A while back, I decided to give Fetlife a try. For those of you unfamiliar with it, it is a site for those of us interested in BDSM. Kind of a BDSM friendly MySpace or FaceBook. Initially, I was underwhelmed. It was slow, there wasn’t much of a community. I was disappointed. But I kept my eye on it.
I can report now that I really do enjoy it. I am there at least once ever day now. The groups are fantastic (at least the ones I have joined). The community has grown tremendously. For a second opinion I recomend you look here. I found the link and her background about Fetlife interesting. She even wrote an article about it for the Montreal Mirror (FetLife is based in Canada).
I think the following explains FetLife the best.
Baku’s philosophy is disarmingly simple. “My mantra is, do what’s best for the women. If you do that, the men will come.” With this in mind, he refuses to add a refined search feature, so men cannot seek out women within specific parameters in order to cruise them.
“It’s not a dating site, it’s an anti-dating site,” he deadpans. “If you do meet somebody through FetLife, it’s because you had good conversations in a group and hit it off. Any other way is purely about sex.”
It may seem counter-intuitive to create a site for kinky people that’s actually not about hooking them up to have kinky sex. But, says Baku, it works: “Because of this, we have an unconventionally large number of women on the site. The majority of dating sites have under five to 10 per cent women, but we have a ratio of almost 50-50. Or let’s say 40-50, when I put in the genderqueer, male-to-female and female-to-male people.”
Check it out. I am MasterVoid there too.
MV
The House of Void 
Ya know, I kinda liked it, too- until JohnBaku mass-banned a whole slew of people with no warnings, nor indications of what, if anything they’d done wrong. Several were clearly banned for guilt by association- they’d posted little or not at all, but appeared on the friends list of people that had gotten on the wrong side of the ‘old guard’ clique. Extremely unprofessional, unethical and just plain tacky.
Yeah, I did write my review a day before it happened. I have been hearing a lot of negatives about that. I suspect that it will blow over, usually that sort of thing does. Not sure what I can say about it otherwise though.
I am going to watch and see. Not familiar personally with any who got banned, so I can’t say for sure one way or another. (at least I do not think I know anyone who got banned).j
MV
Agree mastervoid. Time will tell.
I know two people who were banned (partners as it happens) and I have my opinion on it (don’t we all>). John has always had the good of the site and users in mind and very much doubt that has changed. As to his ability to weather this and manage the transition of the site from a friendly meeting place to something more (whatever more is) remains to be seen. Here is hoping as I have very much enjoyed fetlife to date and hope to in the future.
mt
You can always try http://www.bdsm-life.com we have genuine members and no inflated membership figures and are more facebook in style, with space for pictures, audio/video chat and lots more. There is always room for more than one site in your list and we never ban for no reason.
Try KinkySpace.com for a free social network that is extremely user friendly, fetish friendly, and growing very quickly – I LOVE this site!
I am a FetLife slut! I cannot get enough of FetLife!
I had used Alt.com, Adult Friendfinders.com when they were related and free. They then went to asking for pay when they had enough listings. They eventually became a bloated mess.
Fetlife.com was a refressing site. I communicate with many Women. One thing of advice I should not give but will— Men –you have no idea how comical those penis photos are to most of the Women! Fetlife is the Way!!
I had used Alt.com, Adult Friendfinders.com when they were related and free. They then went to asking for pay when they had enough listings. They eventually became a bloated mess.
Fetlife.com was a refressing site. I communicate with many Women. One thing of advice I should not give but will— Men –you have no idea how comical those penis photos are to most of the Women! Fetlife is the Way!!
I have been a member of fetlife for a few months now and i find myself engrossed in the happenings of my new friends. I get online or chat with a fetlife friend ATLEAST once a day. Before fetlife I felt alone in my desires and was having a hard time expressing the way I felt and the things I enjoyed with my partners over the years. Since speaking with like minded individuals I have been able to be more confident and vocal about my likes and dislikes. Which in turn has made my sex life that much more amazing. I have also used this sight for so much research and reached out to other members for advise and support in my new adventures. I must say that I am very greatful for this site but also wish it had more. A way to categorize my photos and writings perhaps, maybe a way to tell which friends are logged in. An area to chat would also be amazing. Just a few things that I wish were more “facbook” friendly. I do however realize that this is not one of those sites and it doesn’t have nearly the fan base and will grow in time. I would like to thank all the amazing people who make fetlife a possibility. Keep up the good work.
Fetlife is pretty good, imo, but I left about 4 months ago because of the eternal downfall social places: bullies/groups, roving bands of organized jackals who do intentionally seek out targets and once they begin it is merciless and you might as well give it up, no conversation will be had wherein they won’t find you and screw that up for you too. Sad but true.
Fetlife is pretty good, imo, but I left about 4 months ago because of the eternal downfall social places: bullies/groups, roving bands of organized jackals who do intentionally seek out targets and once they begin it is merciless and you might as well give it up, no conversation will be had wherein they won’t find you and screw that up for you too. Sad but true.
Do they always make it very hard to join?
I haven’t found it to be that hard. What’s your problem?
most of the ppl on the website i came upon where rude judgmental and not at all open minded…thumbs don
I was a gay woman on Fetlife and I was harassed for being gay!!! What gives, I mean if they don’t want gay people to join fine by me but they shouldn’t treat you like crap!!! My experience was terrible…:(
Abby,
I am sorry that you found FetLife less than welcoming. I have found just the opposite for myself and my friends. I do know that the caretakers usually take a dim view of people harassing others for their sexual orientation. I hope you at least reached out to them before you left.
I spent a year on Fetlife… and came to realize… it is a Watering Hole of Idiots. A Ship of Fools. A bunch of mental retards.
No, nobody did anything to piss me off, nor did I get disappointed because I didn’t find true love. I simply watched and observed and explored and read…. and after a while of following the friend feed, you realize, these people have some serious mental issues going on or are rather… daft, or just stone cold stupid. They went too far embraciing their fantasies, and crossed some imaginary fence, and like in the movie Avalon… became “unreturned”. Now they can’t seperate reality from the illusion they created in their head.
It was a great concept that served its intended purpose for a time but now its moved on to where nothing but bullies and threats are tolerated if they come from a moderator
I have to say that I haven’t encountered that in my time. Yes, Moderators are fully in charge of their groups. But I have found that there are plenty of groups available for me to join and partake in without it being limiting by the bad crowd. For example, I avoid Fet Life Rants because it makes me a worse person when I do participate.