I Feel Like a Video, You Feel Like a Video?

YouTube – Shibari Performance, BioBurlesque 2007.

Safety in BDSM Is Not Always Black and White

A post on one of the websites I frequent today spurred a thought on the issues of safety and BDSM. BDSM is a high risk activity, along the lines of hiking and camping, white water rafting, or even bungee jumping or parasailing. That said, I am more philosophically aligned with RACK not SSC. Each and every one of us do not have the same issues with safety. What is safe for me, may be highly dangerous for another. Theses are things that we must keep in mind when planning or witnessing a scene.

  • Different activities have different risk level. What this means is caning has one level of risk, caning needles, another. A violent wand is a great thing, but combining that with a piercing can cause risks that you may not have taken into account.
  • Different physical issues carry different risks. A young, flexible, nubile toy does not have the same risk level as a BBW, 63 year old slave. Both can be played with, but don’t make the old slave crawl along the floor, because you may need to pick her back up.
  • Different mental issues cause bad risks. If you don’t know everything about your sub, how can you know that putting a gag in her mouth will cause her to freak out. (Yes, this has happened to me, but that is another tale.) Be careful, take the time to get to know your partners as fully as possible, and take responsibility when the bad things occur.
  • Different play styles carry inherently different risk. Does the person playing start hard without warmup? Iron butt syndrome? Or perhaps they prefer to use a more gentle touch. The hard core player who changes it up with his partner without warning, is likely to cause some mental distress. A gentle player who suddenly wacks his sub hard, may end up causing physical and mental trauma. Watch what you are doing, and be ready to handle the fallout. And if you see a player playing differently than you are comfortable with, don’t let that be the sole factor in deciding that the scene is “bad”.

So, I want you to keep these issues in mind when watching or planning out the evenings events. Do you have the experience to judge if an activity is unsafe? Or are you having an issue because it makes you afraid? Squick you?

MV


Surrender and Obedience

Surrender:

–verb (used without object)

6. to give oneself up, as into the power of another; submit or yield.

Obedience:

1 a: an act or instance of obeying

I am learning that my life with Sir is one of active surrender and obedience.  My life as his slave is not passive on my part it is an action.   Becoming fully Master’s property requires me to let go of those things that hinder me becoming such.

I surrender my emotions, my resistance, my very self to Sir in different instances and obey even during those times when I really don’t want to.  My surrendering and obedience to Sir is moment by moment sometimes but as it is my choice to be His then i surrender and obey.

Mistakes, Learning, and the Art of BDSM

I was reminded today that the greatest opportunities we have is through failure. When we fail, there are always repercussions, but we know what we did wrong, and that will help us succeed in the future. Often we make the mistake of thinking the world will end when we fail. But to tell the truth, many of our most successful entrepreneurs had long histories of failure, before succeeding. Success and failure are related to each other, much in the same way that light and dark are. This we would do well to remember in all our endeavors.

But, I digress. How this relates to me personally and BDSM in particular comes from the failures I have had in the past with relationships with others. I have failed to be a good Dom in the past. I have failed to follow up on actions I have promised. I have failed to know what expectations submissives have. With each failure though, I learned something. I learned to manage the information flow so I read each and every email that comes in, not have a journal that I look at periodically. That isn’t how I work. I learned the importance of a collar in a relationship, by not bringing one to my first slave. I learned, and I grew.

But each time I failed, there were prices to be paid. I lost relationships with people, hell I hurt people. But the world did not come crashing to an end. I survived, and frankly I got to be a much better Master because of the failures I have experienced in the past. That is truth.

What failures have you had? Did they make you a better Dominant? A better person? Or did you succumb to failure? Did you wallow in self pity? Let me know, in the comments.

MV


Event Security

I have something of a reputation involving security at BDSM events. I have served as the director of security for BlackBEAT the previous 2 years, and will be serving again this year.  Recently I was asked to serve at a local event for CLOAK.  This got me thinking about event security, and I thought I would share some tips that has made me successful at what I do.

  1. Know the event details.  In order to provide security at an event, one must know the details of what the event offers.  Special concerns of the events attendees. Will there be nudity? Who can use cameras? What are the issues about Cell phones?  Last year, BlackBEAT had a wild west theme, so I had to let everyone know that firearms, real or not, were not allowed at the hotel.
  2. Know the layout of the building. Get a map of the building if possible.  If not, walk about the area your even will be taking place in.  Know the placement of the doors and windows in each class room.  Be sure that the blinds are closed, to prevent people from peaking in for a free show.
  3. Presence is important.  It is important that your security staff are clearly identifiable and always present, but you do not want to seem threatening. Make sure that the staff knows what to do when vanilla members of the public show up.  Additionally important is how to handle a forgotten or lost badge.
  4. Your staff is often the face of the event.  A lot of times security is called upon for directions to nearby restaurants, locations of the smoking areas, and the restroom. While not strictly part of our job, it does make for a better overall event impression.  The little touches count.
  5. The hotel staff are your friends.  Remember, your event is paying a lot of money to use the facilities.  The hotel staff wants you to be happy.  Often times you may be a point of contact, should the event coordinator be unavailable.  Be sure that they know who you are.

I hope this helps you with your next event.  Please feel free to let me know what you think in the comments.

MV

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