My post tonight will be a short one.
Something I have come to realize in relationships is that when things start to go bad people start to look at how much each has contributed to the relationship. We start to become consumed with the percentages we give in relation to the other party.
We start making lists of things that we do and they don’t do. The percentage of promises kept that we keep that they don’t keep. We start looking at how much more we give to the relationship than the other person. How many times we tried to talk and had to say the same thing over and over due to he or she not listening. How much more we sacrifice, change, give up than the other person?
For me love is as it says in 1 Corinthians 13: 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
For me this means that love does not keep bringing up the things that the other person has done to the point that it is used as a weapon and a hindrance. When you start to keep a record of things that the other person has done wrong you are putting your energies into helping you end the relationship.
This relationship has taught me many things both good and bad about myself. When things are going bad with us I start going over in my head how I serve better than he Master’s. How I have given up more than he has given up. How I have adjusted more than he has had to adjust. Whatever the case may be. I realized that for myself if I am truly operating from a point of not leaving this relationship then I need to not do that anymore.
I can’t hold onto these “records of wrongs” and leave room for my heart to continue to be open. These wrongs (perceived or otherwise) close my heart and makes me incapable of seeing when things do change. I fail to see these changes because holding on to these things makes me doubtful and causes me to be afraid to be open again.
“If you don’t accept responsibility for your own actions, then you are forever chained to a position of defense.”
Holly Lisle, Fire In The Mist, 1992
This is just my revelation and everyone has to make the decision for themselves what is and is not good for their relationship. I am all about accepting personal responsibility and for me despite my Master or what’s happening in our relationship this is my personal responsibility to ensure that I am giving me to this relationship. That is my vow to him.