So early on in our relationship there were times when Master would ask me to do something or show me how something needs to be done and I took it as a personal afront. I felt as if he was saying to me that I was incapable of making any worthwhile decisions and that I could not do anything on my own.
I had such a knot inside of me that would constantly be added to every time he would tell me something. There are times when I can be very passive aggressive. I wouldn’t say if stuff would bother me, I would get snippy and expect him to read my mind.
So when he would ask me if everything was okay I would say, yes, and then get upset when he wouldn’t do what i thought he should do and probe further. Make me answer him. Make me tell him the truth about my feelings.
Yes, looking at it now I can see how unproductive for our relationship and how unfair it was to him. A power exchange relationship such as what we have takes both of us.
So after make myself upset to the point where I was thinking seriously of leaving I had to sit myself down and get a grip. Communication is everything. I realized it wasn’t his telling me something it was my fear of being seen as incompetent. It seems that I have been always trying to prove that I can do stuff.
I have learned that I don’t have to prove anything to Sir. He doesn’t see me as less than. He chose me because of who I am not in spite of it.
The best thing that has happened to me within this relationship is the amount of time I have had to get to know me.