To me trust is like seeing a flower bloom. Little by little the flower blooms. The tight flower releases becoming softer and softer. You open yourself up and let down your guard. No protective coverings, soft and yielding.
In some ways you connect and intertwine yourself with someone else. It is not something that most people give lightly. Deep trust in M/s relationships is a must. Both parties have to be willing to let go and bloom.
Trust is not lost all at once it happens in stages, it is like a death.
“If we fall, we don’t need self-recrimination or blame or anger – we need a reawakening of our intention and a willingness to recommit, to be whole-hearted once again.”
~Sharon Salzberg, O Magazine, The Power of Intention, January 2004
Once the decision is made to rebuild trust in someone, the decision must also made to be open again. It is not an easy thing, basically you are starting over again with different information and reversing the stages of grief.
This is a hard thing and everyone needs to really access themselves to see if it can be done. Sometimes holding onto the hurt of putting themselves out there again makes people want to not bloom with that person anymore.
If you do decide to stay beating yourself up and bringing up the past will not move you forward and will not help the relationship grow or change. Time must be given to heal but healing must be done. Self healing, relationship healing, regaining trust.