I learned a new word while spending time with Sir this past week.
Placate: to appease or pacify, esp. by concessions or conciliatory gestures.
Sir and i were at the AfterGlow event that just closed our experience at BlackBEAT quite nicely. Sir had mentioned that we would stay for a collaring ceremony which I was happy about because I had never seen a collaring before. The collaring ceremony was going to start later than expected and Sir came over to me and started to tell me about the change to our plans. I knew he had a long drive back so instead of letting him finish expressing his thoughts to me, I interrupted him and said it’s okay Sir we can leave whenever you are ready I don’t mind. That did not go over well and his swift response pointed that out to me.
I without realizing was trying to placate him. In my relationship with my ex-husband I would do whatever I could to keep him with me to make him happy at the expense of myself. I realized that I was doing the same with Sir. That I was trying to show him that I can be pliable and agreeing so that he wouldn’t think that being with me would be such a chore.
You know what that does, it devalues him as a responsible, thinking, caring man. When I do that to Sir I basically treat him like a little child who does not know nor control his own emotions. This is not the man I chose to be my Sir. This is not the man I chose to be a positive influence for my children. Someone said to me while I was at BlackBEAT that by my not listening or letting Sir finish his thoughts I could quite possibly miss something very important.
So what I have done now that I realized my desire to placate him, I have stopped, mindfully. I am more aware of my not having to say anything when Sir says something to me. I am not required to placate him or to fill his head with endless compliments or encouragements. Before I speak Sir tells me to count to 3 which gives me time to not respond or to respond appropriately.
You know, the more that I am with Sir, the more that I appreciate myself with him.