I am seeing more and more articles about S&M in mainstream media. Here is one from Slate. I’m going to have to read it more than once to digest it, but I am not liking the flavor so far. Still he has some major points right, even if it is a bitter pill.
Ice cubes in a glass of iced tea. Lighting consisted of sunlight coming through the kitchen window, background is my kitchen table. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Today I was attending the Local MasT (Masters and slaves together) meeting and was reminded of a tale I told years ago. Some how it had slipped my mind. But tonight I am sharing with you all.
The rule was simple.
3 cubes of ice. She was to have His drink prepared each evening when he came home. He was specific. Not 2 cubes, not 4 cubes, but exactly 3 cubes is what he wanted in his drink. And thus it went for a time.
One evening, she ran out of ice and only had two cubes for his drink. So she prepared his drink, and waited for his punishment. He came home, preoccupied with work, and took his drink, patted her on the head, and went off to the study to work some more. Not a word was said about the cubes.
So the next day, she wondered why he didn’t say anything. So she gave him a drink with 4 cubes. And again he was too busy to notice.
Two days became a week, then two, then three. Inside the slave wondered if he still loved her, what was wrong, why wasn’t she being punished.
Eventually he noticed… And thought back and couldn’t remember when it had changed. He knew it wasn’t the first time.
And he was afraid of admitting a mistake.
Sadly, because neither would speak up on this, the relationship would end.
Take a moment, and think on the lesson and learn the importance of noticing the difference in 2 and 3 cubes makes in a relationship.
MV
The leather pride flag, which has become a symbol of BDSM and fetish subcultures. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I saw this question in the tech support forum on FetLife today. This sparked me to think about FetLife’s current situation. A few weeks ago JohnBaku announced that FetLife lost its relationship suddenly with it’s payment processor. Now if you read the full thread, you will see the end where iBill starts talking. To be honest, I don’t know who to believe about what happened. And I don’t care. It isn’t relevant to me and my life right now.
Now, I personally don’t think FetLife is going anywhere anytime soon. But it does beg the question what do I do if FetLife goes away.
FetLife has offered a unique opportunity to grow the Fetish and BDSM communities like nothing ever seen before. It allowed us to connect. It allowed us to exchange ideas. It allowed local communities to grow at an unbelievable rate.
It was a good thing.
But, is your community prepared for what happens if FetLife goes down? Will your munch group survive? Do you have people’s email? Do you have a website? Do you have contingency marketing plans? Don’t build your community only on the back of FetLife, instead leverage FetLife to market what you build.
MV
In my many years practicing as a Top/Dominant/Master in the BDSM circles, I have seen this question asked over and over. I’ve even asked that question myself when I was younger, though I think I said standards instead of certifications. Most recently, it was brought to my attention on FetLife, in the Novices and Newbies group. As a result, I thought it would be a good time to lay out the pros and the cons, then discuss why I feel the way I do about this issue.
Those in favor of the proposition usually start out the discussion by focusing on the safety aspects of the training. Some one certified will know the safest places to hit someone, how much force you should use, how much pressure a blindfold can place on someone’s eyes, ect. I can see this as a good thing myself. Safety training is alway a good thing and many BDSM classes/demonstrations focus on safety for a reason. It would seem that this point is a no brainer in favor of the certification.
A BDSM-style collar that buckles in the back. This was a featured picture of Lady Byron (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
It has been brought to my attention that our community is having a discussion about consent. That is a good thing. I think that consent is one of the Foundations of BDSM. A core principal, along with Honesty and Trust. But what is it and how do we achieve consent in our relationships? What is the role of the Dominant and the submissive? Well here is my view of things.
Consent according to the dictionary is:
to give assent or approval :agree
Informed consent is what we are discussing here. It is paramount that all parties are both aware of the facts, and agree to them. Dominants should clearly lay out what they plan, so far as they are aware. Submissives are also responsible in being truthful with their own desires and capabilities. And consent can be withdrawn at any time. That doesn’t mean the relationship is over, but it does mean that both sides have to do some heart-searching and mind-searching to figure out why what happened happened. From being open and honest with each other, there comes the trust. And Informed consensual activity is at the basis of our lives.
Don’t jerk people around. Be honest with them. Tell them what you can do, what you expect from them. This applies to both sides of the power exchange.
Ponder that.
MV
Nothing new with me at the moment.
Our weekend was good.
We saw Batman. I would recommend it to anyone. Great wrap up to a trilogy
Sad start to the week with the stuff going on in Colorado. As President Obama said…life is precious and each moment we have with each other is important.
Waste no more time talking about great souls and how they should be. Become one yourself!
Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
Roman Emperor, A.D. 161-180 (121 AD – 180 AD)
Under Construction
MasterVoid
