How NOT to negotiate – “I need to be Hurt”

A tongue in cheek perspective of my learnings as a slave in this style of my life.

So here is my first post in my new blog spot.  They will not be in any sort of order just random things that I have learned in my journey of being a slave to Master Void and stepping into this lifestyle.  Some posts will be longer than others,  due to my inability sometimes to understand stuff quickly (yeah, sometimes I do need a brick wall to fall on me before I actually get it, or more like…”let’s touch that to see it will burn”?

When I first became aware of the stuff that was available in this lifestyle and that there are people who like what I like and actually want/need the things that I did, I felt like a kid in a candy store.  Eyes wide open willing to take everything all at once.

One of the things I remember saying is that I want someone to hurt me.  At that time what I meant by hurt me was something totally different from what I could have experienced. In my mind I wanted to be sexually excited and then hurt in the stimulating ways I might find exciting.  What was probably heard was that I wanted them to hurt me in anyway they choose.   There are so many different ways to be hurt that leaving it open with a general statement of “hurt me” left me open to be hurt in any and every way.

I got lucky and was able to meet people who made me take a moment and slow down and took the time to actually talk to me and not take advantage of my innocence…that was saved for when I knew a bit more…LOL  Luckily I have found there are more people in this lifestyle willing to help and not take advantage of a new person but as in everything there are exceptions.

Different ways that can cause hurt:

Pressure points

Pinching

Biting

Hard Flogging

Canes

Textures (Funny as this may sound I found out that using rabbit fur on my skin can cause me great discomfort.  Man, I hate that soft touching stuff…grrrr)

Whipping

Needles

Spanking (with hands or instruments)

Squeezing an arm, leg, hand

Instruments for Electrical play (HATE them)

These are but a few things that can cause hurt physically.

Also, a phrase I learned after being with Master was consensual/non consent.  While you might be thinking wow that hurts ways more than I want and you are saying stop, no more some people can take that to me please continue.  There are people who play along the edges and continue even after someone has said no.  In a trust filled relationship this can be an exciting part of play.  I absolutely love it when Master hurts me even though I don’t like the way he hurts me. ( Electrical play bad).  The exciting part for me is 1. it pleases him to hurt me, 2. it totally excites me when he’s please.  But again this is in a relationship built upon trust for both of us.

No might mean no to you but to the other person that could be the continued green light to not stop

This link gives a simple description for consensual/non-consent

My words of learning:  Be specific with your words and with what you actually want.  Stepping out and trying anything/everything with someone a random person (even if they are well known in the community) can be detrimental to you and the person you choose to play with.  Miscommunication about desires can make scening unbearable for you and for the Top.  In the example of consensual/non consent if it is later found out that you really didn’t want what was happening there could be legal ramifications.

This lifestyle has so much to offer and being wise and taking responsibility for self learning will make it that much enjoyable for you.

Questions, comments please feel free to share.

MV’s esclave

My weekly space

So I have started writing my  weekly service book of days but I feel that I need to evolve it a little bit.  I think if I continued to follow the prompts in its current form, I would be missing the point of why hisnamaste started it.  The purpose was for me to remember my days in service to Master.  In every area of my life (kids, work, extra activities) are in  service to Master.

My service to Master was a bit rocky this past week.  I messed up really bad and at this stage of our relationship I should not have messed up on something so basic.

My life is changing and it feels like I still have so much to do.  I didn’t realize that I am feeling so stressed with fixing the house, looking for a place, a car, taking care of the kids all while being in service to Master.  I thought if I took a minute and did something out of my normal that I would be able to cope.  That was wrong of me.  Master says one of the important things in our relationship is my need to communicate with him about everything.  There is no area of me that should be kept away from him.  I could say that it was my need to be always “okay” with him and I would be correct.  It was my need to be “okay” which hinders me from being Master’s slave.

With moving closer to Master, which I can not wait for, I guess I am putting too much pressure on myself to be different, better.

So no more of that.

I am going to start writing a blog post once a week that will be titled  “How Not to Negotiate”.  This blog will be focussed on the lessons I have learned from being with Master  and I think this will help me refocus on my being Master’s slave and remembering my space.

Master Void’s esclave

Naked Pools For The Win

I ran across this story in the USAToday about hotels in Las Vegas offering an experience in a pool I would really love to experience. I like the idea of being pool side, surrounded by half naked women with servers being at your beck and call.  Now if I only had the cash to experience this too. LOL.

Adorned with lip stud, bellybutton ring, star tattoos and perfect makeup, off-duty exotic dancer Erika Murphy leaps into the pool at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino like a happy seal and flutters her bikini-covered tush to hip-hop music blaring on the mega-sound system. Another woman struts poolside showing off a tattoo above her low-riding swimsuit bottom that reads: “Lucky You.”

Around them, several thousand attending the weekly “Rehab” party toss back beer or fruity drinks in plastic cups, smooch on daybeds, troll for hookups or merely gape at a level of revelry usually not reached at 2 p.m. on a Sunday.

“I’ve never seen anything like this, ever,” says Detroit-area financial adviser Jeremy Bachusz, 30, watching from the sidelines with pals on a Vegas getaway. “It’s not going to happen anywhere else.”

MV

An Open Letter to the Members of CAPEX

I wrote the following this week to the members of the Capex organization.

 

Drama, Customer Retention and the Future of Capex

I have been watching the emails that have been going back and forth the last few days. While there are many things I could say about the posts, I will choose to keep my own counsel on these things. Saying these things out on the public list really does not help Capex become a better organization. Simply put:

THE DRAMA MUST STOP NOW!

This has to be stopped for the health and continued existence of Capex.It is ok to have your feelings, but drama of this sort is never constructive. It does not help build a better Capex. It only serves to tear us apart. Drama only destroys, it does not, it cannot build.

While I am often critical of the policies and directions which Capex, I do so because I realize the important role of this organization, not to attack a person or destroy an idea. Capex has been and still is a key organization in our community and I hope that it continues to be in the years to come, though the bickering and lack of new ideas that have been presented over the last few days does not make me very optimistic.

Capex, while never a wealthy organization, has always tried to serve its membership and the greater community (by which I mean Charlotte, the Carolinas, the SouthEast and the nation at large), whether by educational efforts, Community outreach (Gateway immediately comes to mind) or financial support (grants to contest runners and donation to leather and/or kink organizations).

No other organization has the resources to do what Capex is doing in our local community. While there are many other places for us to gather to break bread or play, they lack the structure and the resources that an organization like Capex can bring to the table. We can address our community’s issues like no other group can.

Customer Retention

That said, it is important to realize that the most important thing in keeping Capex healthy is to make the members happy. This bears repeating. It is critically important to ensure that the current members of Capex are happy to come out to an event. They need to feel that they are getting their monies worth; to tell the rest of the Community what a great time they had. Simply put, happy members drive the growth and success of Capex.

Why is this?  In the business world, it is well know that it costs more to acquire new customers that it does to keep the current ones happy,  You must advertise, recruit, offer deals and discounts to recruit new people. This translates directly to our beloved Capex. When members are not happy, we must spend time and energy getting the good word out, offer enticements to join, and the like to drive membership. When a long time member leaves us, because they are not happy, they spread the negativity with their friends and acquaintances. They tell why they left. This causes Capex to have to spend resources(mostly time) best utilized to keep current members happy. As many real world companies are finding out today, one disgruntled "customer" can spread this negativity more easily and quickly today, more so than ever before.

This is, sadly, unavoidable to some extent. Capex is not for everyone. Nor should it try to be.  If we do focus on making happy members who stay, they will spread how happy Capex is making them. The positivity will outshine the negative and Capex will continue to grow.

I remember when talking to people from California about Capex, all I ever heard were positive things (yes, they had heard of us, mostly I find, due national presenters like Jay Wiseman, Lady Green and Uncle Abdul who had presented at Capex and told wondrous things about us). Former members who moved away simply raved about how great we were (not always, but that seemed to have been the normal sentiment of members). Now, the comments I hear are much more negative. We are beginning to gain a reputation much more negative. We are being perceived as an organization that only wishes to bicker amongst ourselves and frankly, not an asset in our community.

When the new board is elected, their primary must be making the members happy. Personal agendas must stop. If we continue upon the current path, Capex will die. However, if they focus on the members then Capex will become the place to be in our community, it will grow regardless of what other options are available in the area.

The Future of Capex

Right now I see two possible futures for Capex.  I see Capex either as the strong central pillar of the pansexual Leather and Kink Community, which Capex, or, if the current atmosphere continues, dwindling away to irrelevance through the infighting, bickering, politics and drama.

The board serves a key role in this by setting a high behavior and making our monthly events something that our members are driven to attend. or they can continue with business as usual and continue the drive to irrelevancy which Capex seems to be set upon.

We members play a role in this as well. We can continue to remain silent and be a party to the demise of Capex, or we can speak out against the drama when we see it. We can hold our fellow members to high standards. We need to elect people that will commit to serve our interest, not to forward their own personal agendas.

We are all Capex. Like any democracy we get the leadership we deserve. Expect more, we will get more. Expect less, we will get less. We are responsible for the future of Capex, perhaps even more than the board is. Only those we elect are able to serve after all.  But there is something more we must do.

When D______ had his accident (and I am glad to hear you are getting better, hope to see you back soon), I was shocked to see how many roles that he had filled for Capex. While no one can say anything negative about his passion, his devotion or his abilities in the roles he has stepped up to serve, it is quite disappointing that there were not others in Capex who stepped up to fill some of these roles. (I will include myself in this criticism).

I challenge each of you reading this far in the message to take a few moments this week and ask "What is it that I can do for Capex?" I know I will be asking myself this same question.

See you at the next meeting (I hope).

Peace and tranquility,
Master Void
http://houseofvoid.com
http://FetLife.com/MasterVoid
http://www.twitter.com/mastervoid

P.S.   If you noticed, I never used the term "Capexian" in my message.  Frankly, I will never, ever use this term to refer to someone in Capex. I believe that its only purpose is to separate us from the rest of the community. The fact is we are a part of a larger community. We need them, we are a part of them. Many of us attend other groups events where this will be seen as arrogance and aloofness. We as the members and "owners" of Capex need to remember this. We are not just member of a group, but members of a larger community as well.

Service book of days

v Outside my window… (weather, what do you hear, what do you see?) the weather is cool with a gentle breeze.  After the 90 plus degrees of this weekend this is more than a welcome change.

v my thoughts… are taking it one day at a time.

v Today’s Quote: All people have their own way of being in the world, what works for you may not work for everybody.  DailyOM  www.dailyom.com

v i am thankful for…Mondays…new starts

v From my service training…(any skills, training etc; notes you want to share this week)  mindful decisions that flow within my slavery to Master.

v From the kitchen…(menu for the week, what are you cooking?)  I made shish kabobs and coconut milk rice with  peppers and pineapples.

v i am wearing…nothing.  Laying in bed and talking with Master.  Winding down from our day together.  Soon we will be closer together

v i am creating…(crafts, sewing etc;) Nothing new at the moment

v my adventures this week…(where are you going this week?)  going to a munch in NY this weekend.  Yay.  It’s been a really long time since I have hung out with my kinky friends.

v Becoming well read…(What are you reading this week?) No books this week.

v i manifest and co-create…(what are your hopes, dreams, and prayers this week)  Life to the full.

v Today’s Melody…(what music are you listening to? even if it’s just the sound of a bird…) Listening to some workout music.

v One of my favorite things…is to lay my head on Master’s chest and listen to him breathe…sighs

v further plans for this week…Nothing this week.   Keeping it close to home.

v Still….life(share a picture you’ve taken OR a picture you found online that speaks to you)  Photo used with permission from:  http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.5/

http://www.everystockphoto.com

Want to start something different.  Here are the directions:

Once a week on Monday you will respond to the above prompts.. more is better. Post your response on your blog or website.

Mention the blog (service savoir faire) and offer a link back to the main page of the blog. This way others can participate in the project as well!   www.servicesavoirfaire.blogspot.com

So now that you know how, please feel free to join me. 🙂