NCMaster on Petitions

A very good friend of mine wrote an excellent post on FetLife. It is a bit more about how to do things more formally when we practice what it is that we do. I think the traditions we have had, and formality in generally can be very good things.  So, read on.

I have read many posts on fetlife in this group and others where people are seeking mentors. My question is what ever happened to the old method of finding a mentor? What has worked for many is that a person, dominant or submissive, decides they would benefit from having a mentor; then set about identifying someone that would best serve as their mentor and petition this person.

The first thing you need to do is to identify what you want from a mentor. Are you seeking a mentor for a specific thing or for an on-going education in the lifestyle? Seeking a mentor for short term specific training is much easier. Things like training in a specific skill set are relatively easy to achieve. Looking for a mentor that will guide you through your journey is more involved.

How does one identify the best person to become a mentor? This process takes time and work. You should first become involved with your local group and begin networking with others. Get to know people, observe those around and listen to the things they are saying. Become familiar with people outside your immediate local area by attending presentations and workshops and learning about the presenters. As you begin to consider various people as potential mentors, learn as much as you can about them. Read any material they have written, check for blogs, posts they have done on any of the lifestyle web sites, ask others that know them for opinions. If possible, talk to the person yourself and get to know them first hand.

Once you have identified someone that you think would be a good mentor, how do you approach them? It could be very informal and as simple as talking to them and asking if they will help you. However, most will appreciate a formal approach with a written petition.

The written petition could include much the same information you would have on a resume. This will describe where you are in your journey and where you hope to be. You could include a “Leather Resume”, a listing of any accomplishments you have had in the BDSM community such as working with groups, presentations you have done, recognitions you have received, etc.

The petition should also include a statement of what you seek to get from a mentor, the time you are willing to commit to such a relationship, and any other information you think will be helpful. Keep in mind that this is the beginning of negotiations, there will be some further communications to fine tune how the relationship will ultimately develop. The person you are asking may also have some questions and requirements that you will have to consider.

As to whether to have a dominant or a submissive be your mentor, in My opinion, is not as important as the qualifications and willingness of the person to mentor. I have learned much from both dominants and submissives in My journey. Select a person that is able and willing to teach you the things you want to learn.

Keep in mind that you can learn much from informal mentoring, just getting to know people and learning as you observe them, asking questions as things come up and watching how they handle themselves in various circumstances. However, if you seek the formal mentoring, taking the time to follow traditions will help you get off to a better start.

copyright 2008 NCMaster

Some very good food for thought.

MV

National Day of Listening

While strictly speaking, the National Day of Listening isn’t directly a kink event. However, we do have a tradtion of creating prevertables.  I think that this event is highly pervertable, and very useful for our community.

I hear a lot about building our community and our history.  This is your day to help.  Pick someone you know in the lifestyle, and interview them.

This Thanksgiving, StoryCorps asks you to start a new holiday tradition—set aside one hour on Friday, November 28th, to record a conversation with someone important to you. You can interview anyone you choose: an older relative, a friend, a teacher, or a familiar face from the neighborhood

You can preserve the interview using recording equipment readily available in most homes, such as tape recorders, computers, video cameras or a pen and paper. Our free Do-It-Yourself Guide is easy to use and will prepare you and your interview partner to record a memorable conversation, no matter which method of recording you prefer.

Lets all do this.
MV

Better Late Than Never

Q-Tip is at CAPEX this weekend. Should be a nice presentation.

CAPEX wants you to join us on November 22 for a must-see presentation by 2007 International Boot Black Q-Tip.

“Bridging the Gap”

Is our “pansexual” group TRULY pansexual? This is very interesting conversation about how to (and why) to bring together the various parts of the greater kink community: “Old guard” and “next generation,” straight and gay, black and white, young and old, male dom and femm dom, and all our various sub-communities. What is the demographic make-up of CAPEX now, and what do we want it to be in the new year?

2:00pm – 3:00pm CHECK-IN Check-in table, vendor area and CAPEX library open.

3:00pm – 3:30pm BUSINESS MEETING Check-in table is closed. Doors to the meeting room are closed.

3:30pm – 4:00pm INTERMISSION Check-in table, vendor area and CAPEX library open.

4:00pm – 6:00pm PRESENTATION

8:00pm – 2:00am SOCIAL

There will be a prize drawing for people who RSVP early! You know we have some AWESOME gifts!

Email rsvp@capex.info

Include

  • Contributor #
  • number and names of guests

MV

Video Friday

Enjoy.

MV

Don’t rightly know what happened here. I posted a video and then it disappears. I will see if I can find it again.

The Curious Case of Harvey Milk

On the way home today, I was listening to NPR where they had an interesting program about a man I had never heard of before: Harvey Milk. No technically, I am a little off topic because I have no direct connections between him and the Lifestyle.  However, as he was the first openly gay person ever to be elected to office in the United States, I think that his story is very important in these days after California’s rejection of Prop 8.

Harvey Bernard Milk (May 22, 1930 – November 27, 1978) was an American politician and the first openly gay man to be elected to public office in California, as a member of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors. Milk was born and raised in New York where he acknowledged his homosexuality as an adolescent, but chose to pursue sexual relationships with secrecy and discretion well into his adult years. His experience in the counterculture of the 1960s caused him to shed many of his conservative views about individual freedom and the expression of sexuality.

He was compelled to run for city supervisor in 1973, though he encountered resistance from the existing gay political establishment. His campaign was compared to theater; he was brash, outspoken, animated, and outrageous, earning media attention and votes, although not enough to be elected. He campaigned again in the next two supervisor elections, dubbing himself the “Mayor of Castro Street”. Voters responded enough to warrant his running for the California State Assembly as well. Taking advantage of his growing popularity, he led the gay political movement in fierce battles against anti-gay initiatives. Milk was elected city supervisor in 1977 after San Francisco reorganized its election procedures to choose representatives from neighborhoods rather than through city-wide ballots. Milk served almost eleven months as city supervisor and was responsible for passing a stringent gay rights ordinance in San Francisco. On November 27, 1978, Milk and Mayor George Moscone were assassinated by Dan White, another city supervisor who had recently resigned and wanted his job back. Both Milk’s election and the events following his assassination demonstrated the liberalization of the population and political conflicts between the city government and a conservative police force. Milk has become an icon in San Francisco and “a martyr for gay rights”, according to University of San Francisco professor Peter Novak.[1] While established political organizers in the city insisted gays work with liberal politicians and use restraint in reaching their objectives, Milk outspokenly encouraged gays to use their growing power in the city and support each other. His goal was to give hope to disenfranchised gays around the country. In 2002, he was called “the most famous and most significantly open LGBT official ever elected in the United States”.[2] Writer John Cloud remarked on his influence, “After he defied the governing class of San Francisco in 1977 to become a member of its board of supervisors, many people—straight and gay—had to adjust to a new reality he embodied: that a gay person could live an honest life and succeed.”[3]

While Wikipedia finds him to be a very significant figure in history, it is obvious from the NPR story (listen to the audio part) that many younger gay men and women have never heard of him, nor do they find it relevant. Well this is my part to change that.

One final interesting note, Dan White, the former city supervisor that assinated Milk and the Mayor, only got 5 years as a sentence.  Using a odd ball, yet somewhat famous,  “Twinkie defense“, White managed to convince a jury that he was of diminished capacity due to junk food.

The expression derives from the 1979 trial of Dan White, a former San Francisco, California (U.S.) Supervisor who assassinated Mayor George Moscone and Supervisor Harvey Milk on November 27, 1978. At the trial, noted psychiatrist Martin Blinder testified that White had been depressed at the time of the crime, and pointed to several factors indicating White’s depression: he had quit his job; he shunned his wife; and normally clean-cut, he had become slovenly in appearance. Normally a fitness fanatic and health food advocate, White had also been consuming Twinkies and Coca-Cola. As an incidental note, Blinder mentioned theories that elements of diet could worsen existing mood swings.[2] Another psychiatrist, George Solomon, testified that White had “exploded” and was “sort of on automatic pilot” at the time of the killings.[3] The fact that White had killed Moscone and Milk was not challenged, but in part because of the testimony from Blinder and other psychiatrists, the defense successfully argued for a ruling of diminished capacity. White was thus judged incapable of the premeditation required for a murder conviction, and was convicted of voluntary manslaughter instead. The verdict was unpopular, leading to the White Night Riots.

In stories covering the trial, satirist Paul Krassner had played up the angle of the Twinkie,[2] and he would later claim credit for coining the term “Twinkie defense”.[4] The day after the verdict, columnist Herb Caen wrote in the San Francisco Chronicle about the police support for White (a former policeman himself) and their “dislike (understatement) of homosexuals” and mentioned “the Twinkie insanity defense” in passing.[2] News stories published after the trial, however, frequently reported the defense arguments inaccurately, claiming that the defense had presented junk food as the cause of White’s depression and/or diminished capacity, instead of symptomatic of and perhaps exacerbating an existing depression.[5]

As a result of the White case, diminished capacity was abolished in 1982 by Proposition 8 and the California legislature, and replaced by “diminished actuality”, referring not to the capacity to have a specific intent but to whether a defendant actually had a required intent to commit the crime with which he was charged.[6] Additionally, California’s statutory definitions of premeditation and malice required for murder were eliminated by the state’s legislature, with a return to common law definitions. By this time, the “Twinkie defense” had become such a common referent that one lawmaker had waved a Twinkie in the air while making his point during a debate.[2]

Some things are just too amazing for words.

Oh, all this is coming out due to a movie, titled Milk.

MV