How Not to Negotiate: Topping from the Bottom

Topping from the Bottom

Girl, what you are doing is “topping from the bottom”.     I have no desire to be in control of this relationship so why would Sir say that I am topping from the bottom.   What exactly does it mean to Top from the bottom?

I saw this definition from the Society of Janus webpage:

The term “topping from the bottom,” sometimes called “topping from below,” refers to a submissive/bottom’s attempt to exert control in a consensual power exchange dynamic in which that individual has ostensibly surrendered their control.

This does not describe me at all.  I do not do things to exert control in my relationship with Sir.  I mean there are something’s that I don’t tell him because he does not need to know.  I mean there are something’s that where the kids are concerned I am responsible for so he does not need to know.  These are things that I need to continue to have control over as they are still my responsibility.  So when something happens I didn’t mention it, not to try to control my submission to him but because I still am responsible for them.

So all of those things I just wrote I realize have run contrary to my submission to my Master and how my habit of actually topping from the bottom snuck in.  It was not in an overt way but kinda like how a leaky bathroom can wear down the floor…overtime and before you know you have a warped floor.   Just a little bit I would hold onto because you know, I was responsible for them.  So when he would ask me how the kids,  I’d say fine or maybe tell him a bit of what was going on because well he told me those were still my responsibility. Drip, drip, drip…

These are the words that I said to Master during our ceremony:

“MasterVoid: “Repeat after me. I, once named Rxxxxxx Gxxxxxx…

Esclave repeats this.

Master Void: “Herewith submit myself, completely and totally, in all things.”

Esclave repeats this.

Master Void: “ To him who is known as Jxxxxx Pxxxxxx, Master Void, of the House of Void…”

Esclave repeats this.

Master Void: “His girl, his slave, an article of his property, his to do with as he pleases.”

See I said I would submit myself to him in all things completely and totally.  There was no wording that would imply “only under certain circumstances and in some instances”.

I lost sight of that in those things that Master has allowed me to retain ownership over.  I did not understand that even though those are still my responsibility to handle I am still his slave.  Total submission complete in all things.

I was giving him only parts of me under the guise of totally submission.  I realized that when Master said to me that it will still be my responsibility to take care of my children I saw this as him separating from me and only wanting part of me.  Master is like the voice in my ear where my children are concerned there but not overtly so.  I’m slow to learn sometimes and this has taken me three years to realize that this is at the root of a problem that I have been struggling with since Master and I met. I understand that when I am not submitting everything to Master (fears, joys, tears, struggles, successes, kids, house) I am not being fully submitted.

My words of learning:  submission takes time and it is more than a one-time thing.  Communication is essential not just from the Master but from the slave.