Consent and BDSM

12 08 2012
A BDSM-style collar that buckles in the back. ...

A BDSM-style collar that buckles in the back. This was a featured picture of Lady Byron (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It has been brought to my attention that our community is having a discussion about consent. That is a good thing.  I think that consent is one of the Foundations of BDSM. A core principal, along with Honesty and Trust. But what is it and how do we achieve consent in our relationships? What is the role of the Dominant and the  submissive?  Well here is my view of things.

Consent according to the dictionary is:

to give assent or approval :agree

Informed consent is what we are discussing here.  It is paramount that all parties are both aware of the facts, and agree to them. Dominants should clearly lay out what they plan, so far as they are aware. Submissives are also responsible in being truthful with their own desires and capabilities.  And consent can be withdrawn at any time. That doesn’t mean the relationship is over, but it does mean that both sides have to do some heart-searching and mind-searching to figure out why what happened happened.  From being open and honest with each other, there comes the trust. And Informed consensual activity is at the basis of our lives.

Don’t jerk people around. Be honest with them. Tell them what you can do, what you expect from them. This applies to both sides of the power exchange.

 

Ponder that.

MV

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3 responses

20 08 2012
Anna

I wrote some thoughts about this topic last year. Not super-happy with the writing at this point, but I stand by the points in it: http://annabunches.tumblr.com/post/1111720706/consent-and-risk-in-bdsm

28 08 2012
28 09 2012
Definition – “Dynamic” in BDSM | Belasarius & curvy_bottom

[…] Consent and BDSM (houseofvoid.com) Share this:Like this:LikeBe the first to like this. This entry was posted in BDSM and D/s on September 28, 2012 by Belasarius. […]

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