I have been asked in the past for a replacement source for kajira outfits. The source I wrote about earlier is no longer making those types of outfits. I was asked recently if I knew of another source, and at the time I didn’t. I did some searching and I found a store on Etsy that has kajira silks of a sort for sale. Still not my preferred choice of kajira styles, but it works and the price is right. Check out Sexy Crushes on Etsy and let me know what you think.
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Tags: Clothing, Etsy, Gor, kajira, silks, slave silks
Categories : Resource
I know, that’s a lot for a title….LOL But it is all things I want to talk about. Hopefully my thoughts are clear, if not, ask.
I will include no disclaimers about my words…
Several thoughts on this subject have been popping around in my head.
I found this really good article on “Active Listening” from Wikipedia. Type it in a search engine and take a look.
Most people, when they practice “active listening” tend to parrot back to the speaker what was said in order to move towards clarification of something from the speaker to the listener. This is a useful skill in parenting, relationships, teaching, and working. This helps with cutting down on misunderstandings of interpretations due to a number of reasons. It can also help both parties take a step back from a volatile situation due to emotions popping up, triggers (look it up) being set off, old memories and other hindrances to listening to each other.
One of the things, I find, that is not practiced in learning “active listening” is the ability for people to not internalize, even after clarification, what they think the other person might have said due to their own personal, internal blocks.
Meaning, the problem will continue when the listener’s internal filters says: “I heard what you said and I understand what you said but I know that’s not what you really meant.”
In this instance it is up to the listener to internally work towards understanding their problem because it is their problem.
I used to feel such guilt and responsibility that someone might possibly misunderstand even one word of what I said that I would use many clarifiers to insure that what they heard was pleasant and pleasing and wouldn’t leave them with any negative emotions. My words became watered down and my convictions became not so convicted. I had no stand on anything because of my perceptions on how the other person would be affected.
My responsibility…take ownership of what are my problems. I am all about self-growth and exploration. I love to learn about myself. I take full responsibility for my growth and I know when something is not right due to my own internal issues. I become more me when I become more authentic. I accept my flaws and know when they are just that, my flaws. I was out talking with hubby, having an impromptu date night, all of a sudden I started hearing us speak to each other. It was like one of those out of body for clarity type moments. I heard us both making disclaimers to each other while we were talking. I don’t even know when we started doing this. It just struck me so hard that I stopped talking and I said to him I don’t know when conversations with us became so hard. When did we have to start apologizing to each other in order to make the other feel good? I said, “I am not doing that anymore.” In my mind, at that moment, we became the adults that we both are. My responsibility in that moment became to treat him as an adult that does not need to be spoon fed anything and also releasing him from whatever feelings he might have of needing to do that to me. I am not going to assume anymore that he misunderstood my words because trying to clarify something that you think the other person misunderstood or might accept the wrong way will lead to both of you doing this:
Person 1: I’m sorry, I only meant by my words (insert explanation here)
Person 2: I understood what you said. I wanted to let you know that (insert explanation here)
Person 1: Oh yeah, I got that. I just wanted to make sure you heard (insert explanation here)
And this can go on and on before you both realize that you don’t even remember what you are clarifying, you don’t remember what you were talking about, and you are both left with this sort of WTF just happened sort of feeling.
In that moment you disconnect from each other. You stop becoming “one” in the sense of being together in the relationship and start becoming two people in a relationship.
This is not a killer in relationships because with realization of the problem(s) comes growth. Growth has to happen. No relationship is static and no two people in a relationship can be static. Static relationships lead to two people in a dead relationship.
So we move and we ebb and flow as people do. I love and I hate this relationship sometimes. But it’s always worth the price of admission or submission, so to speak.
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Tags: Active Listening, BDSM, communication, Interpersonal relationship, Master, Relationship, self-growth, slave, submission
Categories : BDSM, General, Off topic, Resource
My post tonight will be a short one.
Something I have come to realize in relationships is that when things start to go bad people start to look at how much each has contributed to the relationship. We start to become consumed with the percentages we give in relation to the other party.
We start making lists of things that we do and they don’t do. The percentage of promises kept that we keep that they don’t keep. We start looking at how much more we give to the relationship than the other person. How many times we tried to talk and had to say the same thing over and over due to he or she not listening. How much more we sacrifice, change, give up than the other person?
For me love is as it says in 1 Corinthians 13: 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
For me this means that love does not keep bringing up the things that the other person has done to the point that it is used as a weapon and a hindrance. When you start to keep a record of things that the other person has done wrong you are putting your energies into helping you end the relationship.
This relationship has taught me many things both good and bad about myself. When things are going bad with us I start going over in my head how I serve better than he Master’s. How I have given up more than he has given up. How I have adjusted more than he has had to adjust. Whatever the case may be. I realized that for myself if I am truly operating from a point of not leaving this relationship then I need to not do that anymore.
I can’t hold onto these “records of wrongs” and leave room for my heart to continue to be open. These wrongs (perceived or otherwise) close my heart and makes me incapable of seeing when things do change. I fail to see these changes because holding on to these things makes me doubtful and causes me to be afraid to be open again.
“If you don’t accept responsibility for your own actions, then you are forever chained to a position of defense.”
Holly Lisle, Fire In The Mist, 1992
This is just my revelation and everyone has to make the decision for themselves what is and is not good for their relationship. I am all about accepting personal responsibility and for me despite my Master or what’s happening in our relationship this is my personal responsibility to ensure that I am giving me to this relationship. That is my vow to him.
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Tags: 50/50, BDSM, M/s relationship, Master, percentage, responsibility, slave, submission, wrongs
Categories : General, Protocol, Resource
One of the tools that I use to help keep me centered is meditation.
I meditate 3 days out of the week for 20 minutes. I usually meditate with soothing music playing and in a dark room. This helps me relax my mind after such a busy day which usually starts at 6:30am. Admittedly it is hard sometimes and it takes bit longer for me to relax into it. When those times happen I spend the first few moments just focusing on my breathing. I take deliberate breaths in and out until I feel my body relaxing and my mind opening up.
Master’s constant teaching for me is to learn how to just be. Be where I am at the moment and nothing more. I have the tendency to be all over the place and many days in the future. It has taken me sometime to really appreciate the times that I have for meditation because I kept thinking that my time could be better spent doing many of the hundred other things that I had to do.
What I realized though was that meditation actually helped me be more focused. Instead of running around doing many thing all at once I do one thing at a time giving my full time and attention to the task as needed.
Importantly when I meditate it reminds that I am doing this at my Master’s command. Each time I kneel in position I am submitting my will to my Master’s will.
For me, my submission to Master is one step at a time. I become my Master’s slave always and in all ways.
“Some people think it’s holding on that makes one strong- sometimes it’s letting go.” anonymous
Thoughts, comments…please feel free to share.
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Tags: meditation, slave, submission, submitting
Categories : BDSM, BDSM 101, General, How Not to Negotiate, Resource, Techniques