How Not to Negotiate – “I trust you Completely”

This is something that I have said to Master often and I have heard people say.  I think we say it but don’t truly mean.  So I am going to explore the issue of trusting really in someone.

One of the things that I love about Sir is his impulsiveness.  There have been several times where we would wake up and he would say…let’s just go and off we would go.  No direction just going.

On my last visit we did just that we got up late after a rather ummm energetic start to the day that ended with the bed breaking…LOLOL…and drove 4 hours to Myrtle Beach.  It may seem like a long time but half the fun is the journey and our journeys are always fun.  I remember this one time we got caught in the rain and ended up playing like kids in it.  J

So we drive down to the beach and soon as we got there and I saw the ocean for some reason I was truly afraid of being in the ocean.  This surprised me a lot as I am so connected to the water.  I am a Pisces and always say that I am a mermaid who has lost her way home.  I love how calming and ferocious the ocean can be.  I have a very respectful love of the ocean.  This was not the first time that we went to the beach together.  So why was I afraid?

Master held out his and hand and said girl let’s go in the water.  No ifs ands or buts about it. All I could feel was fear like something bad was going to happen to me as soon as I stepped into that ocean.  Even now I still remember how that fear felt…it was almost paralyzing.   I kept saying “Master I am afraid” I was close to tears.  I grabbed his hand and walked into the ocean.  Every time a wave would come I would get smacked and sputter and I swear I drank half the ocean…lol.  I remember this one wave knocked me down, turned me around and I lost my glasses.   I was a freaking mess seriously.  We stayed in the ocean for 2 hours jumping over the wave, ducking under the waves, me swallowing more water.

All during my fear of the ocean without thinking about it I never seemed to doubt that Master would be right there with me.  Seriously I am amazed that each time I thought the waves would knock me down or I would get pulled under every time my hand reached out Master was right there.  When I fell back he was right there behind me.  Even when I couldn’t see him he was right there next to me.  Looking back on that time He was literally like an island of calm in an ocean of turmoil.  At that moment my vision of him was like a tall tree being battered but not bent.  I felt so safe within his strength it was surreal.  Makes my heart hurt with love just thinking about it.

“There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.” Nelson Mandela, ‘A Long Walk to Freedom’ S. African black civil rights leader (1918 – )

I realized in that moment that the trust that was built in our relationship had changed for me to a point where I can literally trust him with my life and know that he would not take it for granted or be cavalier about it.  I guess I needed to be in that place I thought I could take comfort in in order to see it.   Since forced slavery is illegal in this country it takes time to truly be enslaved to someone.  This for me was another step to truly being his slave.

My lesson of learning:  People have often said to me how could you trust someone enough to give everything over to them, how do you know that they won’t leave you or take advantage of you or turn out to be something different from what they said.  My answer, my trust in him was built over time and with consistency.  Being a slave to my Master took him being there during every crash of the wave for me to let go and see him still standing there holding out his hand and us really getting to know each other…warts and all.

Questions, comments, thoughts…please feel free to share.

MV’s esclave

How Not to Negotiate – “I desire to be your slave”

So when I started in this lifestyle I knew nothing about labels all I knew was that I desired to be with someone that I can give over everything too.  I often say that I have no middle ground it is either all or nothing with me.  So, hey, I found these people with men who wanted from me what I wanted to give.  I learned my life lessons enough to know how to choose a man and the types to stay away from.  So this is not about that.  Maybe I’ll write a mini post about trusting your own life lessons.   Back to the subject.

So my wanting to serve was such a beautiful image.  In my mind I would be serving my Master, cooking and doing all of the easy stuff and then I would get rewarded for all of my efforts.  I would get to kneel at his feet and he would stroke my hair and I would sigh and everything would be the way it was supposed.  (This is where the loud screeching of a car coming to an abrupt halt gets played).  Yeah, so the first time I went to Master’s house ummmm let’s just say that fantasy did not meet reality.   Let me add that this was during the consideration stage for both of us.  So my having this chance in the beginning to serve him was, for me, a chance to see if I was what he needed and if this was what I needed.

So the first time I served him was not like how I imagined it would be.  There were dirty dishes and dirty clothes and dirty bathrooms and stuff…lol  And yeah, it was like, well you want to serve well serve…LOL  You want to be my slave well this is what I need.  What in the world happened to my fantasy?

So I shrug it off and and say to myself maybe if I do all of this stuff for him then maybe I’ll get some of my fantasy.  I mean he’ll be all appreciative and stuff and then the fun for me can begin.  Ummm yeah, that didn’t happen either.  What actually happened was that I ran myself ragged trying to be wonder cleaner and got myself so upset trying to make my fantasy work that I ended up crying in the kitchen.

Master came downstairs and said, “girl what’s wrong”?  I blurted it all out and he said to me but what did I tell you to do.   He had only asked me to straighten the kitchen (meaning wipe the table and load the dishwasher) and fix breakfast.  Well I straightened the kitchen (meaning I deep cleaned it on my hands and knees and cleaned out the fridge and stove and cabinets and still didn’t fix breakfast).  He said, what did I ask you to do and why didn’t you do what I asked you to do?  While still sniffling into his shirt I said but I have to have stuff a certain way before I could do other stuff and all of this other stuff needed to be done.   He looked at me and said here is your first lesson in being my slave, if I tell you to do something that is what I want you to do.  Nothing else but what I told you to do.

I would love to say that that was the only time he had to teach me that lesson but it wasn’t.  I can say that that first lesson was much appreciated because that lesson along with all of the others helped me take my relationship with Master from fantasy to reality.  It is this reality that is much better than any fantasy slave I had imagined.  We are in a relationship and a very realistic one.

My words of learning:  If a relationship is what you want you have to keep going past the fantasy in your head.  My fantasy was very limiting and not that far from the “50/50” type thinking.  I do this for you, you do this for me.  My relationship with Master now is much more than that thanks to that first lesson.  We both give 100% of ourselves to be committed to this relationship.

Please feel free to share your comments, questions, impressions.

MV’s esclave

Electrical Play Basics: TENS Unit

Tens UnitI believe that the best way to begin with electrical play is the TENS unit. (TENS means Transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation.) A Tens unit is a box you use to generate an electrical pulse which is used in medicine for pain control.

We don’t use it for that.

Instead, we use it to stimulate the muscles and skin of our partners. The frequency of the pulses and the intensity can be adjusted from so that you can go to very pleasurable to quite intense. It is perhaps the easiest and safest, while allowing for a wide range of sensations. You can even find attachments that will allow you to provide some unique sensations.

Before you begin electrical play, keep in mind that this is advance play, even with a toy like this.  Get help from your local community. Never use it on the head, and be very careful to not use it near the hear (particularly if you use it across the heart).  I would urge you to buy and read Juice first before you do anything electrical, or find a mentor to teach you hands on.

Good luck and have fun.

MV

How Not to Negotiate – I am Poly

So in this post I am going to try and tackle polyarmory.  This will be how my perspective has changed from my beginning to now.

So poly for me in this lifestyle took sometime for me to understand exactly what poly was.  I had no problem with it as I thought “wow this is great, I get to have my cake and eat it too” so to speak….lol  My view of poly was of a circle.  Three (or more) of us together, loving, sharing, caring, sex etc. with each other.  I figured that would be perfect I could get to be in love with Master and with another woman and vice versa sort of like a family. Widely held definition for Polyamory = Poly (many), amor (love) = Many loves.

I found out that my idea of the structure of poly relationships was not the only structure possible.  This was a definite shock to me and something that took me several months to adjust to.  While I was thinking that poly would be what is called a triad.  (TRIAD: 1. A polyamorous relationship composed of three people. 2. A union or group of three. Usage: In the sense of Def. 1, generally, the word triad is most often applied to a relationship in which each of the three people is sexually and emotionally involved with all the other members of the triad, as may be the case in a triad consisting of one man and two bisexual women or one woman and two bisexual men; however, it is sometimes also applied to vee relationships.)

The relationship structure would actually be what is known as a “vee”.  (VEE: Colloquial A polyamorous relationship involving three people, in which one person is romantically or sexually involved with two partners who are not romantically or sexually involved with each other. See also triad, pivot; See related quad, N.)

Big difference between the two structures.  I have to admit I felt in the vee structure that I would be left out.  At that time my view on loving relationships were between two people only in the relationship.   I couldn’t understand why two people in a relationship could not be enough for the other.  This also played into my fears of abandonment as my previous relationships were unintentionally poly, meaning my other was a cheater.  So I saw the Vee type poly in a very negative way.  Still this did not turn me off of being in a poly relationship.  I just needed to educate myself a bit more and it gave Master and I something else to consider before we became a M/s couple.  It also helped me to identify another issue that I needed to work through.  I have to say confronting this issue made my commitment to Master that much stronger.  It was his way of talking to me, his consistency and reassurance and his helping me with my past issues that helped me see that being in a relationship with him is different than my other non-consensual poly relationships.

The definitions above came from this site:  Xeormag/Polyamorous Glossary.  I encourage you to take a look at this site for additional definitions on different poly structures.

My words of wisdom:  Know your terms and make sure you understand what they mean.  Something like this can damage a relationship.

Anything you would like to add or comment on please feel free to share.

Thanks.

MV’s esclave

Journals and Journaling; My Take On It

At some point, I think that most slaves/submissives are encouraged to keep a journal. Sometimes it is required by their Owner, who may read it from time to time. Others do it to process their journey; perhaps even as a way to document the changes their lives are undergoing. But, do you ever wonder why they work?

I am a fan of David Allen and his Getting Things Done method. In it, he recommends writing down everything that you have to do, in order to get it out of your mind. Otherwise, these tasks burden your mind, weigh you down, make you dread things.  The key it to make your “list” and process them regularly.

I think journaling does the same thing. It allows the slave to get the things out of her mind that bother her.  Allows her to process her thoughts, make them concrete by writing things down. It also helps her (or him) remember things down that may be forgotten.  I know one slave who keeps 2 journals; a normal one and a bad one where all the bad thoughts go.

Anyway you do it, I encourage you to maintain a journal. Sometimes taking pen in hand and slowing down long enough to write an entry is just the right way to finish up the day.

MV