You want me to do what?!?

25 10 2010

So early on in our relationship there were times when Master would ask me to do something or show me how something needs to be done and I took it as a personal afront.  I felt as if he was saying to me that I was incapable of making any worthwhile decisions and that I could not do anything on my own.

I had such a  knot inside of me that would constantly be added to every time he would tell me something.  There are times when I can be very passive aggressive.  I wouldn’t say if stuff would bother me, I would get snippy and expect him to read my mind.

So when he would ask me if everything was okay I would say, yes, and then get upset when he wouldn’t do what i thought he should do and probe further.  Make me answer him.  Make me tell him the truth about my feelings.

Yes, looking at it now I can see how unproductive for our relationship and how unfair it was to him.  A power exchange relationship such as what we have takes both of us.

So after make myself upset to the point where I was thinking seriously of leaving I had to sit myself down and get a grip.  Communication is everything.  I realized it wasn’t his telling me something it was my fear of being seen as incompetent.  It seems that I have been always trying to prove that I can do stuff.

I have learned that I don’t have to prove anything to Sir.   He doesn’t see me as less than.  He chose me because of who I am not in spite of it.

The best thing that has happened to me within this relationship is the amount of time I have had to get to know me.

MV’s esclave

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