Reactance – Pt. 1

A friend was talking to me about reactance.  I didn’t quite understand what she was talking to me about and it takes a couple of days for things to sink in fully and become relatable to me.  So it has been sitting in the back of my mind for a few days now.  According to one of the articles she posted reactance happens when something is perceived as being a threat to the persons freedom.  When that happens the person tries by whatever means to restore that freedom.  I think of a diet when I try to understand reactance .  I diet to help lose weight, health reasons, self control.  But it seems that whenever i try to diet it seems that it is a taking away my freedom to have what I want.  So what do I do, I eat more.  Thereby restoring my freedom to eat whatever I want but defeating my original purposes of going on the diet.  He also mentioned that the person experiencing reactance can be irrational.   LOL   Not everyone experiences reactance.   Again reactance happens when ones perceives their “freedom” is threatened.   Most peoples buttons don’t get pushed in a way that reactance happens.

I will continue with how this applies to me.

mvs1esclave

Habits

In our Lifestyle, we all get used to certain things.  We name these things “Rituals”. We treat them as sacred and follow them almost religiously.  They are unique to each relationship. Even in a poly situation, the rituals may not be shared.

Tonight, esclave and I are unable to share one of our rituals. Her city is having  a blackout or brownout. We don’t get those down here. Not like that at least.  The important thing here is that one does not freak out when the ritual doesn’t happen. Acknowledge the issue, and move one.  Of course, if one continually has issues with a ritual, perhaps it is time to change it.

MV

Jamaica Does BDSM

I found an article today from a Jamaican news site discussing BDSM. I find the perspective interesting (the author calls BDSM “Kinky sex”, which I would argue with. I think that BDSM is one type of kinky sex, there are others).

The term BDSM describes the activities between consenting partners that contain sadistic and masochistic elements, which involve the inflicting or receipt of pain to derive pleasure. It includes bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S) and sadism and masochism (S&M).

The term ‘vanilla’ refers to normative (‘non-kinky’) sex and relationships, the vanilla world being mainstream society outside of the BDSM subculture. The term comes from vanilla ice cream, which is considered the ‘default’ flavour.

Check out the whole article here. Seems that other countries are doing better discussing BDSM than we do here in the Atates.

MV

Too Damn Hot

It is hot, too damn hot. I am miserable.  The only chance of respite is a decent margarita.  Here is my recipe for one:

1) 3 oz of Reposito Tequila (I use 1800)

2) 1 oz of Cointreau.

3) juice from 1 lime.

4) simple syrup to taste.

Shake well, serve in a chilled, salted glass.  Toss in a lime wedge.

Now I need more limes.

MV

Milestones

Today’s post marks something of a milestone for my blog. 100 postings.  So I am going to kick back and have a margarita.

On a different note (but still a celebratory one), the Southern California Leather Gathering is happening this month.  So if you are going to be near South El Monte, CA, then check it out. It is an outdoors event that looks to be fun.  No minors or alcohol will be permitted (wisely I think). If you have been to one previously, let us know in the comments.

MV

Tristan Taormino

Tristan Taormino is a very well know BDSM educator located in New York. Her website offers a variety of lifestyle resources that may pique your instance. You can even purchase one of her famous butt plugs (she wrote the “Ultimate Guide for Anal Sex for Women”). esclave can attest to the quality of her butt plugs personally.

She also has a newsletter you can sign up for.

Check it out.

MV