Bondage, Dominance, Submission, and Sadomasochism: Why S&M will never go mainstream. – Slate Magazine.

London SE1 Escort Blog Borough London Bridge.

Sad news folks. I received word yesterday that BlackB.E.A.T. won’t be happening this year. While the details as to why the event was canceled, they did say that they were looking for volunteers to run the event in 2014.  You can read more about it here. As avid readers of my blog already know, I have attended many of these events over the last decade and have served as the director of security for them for a number of occasions. I do hope that they are able to find someone to take over for them, or to assist them in bringing back the conference.

That said, a few individuals are wanting to meet at the same weekend. I like the idea, and if I can get away, I might just join them.  You can find out more on FetLife.

MV

Music IS everywhere.

MV

I found this earlier today and thought I would share it with you all, in case you missed it. It is related to Kink.com fwiw.

MV

Ice cubes in a glass of iced tea. Lighting consisted of sunlight coming through the kitchen window, background is my kitchen table. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today I was attending the Local MasT (Masters and slaves together) meeting and was reminded of a tale I told years ago. Some how it had slipped my mind. But tonight I am sharing with you all.

The rule was simple.

3 cubes of ice. She was to have His drink prepared each evening when he came home. He was specific. Not 2 cubes, not 4 cubes, but exactly 3 cubes is what he wanted in his drink. And thus it went for a time.

One evening, she ran out of ice and only had two cubes for his drink. So she prepared his drink, and waited for  his punishment. He came home, preoccupied with work, and took his drink, patted her on the head, and went off to the study to work some more. Not a word was said about the cubes.

So the next day, she wondered why he didn’t say anything. So she gave him a drink with 4 cubes. And again he was too busy to notice.

Two days became a week, then two, then three. Inside the slave wondered if he still loved her, what was wrong, why wasn’t she being punished.

Eventually he noticed… And thought back and couldn’t remember when it had changed. He knew it wasn’t the first time.

And he was afraid of admitting a mistake.

Sadly, because neither would speak up on this, the relationship would end.

Take a moment, and think on the lesson and learn the importance of noticing the difference in 2 and 3 cubes makes in a relationship.

MV

The leather pride flag, which has become a symbol of BDSM and fetish subcultures. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I saw this question in the tech support forum on FetLife today. This sparked me to think about FetLife’s current situation. A few weeks ago JohnBaku announced that FetLife lost its relationship suddenly with it’s payment processor. Now if you read the full thread, you will see the end where iBill starts talking. To be honest, I don’t know who to believe about what happened. And I don’t care. It isn’t relevant to me and my life right now.

Now, I personally don’t think FetLife is going anywhere anytime soon. But it does beg the question what do I do if FetLife goes away.

FetLife has offered a unique opportunity to grow the Fetish and BDSM communities like nothing ever seen before. It allowed us to connect. It allowed us to exchange ideas. It allowed local communities to grow at an unbelievable rate.

It was a good thing.

But, is your community prepared for what happens if FetLife goes down? Will your munch group survive? Do you have people’s email? Do you have a website? Do you have contingency marketing plans? Don’t build your community only on the back of FetLife, instead leverage FetLife to market what you build.

MV

English: Anne of Denmark, Queen of England, Marcus Gheeraerts the Younger, Oil on canvas, Woburn Abbey (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Famous people sunbathe topless: The history of topless celebrities and royals. – Slate Magazine.

I ran across this and I found the history of women going topless in public to be very interesting. Apparently we are only recently prudish.  Queen Anne of Denmark bared her breasts, and even as early as the 1300s women found it quite fashionable.  Please check it out.

Here’s an excerpt:

19,000 people fit into the new Barclays Center to see Jay-Z perform. This blog was viewed about 72,000 times in 2012. If it were a concert at the Barclays Center, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Those in favor of the proposition usually start out the discussion by focusing on the safety aspects of the training. Some one certified will know the safest places to hit someone, how much force you should use, how much pressure a blindfold can place on someone’s eyes, ect. I can see this as a good thing myself. Safety training is alway a good thing and many BDSM classes/demonstrations focus on safety for a reason. It would seem that this point is a no brainer in favor of the certification.

The next thing I hear often stated is that as a community, certification could help ensure safety by allowing us to set up some sort of list, which someone could check and we put the safe players on it (in some cases only Doms, others it is both Doms and subs). This one offers some potential safety too. When someone completes their “training”, if they don’t behave we strip their certification away. This one seems more problematic to me, but I have heard it brought up several times in the past.

Admittedly I may have missed some pro-arguments, but these two are brought up the most often (though, I want to stress that  the second point was not brought up in this post’s original inspiration).

So, what do the opponents say to counter these arguments?

First, some state that there is already safety training out there.  I myself carry a First-aid and CPR card on me, though i suspect that at least one is past due for renewal if not both. Why cause controversy and stress of reinventing a process if this kind of training is already out there? Just adapt what is out there, encourage people to go get it (many dungeons require their DMs to be certified in First-aid and CPR).

Another argument against is that many would use the certification in place of common sense.  They would see certification as a pass to do what they want and run off with anyone who has one without checking to see if they are a safe player. They might ignore warning signs or common sense in the desire to play. The danger is that having a certification is different from practicing safety.  I can see some merit in this, but I think it is the weakest of the con arguments. After all, shouldn’t people be responsible for their own safety? It seems rather paternalistic that we have to “protect” all the subs and slaves out there.  Shouldn’t they take some responsibility of their own?

Would some people stay away from our community if we place another obstacle in their path, like Certification? Being in touch with your inner freak is something that is often hard for people used to repressing their sexual side. Why make it harder for them to come out and join the rest of us, when there are already so many obstacles, from inaccurate stereotypes to vetting and the secrecy in our community?

And then there is the question of who would be the board to create the standards? Who do we trust enough to give that responsibility? How would they determine what is “safe” when there are so many styles and levels of play. That is an argument just waiting to happen.  Whoever we choose, would be subjected to all kinds of attacks about who put them on a high horse? Dominant types hate to be told what to do. Neither do s-types by people they aren’t in a relationship with.  Related to all this is who would pay for it all?  Who funds the research into best practices? Who pays to generate the tests? The forms that would be needed? Who keeps the records? What happens if the records are subpoenaed.  The implications boggle my mind. Particularly when many are worried about being outted (often with good reason).

Then there is the whole concept of liability. Are clubs more liable if they let non-certified players play? Is the certification board liable if a certified player forgets to follow the rules and hurts someone? Rapes, tortures or kills someone? Imagine the insurance requirements. Makes me wonder who would want such a scheme?

That leads me to an observation I have made about the people that sometimes propose these things, something largely unrelated to the post on FetLife. Sometimes, when a group gets formed to do this, the people behind all this do not have the best of intentions.  I have seen those that seek to “regulate” our community and censure members are sometimes those we need to watch out for. Some of these people are out to rule their local community, tell people who can play and who can’t, and protect the submissives out there. They want to be the high-mucky-muck in charge. They are the ones most of us would say are the bad actors, the manipulators. Fortunately, the minority of those proposing the regulation are in this mindset, but a distressing number of groups formed to do so seem to be in this vein.

For myself, I am firmly in the camp that this is a bad idea, for many of the reasons stated. I have seen the weaknesses outweigh any benefit that may come from it. It is best that we move past this discussion and focus on things more meritorious of our time. You know, things like “what is the best way to torture my slave?”; “Does this outfit match my whips?”

You know, the really important things.

MV

Vaguely Worried Cam Girl (Photo credit: Maggie Mason (Mighty Girl))

I normally don’t like to read Gizmodo. I find them a bit sensational for my taste. But every once and a while they post something unique and interesting. As I like to talk about sex and sexual thing here on HoV, I thought this story was very suitable. One of their reporters looked into the business of “Cam girls” and the girls who are behind the “Cams”.

If you think cam girls—those flirty naked characters that plague porn site pop-up ads—are raking in easy money, you’re right. If you think cam girls are bleakly stripping online out of desperation, you’re also right. Peel away the sex and pixels and money and you’re left with the cloudy truth about the Internet’s relationship status with these on-demand entertainers: it’s complicated.

I really think you should read the whole story: Indentured Servitude, Money Laundering, and Piles of Money: The Crazy Secrets of Internet Cam Girls (NSFW).

MV