Black BEAT 2014 Was Off the Chain This Year

18 08 2014

BlackOut2014Ok, I may be biased, but this is one of the best Black BEATS in recent years.  I have heard so much from the participants about how they enjoyed it.  There were so many new faces too.  More than any conference I can remember (excepting the first one). It had energy too.  And the after parties rocked (let’s not get into the male stripper for the ladies, I hear they had a lot of fun in that after party too). The DJ in the dungeon rocked.  What other event does that?  I’m sure there are some, but this one was awesome.  I hope that one day you guys have a chance to get to an event that is half this good.

Now I will admit my biases. I love this conference. I started on the first one. and have only missed a couple of them.  I have been the Head of Security for 4 years, and was on the Core Member board this year. I also was able to present on two topics this year. My Electrical Play Demo class, and a less formal Cane & Crops lounge.  I got a lot of positive feed back from the attendees which I really appreciate.

Did you attend Black BEAT, in years past or this year? Let me and the other readers know about your experiences in the comments.

A Research Call

23 06 2014

I got an interesting message the other day from a young lady asking for her with her research. I thought it was a subject that needed more exposure, so I offered her to ask for help for her.  So take a look below and see if you would like to help. POC ResearchPOC Research (2)

Walk Away

26 01 2014

Negotiations are important in our Lifestyle. Even in a M/s relationship, at some point in the relationship you start talking about what is involved. That is negotiation. Finding out what you want, what you need in a relationship. And you have to find out what the other person is offering. Are they compatible? Will they get you where you want to go? Be who you need to be?

If they don’t, walk away. This is mainly for the D-types. Leave. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Do not manipulate the s-type. Do not try to convince then you can do what they want, if that isn’t what you want. That isn’t owning your shit. That isn’t your role as a Dominant. That isn’t being true to your purpose.That isn’t who you are. You are being dishonest to the s. You are lying to them, to you.  A real dominant owns their desires. Owns their needs. Doesn’t subvert it just to get some pussy. To get laid. This Lifestyle is about more than sex. Sure sex is great, but it isn’t everything.  You can find sex in a lot of places, with out deceit, lying, conning. Be honest. Be a dominant.

Don’t be a Dumbinant.


Negotiating and Slavery and Surrender

18 01 2014


“If M/s is a power exchange, an exchange being “the act of giving or taking one thing in return for another” What power did any of the master’s transfer to their slaves?

If the answer is none- then there is no exchange of power.

If there was a transfer of power, a negotiated act, we no longer have m/s we have d/s.”


I have been thinking about the above question for a while now.

The Master is giving his power (control, decision making, etc.) to the slave in exchange for her power (control, decision making, etc).

It’s really not complicated.

For me the power is me giving up my power to make certain decisions, do certain acts, and to become a certain way at his directive.

This is in exchange for his power to me of control, live by his rule, and live a certain way under his direction.

Whether there is more or less negotiation in M/s or D/s is up to the individuals or parties involved.  The level of negotiations are irrelevant.


Is slavery a negotiable act? If yes, how does one negotiate surrender?


Since each individual has free will and we are living in a time when real slavery is outlawed and prosecuted in America, the choice we make to be enslaved to someone is therefore something that is negotiated.  How those negotiations look and what is negotiated is between the people or parties involved.

With my choice of being consciously enslaved to Master comes the giving up of further negotiations on how to act, speak, and to accept the choices made by the Master for the slave.  Again this is individualized for each relationship pertaining to what is and is not negotiated.


Truthfully this lifestyle we live is all about negotiations and what we choose to live under.  It boggles my mind sometimes why we choose to complicate it with issues of who is more real than the other.  Your kink is not my kink and that is okay and until M/s becomes a legally allowed concept with legislation and everything we need to remember YKINMK and move on.


ex·change  (ks-chnj)

v. ex·changedex·chang·ingex·chang·es

1. To give in return for something received; trade: exchange dollars for francs; exchanging labor for room and board.
2. To give and receive reciprocally; interchange: exchange gifts; exchange ideas.
3. To give up for a substitute: exchange a position in the private sector for a post in government.
4. To turn in for replacement: exchange defective merchandise at a store.

1. To give something in return for something received; make an exchange.
2. To be received in exchange: At that time the British pound exchanged for $2.80.

  pow·er  (pour)


1. The ability or capacity to perform or act effectively.
2. A specific capacity, faculty, or aptitude. Often used in the plural: her powers of concentration.
3. Strength or force exerted or capable of being exerted; might. See Synonyms at strength.
4. The ability or official capacity to exercise control; authority.
5. A person, group, or nation having great influence or control over others: the western powers.
6. The might of a nation, political organization, or similar group.
7. Forcefulness; effectiveness: a novel of unusual power.
8. Chiefly Upper Southern U.S. A large number or amount. See Regional Note at powerful.


 Negotiation is a dialogue between two or more people or parties, intended to reach an understanding, resolve point of difference, or gain advantage in outcome of dialogue, to produce an agreement upon courses of action, to bargain for individual or collective advantage, to craft outcomes to satisfy various interests of two people/parties involved in negotiation process. Negotiation is a process where each party involved in negotiating tries to gain an advantage for themselves by the end of the process. Negotiation is intended to aim at compromise.

Negotiation occurs in business, non-profit organizations, government branches, legal proceedings, among nations and in personal situations such as marriage, divorce, parenting, and everyday life. The study of the subject is called negotiation theory. Professional negotiators are often specialized, such as union negotiatorsleverage buyout negotiatorspeace negotiatorshostage negotiators, or may work under other titles, such as diplomatslegislators or brokers.


[sə rendər]


To surrender is defined as to give up control of something or to give something up to another.

Variant of conscious


  1. having a feeling or knowledge (of one’s own sensations, feelings, etc. or of external things); knowing or feeling (that something is or was happening or existing); aware; cognizant
  2. able to feel and think; in the normal waking state
  3. aware of oneself as a thinking being; knowing what one is doing and why
  4. self-conscious
  5. accompanied by an awareness of what one is thinking, feeling, and doing; intentional: conscious humor
  6. known to or felt by oneself: conscious guilt

2013 in review

10 01 2014

The stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 53,000 times in 2013. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 20 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Black BEAT 2014: A Call for Presenters

18 11 2013


Black BEAT 2014

August 14-17- Maryland

A Call for Presenters

A. Black BEAT’s educational program provides opportunities for learning through watching, listening, practicing and sharing our knowledge and experience! We are currently seeking a limited number of presenters for

·Beginner, intermediate and advanced topics (i.e., extreme edge play, spiritual classes and everything in between).

·Hands on and interactive classes (i.e., flogging, knife play, bondage are also of special interest, although we are open to all topics submitted).

B. BB’s goal is always to provide educational variety that is beneficial to our community.We want something for every style of learner and are looking for Presenters to make this year’s program the most varied ever!

C. To submit your proposal:

1. Prepare a bio of no longer than 1 page consisting of some background about you as a member of the community, your vanilla and lifestyle interests, any awards or previous presentation opportunities, and any additional information you think may draw people to your class.

2. Send a photo of your representation. We understand that for some may not want their face published on the internet. Provide a picture or a picture/avatar that we can use for you.

3. Prepare summaries of no more than 1 page each for a maximum of 3 classes. This is your chance to show off what you know. What can they expect from your class? Who should attend your class? Why should they attend? How long have you been doing this class? Where else have you presented it? Be sure to include if you require a volunteer to assist you or any audio/visual support. Please be prepared to teach ALL of the classes you submit. If you submit 3, you may be asked to present 3.

4. Presenters will be chosen based on a combination of the completeness of the proposal, classes offered, experience of the presenter, and support requirements.

D. Please submit your application by December 8, 2013. Those accepted to present will be notified by December 20, 2013.

Please Apply Here:

FetLife’s Dirty Little Secret

28 10 2013

FetLife has a secret. There are things it has not been telling you. There are things FetLife doesn’t want you to know about. Things FetLife has been strangely silent on. There are things there (some of which are allowed still by FetLife’s terms of use) that you cannot find.  When you search for these words, you won’t find Groups, Fetishes or even Users who have these words in their names or profile.  Some of these terms are understandable, some are not.

Strangely, even though there have been several posts on the FetLife tech support group about this, there has been no official response from FetLife or John Baku. We know this is deliberate, and not some sort of bug, because at one point you could search the terms using quote marks and then all of a sudden you couldn’t. We know these aren’t necessarily banned terms, because if you can find a user with them in their profile and click on them you can find them. And Hypnotism isn’t banned and returns results that include the banned terms.

Below is a list of terms compiled by a FetLife user named Snakeman. He did a lot of work (which I have’t done the research to verify, but you should be able to find out for yourself by clicking on the links.

Frankly some of this disturbs me deeply. FetLife used to be a safe place for kinksers to meet and discuss taboo topics.  I still think it is the best place to connect with other members of my community, but it seems it is no longer a place to discuss taboos.  I will be emailing John Baku for his official statement and to why there has been no official word as to why this has been kept quiet.


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