My Google reader had two interesting articles in it about consent and the law today. One happened in Australia, the other in Sweden. Both involve a man being aggressive to a woman. Both are kind of complex situations. The Australian one involves a man and his ex-wife/former submissive. The other involves a 32 year old man and a 16 year old woman.
BDSM is what we all are claiming to practice. But in truth, BDSM requires consent. My esclave consents to what I do with and to her. She can have me stop at any time. But the other two went too far. In Australia, consent seems very clearly to have been withdrawn. A restraining order was even issued. She was with another Dominant. Relationship should have been over. Without consent, BDSM becomes abuse.
In Sweden, the issue revolves around the issues of consent and age. Can a 16 year old (with a history of self abuse if the article is accurate) consent to Sadomasochistic activities? Did her partner take advantage of her? It is hard to say. I don’t think so. Even if she is above the age of consent in Sweden, the brain is still developing at that age. No, I think such things are wrong.
There is no checklist to see if your relationship is abuse in a BDSM context. There are many, many relationships that would complete any checklist. But there is one word that sums up the difference between abuse and fun.
If you aren’t consenting to your lover’s curent activities, or you have been so abuse you can no longer not consent, please get help.
Otherwise, keep on having fun.
Let me know what you think, in the comments please.