Negotiations: Are You Doing It Wrong?

13 11 2015

I was reading the other day about a very well known professional submissive who had a bad scene. While she was tied up, on stage, the person she was with refused to stop when she said to stop.  He was wanting her to say, “red”. It is sad to see such a fuck up. I blame the dom/top for the scene, but it is a good reminder that we need to take responsibility for our actions and the safety in the scene.  I don’t fetishize safety the way Jay Wiseman does, but he does make some good points. I believe I can simplify it a bit and still be useful.

I’m taking this as wrote that who is involved and where and when are covered, but if you don’t know for sure, don’t assume that a 3rd party won’t join in.  I would cover these topics while discussing the scene with the bottom partner. Not all do so explicitly so make sure they are covered, particularly if you are with a new partner you are considering playing with.

The aspects I would say I would focus on are the following in no particular order:

Stopping conditions:  What will cause you to stop? Safe word? A simple no? Medical condition? Bleeding?  Anything you can think of to end the scene.

After Condition: After care, who does it, is it needed? How much is typical? How long is typical? Is a follow up call after a few days appropriate/needed? Not everyone is the same, and if the bottom is new, you will have to play it by ear.

Sex/Intimacy: How much clothing is removed? What parts of the body is ok to touch? Be touched? Is digital penetration (fingering, jerking off) ok? Sex? Blow Jobs?

Limitations: I don’t typically negotiate what I am doing in a sceen because I don’t usually have a clue what I want to do, but I do know what the person isn’t ok with. No Canes? No whips? No blood?  Those are part of this.  Also, medical issues the person has. STDs, I would part of this. Can they be suspended safely? Anything that can be hinderance to the scene is here.

Anything else: Talk to each other, find out what they want from the scene. What you can offer in the scene. This goes for the Top and the bottom.

Good luck and have fun,


Cam Girls Need Resumes?

11 11 2015

I don’t watch cam girls, but I love reading about them. I found a great article on Medium written by a cam girl about how hard it is to make a different living. It takes hard work, dedication to the job and a love of the work.  Check it out.



Great Article on Condom Fitting

9 11 2015

Many people believe that one size fits all when it comes to condoms. That so isn’t true. I wasn’t bothered by it, but my slave noticed the the condoms I bought were too tight. We bought some new ones that were bigger, but I do wish I had ran across this sizeing chart article (free membership required) before then (though it hadnt been written). Read, learn, enjoy.


New Picture of a Previously Unseen Penis Structure.

27 07 2015

Weird, just weird.  Apparently we have known about this structure for some time, but never seen it. I don’t normally like link linking to Gizmodo, but they have the story.


Study: Losers More Likely to Harass Women

23 07 2015

This follows under Duh, and yes this is of more general interest than strictly BDSM or M/s, but I like to think I run a sex positive blog. Ars Technica reports that researchers discovered that women received harsher comments than men, not surprising and that people who tended to be the worst harassers were men who had the worst playing record.

Sad, but not surprising.


Sexual Fetish Researchers Categorize Fetish Popularity

21 07 2015

Interesting study I ran across in the Guardian, where researchers downloaded discussions from fetish discussion groups, then spent 3 years analyzing them. Some crazy stuff there, but nothing really unexpected. Feet top the list, with body sizes next. Least favorite body fetish? Body odor. I didn’t know there was a fetish for that even

Oddest fetish? 2 were into pacemakers.

Check it out


Bluetooth Clit Stimulation Implant (WTF?!?)

3 04 2015

Just a short thing for Friday, here is a bluetooth implant used to stimulate your clit.  Pretty expensive and apparently uses body heat for charging the device.

Might even be more fun if they made an app that remote controls it over the internet, eh? It is a neat body mod, if you are into controlling your slave like that.



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