and being honest to each other. i will like you contact me true my direct mailing address so that i will give you my picture and tell you more about me.( )i have SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT to tell you.Good to hear from you,
Yours dream love.

Wow, where do I start. crazy punctuation, “5.7 fight”; “going true of it”, “does”, “honest to each other”,  and finally, she wants me to contact me through her email for a first contact.  Use your common sense, if it doesn’t look right, move on.  It is likely a scam.


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