So, you have found this blog, and you have been thinking about going real time but you don’t know what to do next. One popular option is something we call a Munch.
What is a Munch?
If you’re new, you may have never heard of Munches. They are basically gatherings of kinky folk that get together to share food and friendship in a casual atmosphere. I still remember my first Munch, many, many years ago at a nice Thai restaurant in Charlotte. I didn’t know what to expect, but here are a few tips to help you out.
The Munch location is usually a private section of a restaurant, we tend to keep to ourselves to prevent us from scaring the vanillas (people who are not in the lifestyle) too much. You are likely to see people of all shapes, sizes and orientations. (You are probably only going to see white folks at a munch, but I encourage anybody that might be scared off by this to not be. Kinksters are very open and accepting of people of different ethnic origins, as we are all lovers of the kink.)
Once you are there, and have introduced yourself to the group, I would recommend sitting back and watching the group’s dynamics. Some groups have protocols about Doms and subs interacting, but many do not. Sub, Dom or switch, expect there to be pre-formed social cliques. This is one of the most off putting aspects of the munch. These people know each other and have been friends, sometimes for years. Your the new kid on the block, expect to take a little while for them to get to know you. If your friendly and out going it may only take a meeting or too, if your more reclusive, then it may take a few more meetings to have this happen. But if your nice, and open minded, you should find your place in the group in no time.
One more caution is if your the new “hot” thing. If your attractive, then expect to be the center of attraction, particularly if your a woman (though I have seen men experience this too). Single Doms and subs may feel you out, particularly if they don’t know which side of the whip you are on. If this kind of attention bothers you, I would suggest that you bring an open minded friend, or contact the leader of the Munch (they often publish their email and or phone number). This should provide you some cover, as it were, and let you have a more enjoyable experience.
To find a munch group in your area, I recommend that you go to Google and type “Munch” and your area. I.E. Munch Seattle. Often times too, you may find a reference in your local weekly “events” newspaper, i.e. Creative Loafing here in Charlotte (which is a bad example, because you won’t find a listing there). Finally you may find one on FetLife, searching there is a little screwy, but they searching for munch or your home town.
Well, I hope that the above has been helpful. If you have any thoughts or questions, please let me know in the comments
MV
The House of Void 
Hey there –
I think you give great advice. I do differ with you, however, about these sentences:
“You are probably only going to see white folks at a munch, but I encourage anybody that might be scared off by this to not be. Kinksters are very open and accepting of people of different ethnic origins, as we are all lovers of the kink.”
I have not found white kinksters to be any different, generally, from your average group of white vanilla folks. To be more clear, I’ve experienced racism from white kinksters that is just as potent as that in a whiter vanilla group. In my experience it depends on conscious individual white people, rather than trusting to tolerant group dynamics. There is a reason that PoCs have created their own kink organizations or munches, and there is a reason that mostly-white groups stay mostly white.
Also – another point – the person you’re writing to can also search for those PoC kink munches. Some of them do exist in my area (DC/Bmore). Or, if there isn’t one and they are go-getters, they can consider starting one!
Thanks for putting your advice out there – it is appreciated, I am sure!
Thank you for the comment Katie.
You are correct about there being prejudiced kinksters, but I can only really speak for the local community. Being in the south (Charlotte), the kinky folks here seem to be a bit more open minded than average, but your millage may vary.
As to PoC kink groups, I know of many. Charlotte, Atlanta, DC/Baltimore, Philly, NYC, Dallas, Tx. and LA all have PoC focused groups. (Ok ATL used to, but I need to see if they still do). If anybody needs contacts for these resources send me a message.
MV
thx for this posting as i do not live in an area where there is PoCs (colorado). i am often in atl and would like to associate w/ PoC first and foremost. i have been “denied access” to a renown bdsm group b/c of race (it is sad people still do such). please send info on groups u may know of in atl, dallas, los angeles and dc areas. do to travels, i am often in these areas. thx..
In DC & LA BlackBEAT would be my recommendation for local munches. They meet every few months and are specifically oriented towards ebony flavors of BDSM. Not sure about Dallas, the closest BlackBEAT chapter in Texas meets in Austin. The Grande Damme in Atlanta is Lady D, a nationally known presenter and leather leader who resides in Atlanta would be my recommendation if you wanted to make contact in that area. You can find her on Fetlife as LadyPEP. I hope that helps you MsDD. It hurts me when people deny you access because of race. I have always tried to be very active in enabling people of all races to find their kink.
MV
Where in Dallas can I fin PoC kink munch? Thanks for any help you can offer.
Tiff,
Let me look into it and get back to you with what I find. Thanks for stopping by.
please inform me of your next munch. i’ve been trying to meet people in this lifestyle for months now and haven’t had much luck. i just learned about munch and kick in searches from john warren today! its like trying to find a virgin in a catholic high school!
i found your blog very informative. thanks.
dave
So im new to this and am trying to get into but am having trouble finding places. Does anybody know of meeting or place in the san fornando valley?
shield, I found this group on FetLife. It seems pretty active.
https://fetlife.com/groups/1116
Hi
We have what we believe is a great fetish, BDSM and kink social website. The site is based very strongly on “Facebook” with loads of privacy and restrictive settings. We are strong on safety and have a “Wall of shame” group for outing trolls, scammers and abusive members. Search is extensive in an attempt to marry both a social and dating site into one network hence the paranoia with safety and good neighbourliness.
The site is arranged in such a way that all groups act as their own website with their own forums, events adverts, pics etc. This leaves the main feed as a general feed.
We encourage members to freely advertise services, events etc. on the site and to make full use of the chat room for public and private chat. There is also a video chat for those who want to cyber.
Feel free to visit and promote yourselves on the site. http://www.one44.net
Wow. So much wrong here. You seem to have take all the bad points of the Internet and nothing good from Facebook.
Thank you for this I live about 25 mins from charlotte and have been interested in something like this for a while..I am very new to all of this and have never been in a sub/dom relationship so didnt know if people who are looking into possibly getting into the lifestyle are welcome
This is awesome. I lead a group Nouveau-Atlanta. We will be sharing your article at our next munch. This is very helpful.
kandansky@nouveau-atlanta.com
http://www.nouveau-atlanta.com
I’m interested in joining
My name is Kevin and I’ve been have this kinky way of thinking since I was a child people I talked to before didn’t understand why I would want to be spanked now I’m 30 and I still want to be spanked I feel like it will help me release anger and frustration