My slave wrote about this a while back. But I have been reading others posts on FetLife, and I realized a lot of people are misinformed about what “Topping from the bottom” really is. I have seen far too many tops try to manipulate their partners by telling them inappropriately that they were trying to take control from the dominant by expressing themselves. Frankly, that isn’t exactly what this means.
A dominant should not do this. Topping from the bottom can be a serious issue. But for some people, it is how their relationship is structured. Topping from the bottom is when the bottom directs how the scene or relationship goes. In a more traditional BDSM relationship (if there is such a thing), the dominant is in the one providing direction and control of the subs activities. In this situation a sub is “topping from the bottom” when they try to manipulate a dominant’s feeling to provide what that want. That is the issue here. Manipulation. typically we call this passive aggressive behavior. That is what makes it wrong.
A sub is well within their rights to let the dominant know what they need. What they require in the relationship. A dominant needs to listen to this. They need to hear what the sub is saying. And that isn’t topping from the bottom.
But sometimes Dominants try to manipulate their submissives too. This is equally bad. Subs, don’t fall for this trap. Doms, don’t pull it.
Update: This writing applies to all types of relationships. M/s, D/s, t/b. It doesn’t matter.