So when I started in this lifestyle I knew nothing about labels all I knew was that I desired to be with someone that I can give over everything too. I often say that I have no middle ground it is either all or nothing with me. So, hey, I found these people with men who wanted from me what I wanted to give. I learned my life lessons enough to know how to choose a man and the types to stay away from. So this is not about that. Maybe I’ll write a mini post about trusting your own life lessons. Back to the subject.
So my wanting to serve was such a beautiful image. In my mind I would be serving my Master, cooking and doing all of the easy stuff and then I would get rewarded for all of my efforts. I would get to kneel at his feet and he would stroke my hair and I would sigh and everything would be the way it was supposed. (This is where the loud screeching of a car coming to an abrupt halt gets played). Yeah, so the first time I went to Master’s house ummmm let’s just say that fantasy did not meet reality. Let me add that this was during the consideration stage for both of us. So my having this chance in the beginning to serve him was, for me, a chance to see if I was what he needed and if this was what I needed.
So the first time I served him was not like how I imagined it would be. There were dirty dishes and dirty clothes and dirty bathrooms and stuff…lol And yeah, it was like, well you want to serve well serve…LOL You want to be my slave well this is what I need. What in the world happened to my fantasy?
So I shrug it off and and say to myself maybe if I do all of this stuff for him then maybe I’ll get some of my fantasy. I mean he’ll be all appreciative and stuff and then the fun for me can begin. Ummm yeah, that didn’t happen either. What actually happened was that I ran myself ragged trying to be wonder cleaner and got myself so upset trying to make my fantasy work that I ended up crying in the kitchen.
Master came downstairs and said, “girl what’s wrong”? I blurted it all out and he said to me but what did I tell you to do. He had only asked me to straighten the kitchen (meaning wipe the table and load the dishwasher) and fix breakfast. Well I straightened the kitchen (meaning I deep cleaned it on my hands and knees and cleaned out the fridge and stove and cabinets and still didn’t fix breakfast). He said, what did I ask you to do and why didn’t you do what I asked you to do? While still sniffling into his shirt I said but I have to have stuff a certain way before I could do other stuff and all of this other stuff needed to be done. He looked at me and said here is your first lesson in being my slave, if I tell you to do something that is what I want you to do. Nothing else but what I told you to do.
I would love to say that that was the only time he had to teach me that lesson but it wasn’t. I can say that that first lesson was much appreciated because that lesson along with all of the others helped me take my relationship with Master from fantasy to reality. It is this reality that is much better than any fantasy slave I had imagined. We are in a relationship and a very realistic one.
My words of learning: If a relationship is what you want you have to keep going past the fantasy in your head. My fantasy was very limiting and not that far from the “50/50” type thinking. I do this for you, you do this for me. My relationship with Master now is much more than that thanks to that first lesson. We both give 100% of ourselves to be committed to this relationship.
Please feel free to share your comments, questions, impressions.
One thought on “How Not to Negotiate – “I desire to be your slave””
Appropriate or note, I’m going to V-hug you (ahem, virtual hug), ‘cus I would have done the same damned thing with the same damned results. And second, I’m going to give you my address, although, I’ll help, I’m just hating cleaning my whole house alone lately 😉
My mom loves to say not to live in expectation because you’ll only get disappointment. But it’s very very hard. Exponentially hard when part of the expectation is bound to another person’s behaviors, and like we can control that (J~ don’t you dare split hairs here, you know what I mean).
I’m having my own bout of expectations vs. reality. Or rather, fantasy vs. reality. Far smaller scale- went out last night for a friends birthday, I was SOOO excited, I wanted to go out, have a few drinks, loosen up, flirt, and dance the night away. I had a few drinks (slightly too many, but no hangover); and no dancing, and no flirting 😛 I felt too tall, too big, the music wasn’t right, my clothes weren’t right. Just one of those dumb evenings you can’t get your head out of.
So anyway, yes, it’s on a completely different scale, but expectations are Murphy’s best friend.
(You cleaned the ENTIRE KITCHEN!?) O.o damn, woman. . . 😀