FetLife and Chat: Feeling Betrayed

19 01 2012

So ever since James announced chat coming to FetLife I’ve felt betrayed. I recall vividly John Baku saying that Chat would not come to FetLife. That there would never be a way to show who is online. This was a different experience than other sites. A fun place to get your kink on. A place to connect with new people.

Now apparently they are rolling out a feature that does both. And it is on by default. I felt betrayed. I got that feeling you get when a company does something sleazy. Let’s call it that “FaceBook Feeling” because that’s how that site makes me fee with the way they change settings and eliminate privacy without much complaint. And I feel even less motivated to donate to support the site. (Actually I feel motivated to not donate, so I that I will not get features I neither want nor need.)

I thought about deleting my account. But really, would that matter? Would anybody else even care? Who would even notice?

In my analysis, it seemed that the only person who would suffer is myself. I gain nothing from killing my account. Staying with a site I now consider to be in the same league as FaceBook when it comes to my trust. I’ll still be there when ASL Search comes. I’ll still be there when they sell my info. Why? Because it is a trade off. I get something. I can control most of what FetLife sees about me.

I’ve come to learn companies lie. They do what makes the most money.

And they lie. When it is convenient they change their story. I had hoped that fetlife would be different. Time has shown me that they aren’t really all that different.

So, I will be turning that feature off. Turning off scripting on that site. I will probably not recommend FetLife to anyone in the future, at least until I am convinced John means what he says. Our reputation and credibility is important. More so in this shadowy world of kink we live in. I feel most disappointed because I have been there from the warily days, my blog started within a month of FetLife’s start. It felt like family.

And now, it feels more like FaceBook.

If you have any thoughts or feelings about this, or FetLife in general please feel free to post in the comments. ( And if you feel like I am full of it, let me know that too. )





The New But Not Improved FetLife Feed

25 05 2011

OK, I am giving my ideas about the FetLife feed on my own page.  I have made some changes to the graphics to protect the innocent. (As if any of my FetLife friends are innocent, LOL.) Before I launch into the negatives, lets talk about what they got right.

FetLife Feed, version 4The first thing that I like is that we now have continuous feed. That means that when you scroll down, you don’t have to click to continue.  That is neat and is a big improvement. Speeds up my perving of FetLife.

Status Bar Version 4I also like the change of placement for the upload links. They moved them underneath the status bar. Makes them more handy. More handy means more stuff uploaded.  Might be better if they were a little brighter, but overall they are an improvement over the old one off to the side.

The next thing I like, at least in theory (it is only available to premium paying members so I haven’t had a chance to try it out yet), is the gag feature. This allows you to put friends who overshare, or who wanted to follow you (but you didn’t care if you saw their stuff) in a kind of timeout, where you don’t see their stuff. You can also customize your feed where you may only want to see group activities, or you don’t want to see writings.  Again, this is a pay for play feature, so I have no real opinion on this.

SideBarNow where did they go wrong?  Well frankly this was the ugliest update that I have seen to date on their site.  Normally John Baku shows a great deal of care and love for a site design.  And I did see him try here.  But something went horribly wrong.  The layout of this design reminded me of a Visual Studio design, and that is no compliment.  I particularly do not like the layout of the sidebar, the font size is too small, particularly for us older members.  My eye sight isn’t what it used to be.

I also have a major functional issue with the new group listing to the side.  The groups you lead, as you will notice in the picture above are all nicely laid out, like the old feed was.  But now the groups you are a member of are all in a scroll bar.  Why John, why?  I am in soooo many groups.  They all do not all show up on one screen, and it is almost impossible to use on a mobile device.  I have noted a lot of complaints from Blackberry users in particular.

One more glaring mistake is the omission of the link to support FetLife.  For some reason, they have decided to replace that with links to services that only paying members can use. Instead of seeing a friendly message asking for a support, you get a “Fuck you you non-paying bastard” feel every time you click on gag, or one of the other symbols (like the @ symbol at the top).  John, please put back the nice message. Stop turning me off with those links.  I understand that FetLife needs to make a buck. Servers don’t run on free.  And John Baku and company need to pay rent, buy food and buy remote controlled cars. But seriously, you think that annoying your users is a good way to make that money? Stop it.

OK, those are my thoughts. But I would love to hear what you think. Let me know, in the comments.

MV

Update

James and John have sent me some feedback based on this article.

From James:

 @JamesGolick Tweet

@JamesGolick Tweet

@JamesGolick Tweet

My response was pretty simple to James. The continuous scrolling has to go.  I mean besides crippling groups on my home page, what if I want to read the stuff at the footer?  I have to go through how may hours/days worth of material? Or I have to leave the home feed.  Not a good solution.  Back to the drawing board with this one.  I suggested that they could replace the click (or at least add to it) a mouse over to the area you used to click, and that would solve the issue for everyone.  the feed wouldn’t be continuous, but it would be usable.

From John I received this message:

@JohnBaku Tweet

I suspect that that he may have been referring to the “What’s popular” feed that launched this week. Meh, not that impressed.  Still don’t see the need to screw with people’s feeds like they did to add it.  Could have easily been added as another tab.

And the tech support thread has been screaming with people having issues with the new feed.  Too much Java script for older machines and buggy code for others (probably more to do with mobile devices).

Yep.  Great planning to put your customers through the “Madness”.
MV





My Slave Isn’t My Girlfriend

4 05 2011

I saw a post on FetLife the other day where someone asked why her Dom said she made a better girlfriend than a sub. This cause a bit of confusion for people. They did not get that there was a real difference between a girlfriend and a full time submissive. You see, in a modern boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, the partners are pretty much equals. They negotiate every thing. Sometimes he gets his way, other times she gets her way.  In a D/s or M/s relationship, both get their needs met, but the power is oriented so that the D-type gets their way. That is the difference and why a sub isn’t my girlfriend. The exchange of power.

Now for some, they do the dating thing and don’t exchange power outside of the bedroom. And that is OK, but that is why for some of us power exchange is more important.

Let me know how you feel about this, in the comments.

MV





More on FetLife

29 12 2010

I ran across this video blog the other day, and I thought I would share it with you. I hope you find it interesting.

[Youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQPTW4vyjAQ]

You can see what she says about CollarMe after the break.

Read the rest of this entry »





FetLife: A New User’s Guide part 1

13 08 2010

FetLife really changed the game when it came online back in 2008. FetLife was a different sort of social networking site. Before it existed, the kink community congregated in sites like Alt.com, CollarMe.com and Bondage.com. While they all served their purpose, and had thriving forums, they were first and foremost a meat market. Their focus was on getting you laid.

 

 

John Baku changed all that.

 

FetLife was the first social network of its kind. A place on the web for kinky folks where the point wasn’t to get you laid. It was to get you connected with real people. Meet friends. Learn.

 

Getting laid was a bonus.

 

But, because it is so different, coming to FetLife is a bit of a challenge. The way things work can be somewhat hard to understand. This post is meant to assist with the transformation that your thinking will need in order to adjust to the new world that is FetLife.

 

Read the rest of this entry »





Year in Review: BDSM Style

6 01 2010

Given that this is the first week of the new year, I thought I would take a moment or two and reflect on some of the bigger stories (in my humble opinion) of the last year. It was an interesting year with a lot of events and stories, but some rose to the top.

  • FetLife: I think this site continues to be the biggest story in the world of Fetish and BDSM. This is now the premier Lifestyle site without a doubt. The have almost tripled in size this past year to over 300,000 members. While other sites may have more members (I am not sure of the actual membership of sites like CollarMe and Alt), FetLife is unique in the quality of the members and the discussions that happen every day in the groups found on this social networking site for kinksters.
  • The Economy: The economy has had a serious impact on the Lifestyle this year. Many conferences were either canceled this year or were cut back drastically (my favorite event, BlackBEAT, was one of those that had to cut back). Many of us were laid off with the rest of America. This has made running BDSM oriented events, clubs and businesses even more challenging than they already are.
  • Jack Rinella Runs for Congress: Joe Laiacona, who writes BDSM related books and articles under the pen name Jack Rinella is running for congress. I think the outcome of this election may have some significance for our Lifestyle, especially if he manages to win later this year. I wish him luck.
  • Atlanta Eagle Raid: When the Atlanta Police decided to raid the Eagle, earlier this year, I do not think that they foresaw the consequences that would come out of it. From rallies, to possibly even altering the outcome of the city election, this has had a serious impact on Atlanta, and will continue to do so in the coming year. This may even serve as a warning to other cities who embark on these kinds of policies.

What stories do you think were important this year?  Let me know in the comments!

MV








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