How Not to Negotiate – “I desire to be your slave”

26 07 2010

So when I started in this lifestyle I knew nothing about labels all I knew was that I desired to be with someone that I can give over everything too.  I often say that I have no middle ground it is either all or nothing with me.  So, hey, I found these people with men who wanted from me what I wanted to give.  I learned my life lessons enough to know how to choose a man and the types to stay away from.  So this is not about that.  Maybe I’ll write a mini post about trusting your own life lessons.   Back to the subject.

So my wanting to serve was such a beautiful image.  In my mind I would be serving my Master, cooking and doing all of the easy stuff and then I would get rewarded for all of my efforts.  I would get to kneel at his feet and he would stroke my hair and I would sigh and everything would be the way it was supposed.  (This is where the loud screeching of a car coming to an abrupt halt gets played).  Yeah, so the first time I went to Master’s house ummmm let’s just say that fantasy did not meet reality.   Let me add that this was during the consideration stage for both of us.  So my having this chance in the beginning to serve him was, for me, a chance to see if I was what he needed and if this was what I needed.

So the first time I served him was not like how I imagined it would be.  There were dirty dishes and dirty clothes and dirty bathrooms and stuff…lol  And yeah, it was like, well you want to serve well serve…LOL  You want to be my slave well this is what I need.  What in the world happened to my fantasy?

So I shrug it off and and say to myself maybe if I do all of this stuff for him then maybe I’ll get some of my fantasy.  I mean he’ll be all appreciative and stuff and then the fun for me can begin.  Ummm yeah, that didn’t happen either.  What actually happened was that I ran myself ragged trying to be wonder cleaner and got myself so upset trying to make my fantasy work that I ended up crying in the kitchen.

Master came downstairs and said, “girl what’s wrong”?  I blurted it all out and he said to me but what did I tell you to do.   He had only asked me to straighten the kitchen (meaning wipe the table and load the dishwasher) and fix breakfast.  Well I straightened the kitchen (meaning I deep cleaned it on my hands and knees and cleaned out the fridge and stove and cabinets and still didn’t fix breakfast).  He said, what did I ask you to do and why didn’t you do what I asked you to do?  While still sniffling into his shirt I said but I have to have stuff a certain way before I could do other stuff and all of this other stuff needed to be done.   He looked at me and said here is your first lesson in being my slave, if I tell you to do something that is what I want you to do.  Nothing else but what I told you to do.

I would love to say that that was the only time he had to teach me that lesson but it wasn’t.  I can say that that first lesson was much appreciated because that lesson along with all of the others helped me take my relationship with Master from fantasy to reality.  It is this reality that is much better than any fantasy slave I had imagined.  We are in a relationship and a very realistic one.

My words of learning:  If a relationship is what you want you have to keep going past the fantasy in your head.  My fantasy was very limiting and not that far from the “50/50” type thinking.  I do this for you, you do this for me.  My relationship with Master now is much more than that thanks to that first lesson.  We both give 100% of ourselves to be committed to this relationship.

Please feel free to share your comments, questions, impressions.

MV’s esclave





Electrical Play Basics: TENS Unit

21 07 2010

Tens UnitI believe that the best way to begin with electrical play is the TENS unit. (TENS means Transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation.) A Tens unit is a box you use to generate an electrical pulse which is used in medicine for pain control.

We don’t use it for that.

Instead, we use it to stimulate the muscles and skin of our partners. The frequency of the pulses and the intensity can be adjusted from so that you can go to very pleasurable to quite intense. It is perhaps the easiest and safest, while allowing for a wide range of sensations. You can even find attachments that will allow you to provide some unique sensations.

Before you begin electrical play, keep in mind that this is advance play, even with a toy like this.  Get help from your local community. Never use it on the head, and be very careful to not use it near the hear (particularly if you use it across the heart).  I would urge you to buy and read Juice first before you do anything electrical, or find a mentor to teach you hands on.

Good luck and have fun.

MV





How Not to Negotiate – I am Poly

19 07 2010

So in this post I am going to try and tackle polyarmory.  This will be how my perspective has changed from my beginning to now.

So poly for me in this lifestyle took sometime for me to understand exactly what poly was.  I had no problem with it as I thought “wow this is great, I get to have my cake and eat it too” so to speak….lol  My view of poly was of a circle.  Three (or more) of us together, loving, sharing, caring, sex etc. with each other.  I figured that would be perfect I could get to be in love with Master and with another woman and vice versa sort of like a family. Widely held definition for Polyamory = Poly (many), amor (love) = Many loves.

I found out that my idea of the structure of poly relationships was not the only structure possible.  This was a definite shock to me and something that took me several months to adjust to.  While I was thinking that poly would be what is called a triad.  (TRIAD: 1. A polyamorous relationship composed of three people. 2. A union or group of three. Usage: In the sense of Def. 1, generally, the word triad is most often applied to a relationship in which each of the three people is sexually and emotionally involved with all the other members of the triad, as may be the case in a triad consisting of one man and two bisexual women or one woman and two bisexual men; however, it is sometimes also applied to vee relationships.)

The relationship structure would actually be what is known as a “vee”.  (VEE: Colloquial polyamorous relationship involving three people, in which one person is romantically or sexually involved with two partners who are not romantically or sexually involved with each other. See also triadpivot; See related quadN.)

Big difference between the two structures.  I have to admit I felt in the vee structure that I would be left out.  At that time my view on loving relationships were between two people only in the relationship.   I couldn’t understand why two people in a relationship could not be enough for the other.  This also played into my fears of abandonment as my previous relationships were unintentionally poly, meaning my other was a cheater.  So I saw the Vee type poly in a very negative way.  Still this did not turn me off of being in a poly relationship.  I just needed to educate myself a bit more and it gave Master and I something else to consider before we became a M/s couple.  It also helped me to identify another issue that I needed to work through.  I have to say confronting this issue made my commitment to Master that much stronger.  It was his way of talking to me, his consistency and reassurance and his helping me with my past issues that helped me see that being in a relationship with him is different than my other non-consensual poly relationships.

The definitions above came from this site:  Xeormag/Polyamorous Glossary.  I encourage you to take a look at this site for additional definitions on different poly structures.

My words of wisdom:  Know your terms and make sure you understand what they mean.  Something like this can damage a relationship.

Anything you would like to add or comment on please feel free to share.

Thanks.

MV’s esclave





Some People Should Not Pole-Dance: A Public Service Message

16 07 2010



MV





Journals and Journaling; My Take On It

14 07 2010

At some point, I think that most slaves/submissives are encouraged to keep a journal. Sometimes it is required by their Owner, who may read it from time to time. Others do it to process their journey; perhaps even as a way to document the changes their lives are undergoing. But, do you ever wonder why they work?

I am a fan of David Allen and his Getting Things Done method. In it, he recommends writing down everything that you have to do, in order to get it out of your mind. Otherwise, these tasks burden your mind, weigh you down, make you dread things.  The key it to make your “list” and process them regularly.

I think journaling does the same thing. It allows the slave to get the things out of her mind that bother her.  Allows her to process her thoughts, make them concrete by writing things down. It also helps her (or him) remember things down that may be forgotten.  I know one slave who keeps 2 journals; a normal one and a bad one where all the bad thoughts go.

Anyway you do it, I encourage you to maintain a journal. Sometimes taking pen in hand and slowing down long enough to write an entry is just the right way to finish up the day.

MV





How NOT to negotiate – “I need to be Hurt”

13 07 2010

A tongue in cheek perspective of my learnings as a slave in this style of my life.

So here is my first post in my new blog spot.  They will not be in any sort of order just random things that I have learned in my journey of being a slave to Master Void and stepping into this lifestyle.  Some posts will be longer than others,  due to my inability sometimes to understand stuff quickly (yeah, sometimes I do need a brick wall to fall on me before I actually get it, or more like…”let’s touch that to see it will burn”?

When I first became aware of the stuff that was available in this lifestyle and that there are people who like what I like and actually want/need the things that I did, I felt like a kid in a candy store.  Eyes wide open willing to take everything all at once.

One of the things I remember saying is that I want someone to hurt me.  At that time what I meant by hurt me was something totally different from what I could have experienced. In my mind I wanted to be sexually excited and then hurt in the stimulating ways I might find exciting.  What was probably heard was that I wanted them to hurt me in anyway they choose.   There are so many different ways to be hurt that leaving it open with a general statement of “hurt me” left me open to be hurt in any and every way.

I got lucky and was able to meet people who made me take a moment and slow down and took the time to actually talk to me and not take advantage of my innocence…that was saved for when I knew a bit more…LOL  Luckily I have found there are more people in this lifestyle willing to help and not take advantage of a new person but as in everything there are exceptions.

Different ways that can cause hurt:

Pressure points

Pinching

Biting

Hard Flogging

Canes

Textures (Funny as this may sound I found out that using rabbit fur on my skin can cause me great discomfort.  Man, I hate that soft touching stuff…grrrr)

Whipping

Needles

Spanking (with hands or instruments)

Squeezing an arm, leg, hand

Instruments for Electrical play (HATE them)

These are but a few things that can cause hurt physically.

Also, a phrase I learned after being with Master was consensual/non consent.  While you might be thinking wow that hurts ways more than I want and you are saying stop, no more some people can take that to me please continue.  There are people who play along the edges and continue even after someone has said no.  In a trust filled relationship this can be an exciting part of play.  I absolutely love it when Master hurts me even though I don’t like the way he hurts me. ( Electrical play bad).  The exciting part for me is 1. it pleases him to hurt me, 2. it totally excites me when he’s please.  But again this is in a relationship built upon trust for both of us.

No might mean no to you but to the other person that could be the continued green light to not stop

This link gives a simple description for consensual/non-consent

My words of learning:  Be specific with your words and with what you actually want.  Stepping out and trying anything/everything with someone a random person (even if they are well known in the community) can be detrimental to you and the person you choose to play with.  Miscommunication about desires can make scening unbearable for you and for the Top.  In the example of consensual/non consent if it is later found out that you really didn’t want what was happening there could be legal ramifications.

This lifestyle has so much to offer and being wise and taking responsibility for self learning will make it that much enjoyable for you.

Questions, comments please feel free to share.

MV’s esclave








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