BDSM 101: Collaring and Collaring Ceremonies

18 03 2009

I posted a few weeks ago about the ceremony that my esclave and I went through that formally acknowledged our relationship. In the lifestyle we call this a collaring ceremony. The collar is a physical representation of the spiritual bond between a Dominant and his submissive. A collaring ceremony is akin to a wedding in the non-kink world, and is where a Dominant claims the submissive partner and presents the collar.

Collars take many forms. They may be physical or only symbolic. A leather collar is just as good as one crafted from the finest precious metals. What is important is the relationship that they symbolize. A Dominant commits to protect, nurture and, perhaps most importantly from a lifestyle perspective, control their partner in a considered, respectful manner. While romantic love is often found in the relationship, it is not a requirement to be collared. Love, though, is a requirement I believe, for a healthy relationship to develop.

Typically, a Dominant will pick the collar out for her submissive. She may involve him in the process, but normally the decision is all hers. A physical collar may be a simple chain with a padlock, a dog collar bought at the local pet store, or even a piece of costume jewelry bought at the mall. Depending on the relationship, and their needs, a collar may lock, but it is almost equally likely that it will not. In my case, I commissioned a collar from a website (BondageCollars.com) that is designed to be non-removable (is secured with a hex-screw), but still looks like normal jewelry.

Then we come to the Collaring Ceremony. The ceremony may be intimate, just between the Master and slave involved, or it may be a large event with friends and family invited. If they are in an online only relationship, it may be a simple phone call, or online chat where descriptive chat is typed out. In any event, no matter where the event is held, or who attends, it should be seen as a somber event with bit of significance in our lifestyle, as a wedding is in the vanilla world.

A ceremony can be lead by a third party, as many I have attended have been. A community leader or respected friends conducts the ceremony and requests statements from both parties stating their commitments. In the case of my ceremony, I lead the ceremony, and had my esclave make her own statements.

In both cases, the normal course of events is to get those who are present to pledge their support of their relationship and to support the couple in the future. I can state from witnessing several and having my own, that a collaring is often a moving experience and can bring many there to tears.

I hope that you find these links to Collaring ceremonies useful, and I hope that you find your own way to make yours meaningful.

Ceremony of the Roses.
Gorean Ceremony.
Sample Collaring Ceremony.

Let me know what you think of this, well you know where, in the comments.

MV



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15 responses

18 03 2009
Shay

I know this is more of an informative post, but I had to go see the pictures again 🙂 And those collars are incredibly beautiful. Thanks for the links and info 😀

6 05 2011
29 11 2011
boytylor

Thank You.

30 11 2011
MasterVoid

You are welcome.

17 03 2013
Amy

I received some great information from this. I was wondering do you know or have you ever done an online collaring ceremony. This will be my first one to do and I am not sure how to do it properly….any advise I would appreciate. Thank You!

28 10 2014
13 09 2015
roadwarrior

I’m a newbie to this lifestyle. My girl is into this and I’m interested also.
Please help me with in formation that could help me learn to be a quality loving Dom.
Thx

13 09 2015
MasterVoid

Just be real.

25 05 2016
Catylina

I am fairly new to all of this my master wants my daughter to place the collar on me .im not sure if it is a good thing. Please help me to know what this would mean. Thank you

25 05 2016
MasterVoid

I don’t know what it would mean. How old is your daughter? Is she kink aware? Kink friendly?

I had some kink friendly vanilla folks at my collaring. And I was at one where the daughter was a part of the ceremony.

My real question is why isn’t he placing it in you body himself? Declaring his ownership?

5 02 2017
Domina Sora

Master Void

I’m a newly Domina and my sub is in training. We want to have a training collaring ceremony but we would like to have other BDSM member there. Can you recommend a online couple and/or does the BDSM have like a priest or priestess to perform the ceremony??? Love

5 02 2017
MasterVoid

I can’t recommend anyone online. Typcially it is done by an elder in the local community. Master or slave does not matter.

You might just consider having a ceremony, perform the collaring yourself with words that have meaning before some people who mean something to you.

That is what I did.

18 02 2017
Sex After Marriage  | 

[…] marriage, though I’d probably be just as happy with an alternative form of commitment like a collaring (from the bdsm world).  I see myself probably not as poly as I thought I was.  (Though I am certainly non […]

10 08 2017
Lon Moss

Collar of Submission Ceremony
by Lon_RM over 4 years ago
Very few things in our lifestyle are more significant than the collar worn by an “owned” submissive. It is the outward symbol of the commitment made by the dominant and submissive and marks her/him as the property of another, much the same way a wedding ring does for our vanilla counterparts. I’m asked from time to time about what a collaring ceremony consists of in the formal lifestyle. I’m sure no two are exactly the same but there are some standards that are found in almost all formal ceremonies. The following is some excerpts from what I learned and what my own collaring contained.

The Procession

The submissive is usually accompanied by his/her trainer, mentor or another dominant who will speak on the submissive’s behalf. This chosen dominant will give a testimony on the submissive’s character and commitment to the D/s lifestyle. If this dominant is the trainer, mentor or protector of this submissive, they will be required to release the submissive from their care at the beginning of the ceremony.The submissive may have one or two “sisters” in attendance, who will stand by her as she awaits the beginning of the collaring. One collaring that I observed had the sisters prepare their sister’s hair by braiding it and fastening it to the back of her head as she waited for her future Master to appear with his attendants.The dominant will usually be accompanied by one or two of his/her closest friends or those who helped him/her prepare for their role as “master or mistress.” One of them usually carries the collar for the dominant who is about to claim their submissive.

Dress and Appearance

The Submissive.>>>>>The submissive usually wears a simple garment, often a tunic-type dress for females and a similar garment for males that may include trousers and resemble pajamas. The garb is plain but neat and attractive, signifying the submissive’s role as a servant or handmaiden. The neckline of the garment is collarless and completely exposes the submissive’s neck.The submissive may wear wrist, ankle and body jewelry but there is seldom any worn on the head, such as earrings, and never is there anything worn around the neck other than the submissive’s training collar, if they had one. This training collar will be removed during the beginning of the ceremony. The reason of the lack of adornment of the head is to keep from diminishing the collar that will be placed around the submissive’s neck during the actual collaring.If the female has long hair it should be worn off the neck and pinned securely to her head. Often it is braided into a plait and twisted at the back of the head. Small flowers may be worked into the hair if they are not overwhelming and are firmly secured.

The Dominant.>>>>>The dominant should be well dressed and often appears in formal or semi-formal attire. Fetish clothing is acceptable in some situations and the dominant might choose to wear leathers or other “costume” type articles of clothing. Most often the dominant will be seen dressed as a country gentleman or lady of breeding and position.

Both.>>>>>Everyone has their own style and personal tastes should be reflected in the way the couple presents themselves. Just keep in mind this is a very serious ceremony and good judgment should prevail when choosing the look for their own special day

.Paraphernalia

The Submissive:>>>>The submissive usually carries only one item, the leash. I have seen a female submissive carry a single flower that she offers to the dominant, who then places it in his lapel. A male submissive may carry a small bouquet of flowers to present his soon-to-be Mistress as a gesture of his affection.

The Dominant:>>>>The dominant carries a crop or dressage whip as a symbol of his/her dominance in the lifestyle

.Both:>>>>If the couple has drafted a contract, each will carry a portion of this contract stating their obligations and responsibilities. These copies are to be unsigned and may be held by one of their attendants until they reach the part of the ceremony where they are needed.

The Beginning of the Ceremony

Once everyone is seated a bell is rung to signal the beginning of the ceremony. At this time the submissive and her attendants move to the front of the room, the trainer/mentor representing the submissive in the lead. If the submissive was under the care of another dominant, such as a protector, trainer or mentor, they give their testimony about the character of their charge and officially release the sub from their care and protection. If she/he wore a training collar, it is removed at this time and any contracts between the two are voided, dated, signed by each and a witness that will attest to the submissive’s release from this contract. He/she is then declared to be a free submissive and may make their own choices from this point. The submissive is then attended to by her sisters and left to stand alone on to the left of the front area. A second bell sounds and the dominant with their attendants moves to the front of the room to the right. Any statement about the character or accomplishments of the dominant is made at this time by the person chosen to speak on his/her behalf. Any other submissives that are collared by this dominant are to be in attendance and seated near the front of the room on the right side, and remain silent in a respectful position.After the testimony is given, the submissive, with leash in hand, walks toward the dominant and attendants. She/he stops before each dominant in this line for a few seconds, as if contemplating a choice. Once she/he has stopped and considered each dominant in the line, she/he returns to the dominant of their choice and offers her/his leash with words similar to the follow:

“I offer this leash to you to guide me and lead me along my journey though life. It is my desire to belong to you and to follow you where ever you choose to take me.”

At this time the dominant takes the leash from the submissive and states his/her acceptance of the submissive’s offer of themselves with such words as:

“I accept this leash as a symbol of the offering of yourself and give my promise to carefully guide you and lead you safely in my footsteps. You will belong to me from this day on and I will do all within my power to protect you as you join me on my journey.

“The dominant then asks the submissive to kneel before them and takes the collar to place it around their neck.

“Will you kneel at my feet and take this symbol of my ownership to wear as a sign to us and those we meet on our journey?”

The submissive then kneels, head held straight but eyes looking to the floor. This will be the last time she/he is “asked” to kneel.

“I kneel as a sign of my submission to you and acceptance of the symbol of your ownership. I will wear it proudly for all of my days, Sir.”

The dominant then places the collar around the submissive’s neck and fastens it securely.

“You now belong to me.” (spoken by the dominant)

“I now belong to you, Master.” (or Mistress—spoken by the submissive.

This is the first time the dominant has been called Master or Mistress and is a very moving moment in the ceremony.)The dominant now hands his copy of the contract to the submissive and takes hers/his. They both read for a few moments and sign both copies, along with a witness for both. They signify their agreement on the stipulations of the contract by verbally stating their acceptance.

“I accept your desire to serve me and the secrets of your heart written on this paper. I will honor your feelings and needs. I will always put your best interests foremost in my dominance over you. You belong to me, thus you are now a part of my body and soul. Your happiness, health and well-being are in my care and I will thoughtfully tend to them because you are a part of me and my destiny.”

“I accept the conditions of my service and respect the secrets of your heart written on this paper. I will honor and love you as I serve you to the best of my ability. I will open my heart, body and mind to your will, trusting that you have my best interests in your heart. My submission to you will be a gift freely given and shall never become a burden that I must bear. I am now a part of you and will respect you and your dominance over me as our lives and destinies have become one.

“The dominant now attaches the leash to the collar as his/her commitment to lead and guide the submissive from this day forward. The submissive presses her/his lips to the dominant’s feet to symbolize their respect and submission and remains in this position until the dominant tugs gently at the leash and “commands” the submissive to raise their head.

(This act is a symbol of the new title of Master/Mistress and shows his/her new control over the submissive.)

The dominant then kisses his/her charge and tells them to stand. The bells are sounded several times to announce the newly formed bond.The couple embraces and shows signs of their affection for each other.

A token gift may be exchanged at this time. Sometimes the dominant’s gift is a piece of jewelry that the submissive can wear when the collar is inappropriate. The submissive’s gift is usually a personal item of her choice. If the dominant had other submissives who are collared by them this is the time their new sister or brother is introduced as part of the family.After a celebration of their commitment with their friends and family, the dominant leads the submissive off to spend time with her/him. It’s a time of great joy in the community and the celebration is often a long, boisterous affair.

Collaring is never taken lightly by those who truly honor their love and respect for the D/s lifestyle and the significance of the collar is never forgotten. It’s not a decision that’s made quickly and tossed aside in a week or two. We see too much of that kind of thing online everyday and I hope that this will give you something to consider before you jump into one just because it seems like the thing to do. It’s a commitment that should bind a couple together for a lifetime. Be sure you are ready to uphold the traditions behind that band of metal or leather before offering or accepting

it.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Copyright©1997 Castle Realm

10 08 2017
Lon Moss

I am seeking what my father used to call “the Wedding Collaring he used back in the very early 1920’s. if any can help it would be appreciated….

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